Secondary schools/ex wants to force daughter to go to grammar school help

[isaterror]

Hi can anyone give me any advice on whether my ex can apply for a secondary school place for our daughter without my signature on the application?

My ex (who is a total knob) keeps telling my daughter that he will not allow her to go to our local academy as he wants her to go to a grammar school. Fact is she hasn’t sat the 11+, she doesn’t want to go to a school where none of her friends are going and none of us have even looked round amy schools yet to make an informed choice. His decision is based completely on snobbery as he went to a private school but doesn’t want to pay for her to attend one.

So going back to my original question am I right in assuming that any school applications need both parental signatures on? Or could he apply for something without our knowledge? We both share joint parental responsibility. Any help welcomed.
Thanks

I’m not sure on the legalities, but I’ve done 13 school applications (so far) for our children. All bar one have been online, and I’ve never needed to have my husband do anything on them.

What neddle said, DH has never had anything to do with school application forms, all online, no one had to sign anything.

What year is she in and if yr5 has he applied for her to sit the 11+ (assuming it's not automatically done at school for everyone, as if it was then she'd probably have some friends who pass too if she does). If he hasn't it's probably too late to apply and I assume she hasn't done any work towards it yet either so would find it very tricky to pass anyway.

Playing devils advocate but I really wouldn't let a 10 yr old decide which school they went to just because their friends are going there if you have no knowledge of either school. If there is the option of the grammar or the academy or any other, you need to find out about all of them and decide what would be the best fit for your child. Not be swayed by what her friends may or may not do. Once they reach secondary they tend to make new friends anyway and not stick to their primary friendship groups.

Don't poo poo the grammar just because your ex thinks it's a good idea. Likewise he should not poo poo the academy just because you/DD like it.

Academically where does she sit.

I wouldn't dismiss it either.

Go look or virtual tour what ever they are doing thiz yeat. At least yoi can both have an informed decision.

Bear in mind friendships really changr i high school. It shoumd never be the main reason.

What's wrong with her taking the exam and having a look round?

Where I went to school most of us didn't know anyone when we arrived. Didn't stop us making friends

Absolutely not poo pooing anything at this point as we haven’t looked round any of the schools yet, my question was more about whether he can go ahead and apply without us all having jointly discussed it and visited schools first. I’m open to our daughter going to a more creative grammar rather than the full on academic grammar he is pushing for, as her strengths lie in art dance and drama, rather than maths and science which is what he is pushing her towards. There are 2 grammar options but they’re both miles away. The local academy is really fantastic and is in the top 2% results in the whole country with a fab 6th form, and is only a 20 minute drive from us. The grammar schools would mean she has a 20 minute drive to a bus stop we’d need to be at every morning by 6.30am and she wouldn’t be back there until 5 every night. We live rurally so it’s a big step to take if we’re not all bought into it. As for the friendship groups I am inclined to agree, they may change and neither of us would let her choose entirely, but she does need to be involved in the choice. The fact remains that all he wants to do is push her into a ‘nose to the grind’ academic route that she is not suited to. In any case like I said, crucially, she hasn’t had any extra tutoring (joins year6 next week) and so has missed the chance of (presumably) of getting her into the grammar he wants in this years intake? Worrying that from what some of you have said an application can be made by one parent without the consent of the other so I do need to talk to him and get things more joined up before the deadline hits.

Your ex's opinion re school is just as valid as yours. Perhaps he doesn't want to risk sending her to a "crap comp" even if it is local and all your DD's friends are going there?

Have either of you actually done any research yet as to which of your local schools would suit her best in terms of extra curricula, range of subjects, ethos of the school, ofted reports, pupil attainments, etc?

Your DD really shouldn't be making such an important choice based on where her (current) school friends are going. You really need to be taking her to open days etc at the very least. Sometimes following the herd isn't the right thing to do. At secondary, they are all split up anyway and quickly make new friends - it's often a good thing for close primary friendships to be broken up when it comes to moving on.

Personally I think just choosing the local school without properly researching it is just as bad as snobbery about insisting on a grammar.

joins year 6 next week

The deadline for entry for many, if not most, grammar's 11+ exams will have already closed, or be closing very shortly. The 11+ exams are usually done end of September. So, yes, you/he are almost certainly too late for joining the grammar next September.

Ok so if she's almost starting year 6 then unless he's been secretly working with her on exam practise questions and he has entered her to take the test, she won't be doing it. So the grammars are already ruled out anyway. You might want to ask him how she's going to a grammar if she's not sat the 11+. Sounds like he's all talk and just trying to wind you up.

Given your update.

I would be focusing on the local academy. It can end up in court if you can't agree.

I would still look at grammar if only to look open. The hours seem extreme and sctually living rurally social life is difficult as it is.

I woukd speak to admissions as soon as applications open

You could always get the application in first, and include his choice. Even put his choice top of your preferences. If she hasn't sat the 11+ she won't get a place.

It's a waste of a choice, but might keep him quiet.

Thanks for the positive helpful responses , and yes it seems unlikely he’s signed her up to the 11+, but not implausible!! Fingers crossed that’s not the case. Already on the case re online tours for each option and have opened up lines of communication with him so I’m hoping for something back to build on. Fortunately we live in a County with really good state schools none of which can be classified as a ‘crap comp’ hence why the lengthy commute to a Grammar isn’t necessary. I remember going on visits with my mum around potential schools and it was great she listened to what we thought. I couldn’t bear her being sent to a school that’s not right for her.