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Original poster

Ex threatening me and my son

17 replies

LucaFritz · 22/08/2020 23:02

Posting here as i think this is the right place? I broke up with my Ds's father during my pregnancy and haven't heard from him in about 8 or 9 months and suddenly the past month or so he has been sending me threatening messages saying he will take DS and run away and that he is taking me to court for access Hmm he owes 7 months of CM so far and has never met DS nor is he on the birth certificate WWYD ?i have screenshots of all these messages and will mention it to HV next time i see her but not sure how to go forward i dont think he even has any money for court as he is a drug user and alcoholic and i did point out during our relationship that i would like him to quit seek help for his MH problems and take some parenting classes so i think i am doing everything right ? Im not happy for DS to be anywhere near him in that state and surely a court wouldn't grant him access especially unsupervised?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 23/08/2020 09:42

You need to contact the police.

FelicityPike · 23/08/2020 09:51

Phone the police!

unicornsarereal72 · 23/08/2020 09:52

Keep all the evidence You have and let him take you to court. It will cost him and is a lengthy process. If he is offered access it is likely to be at a contact centre for an hour a week which he will have to pay for.

Cm through the cms. But I haven't seen a penny through them in nearly 2 years.

Seek legal advice some place offer free initial appointment.

Don't let him bully you. But don't bother engaging with him either. Just tell him to go through the appropriate channels.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 23/08/2020 09:58

Phone the police on the non-emergency number. They can put a marker on your address if he comes to your house and kicks off, so if you or the neighbours report it they will prioritise you.

Keep records of everything. Get a new sim card and email address so you aren't constantly being bombarded by his messages.

Continue chasing up CM.
Don't put him on the BC, let him take you to court the longer these things take the better because your child will be older. The court will arrange supervised access at a contact centre first basically a baby and toddler group for non-resident parents to get to develop their relationship with their children whilst being supervised.
If he bothers to get that far he might have cleaned up his act a bit.

The father's normally start kicking off about court etc when a new girlfriend is in the scene so they look like a good dad. Then they can blame you for not letting him see his child.

Original poster
LucaFritz · 24/08/2020 15:32

Thank you ive calmed down a bit now and haven't heard from him again so far. Im not bothered about pursuing CM and it means throwing him a bone and engaging so far ive just sent a message back " please do not threaten me or ds in that manner if you wish to seek contact with us please do so via the legal channels available to you" he read and ignored that Hmm i have friends who have him on SM and apparently he just posts things constantly that are derogatory towards myself and other women and posts how he is a victim not allowed to see his child and how men are less equal etc pathetic really. Will contact the police if needs be and i have screenshots of all these things plus i sat down and wrote a sort of statement with dates of contact and what has been said so far etc written down on paper its made me realise just how bad he really is

OP posts:
Original poster
LucaFritz · 24/08/2020 15:47

@unicornsarereal72
Yes ive heard nothing but bad things about CMS not using their powers to the full extent and basically been useless but ive also read of children taking the NR parent to court for backdated child maintenance once they turn 18 and represent themselves eithee way he owes DS about £800 so far a pittance considering it costs me that per month if not more to raise DS but Ex seems to think because i manage fine alone he doesn't need to pay i did point out that child expenses are 50/50 even if one parent happened to be a millionaire and that i am basically free childcare to allow him to carry on his wanky life as normal but all that fell on deaf ears Hmm

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 24/08/2020 15:49

if he isnt on the birth certificate he has no legal rights so if he takes him its legally kidnapping 🤷‍♀️ as he isnt the legal father

Original poster
LucaFritz · 31/08/2020 01:53

Yes im aware he has no legal right at this time but would he be able to have those granted by a court ? As i said earlier i have evidence and have prepared a written statement etc but surely a judge would ask why he hasn't paid for his child etc and take that into account that he is unfit to parent? He does have my bank details as he used to send money for little things when we first got together

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 31/08/2020 07:10

Absolutely he can go to court and have his parental rights established. It’s a simple DNA test then a new birth certificate is issued with both parents correctly named on it. After that contact will be set up, likely to be supervised for a short period leading to unsupervised if successful.

unicornsarereal72 · 31/08/2020 07:49

Child support and contact are two spectate things.

I've not had a penny In Two but that isn't a valid reason to stop the children seeing their father.

If you go via the CMS he can dispute parentage and they can arrange a DNA test with him having to pay the costs I believe.

Original poster
LucaFritz · 03/09/2020 13:56

@Felicitypike does that cost money ?
@Unicorns no one has said anything abiut stopping a father from seeing their chikd because they haven't paid CM i was pointing out that he doesn't pay anything for the child he suddenly proclaims to care so much about so surely a judge would question why hes done that ? Also with his drug addictions and drinking i doubt they'll grant anything with the evidence i have but we will see as a PP said i suspect he just sent that message out of the blue to rile me and seem productive for whoever he was trying to impress

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 03/09/2020 14:05

Yes it will.

Original poster
LucaFritz · 03/09/2020 16:17

Not a chance he wil then he saves all his money for drugs and the pubs Hmm

OP posts:
SpaceOP · 03/09/2020 16:21

Has he actually asked to see DS? Or just gone straight to threatening to take him etc etc?

Personally, I'm not a fan of the "call the police" brigade, but I'd be inclined to call the non emergency number to discuss it with them. He's basically threatening to kidnap your son and if this was some random stranger, you wouldn't think twice about calling the police.

SpaceOP · 03/09/2020 16:22

Also, in the unlikely event he does try to go the legal route, unless he's got endless evidence of him requesting access and you refusing, I don't think the court is going to be super helpful. They may well try to encourage contact, but you I don't think they'd allow anything more substantial unless he proved that he genuinely did want access and had attempted to get it. Messages threatening you and DS are not that.

Original poster
LucaFritz · 03/09/2020 16:29

Ive left all lines of contact open for him to see DS and hes never bothered till he sent that message out of the blue threatening to come take him and take me to court for custody and i haven't heard anything since. I doubt the police would do anything the most they say these days is "we'll look into it" and they never do anything least in my area anyway but im going to discuss it with HV and see what she says

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 03/09/2020 16:33

Hes blowing hot air..i wouldnt give it head spaceWink

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