Separation of Second Relationship

[Houston1224]

Hi MumsNet,

I am a lone parent to two children with a very absent and abusive father, the whole relationship was wrong and I was very young.

I finally got up courage to leave and the children have flourished
About 3 years ago I met someone else, foolishly he had me very involved with us very quickly and an integral part of our lives. Over the past year I have discovered he has lied and cheated on me pretty much our whole relationship apparently due to his alcohol addiction. It's led to a lot of self loathing on my part and a massive weight battle. I tried to get past it mainly because I was afraid of ever introducing anyone to the kids again.

A few weeks ago I finally got the courage to leave for good. Cut all contact, dis final goodbye etc...About a week later I found I was pregnant. My gut instinct was to not tell him and have a termination. But I stupidly told him and have spent the last two weeks listening to how will change and become who I need him to be. It a made me really dither on whether to end the pregnancy or not. And now I am up against the clock and totally lost.

I'd like another child, but I really don't want this man in our lives anymore. I am certain I don't want a new born as a single parent, i feel it would greatly affect the life of the present children.

Should I stick with my first instinct and protect me and the children and this baby from a life time of his constant attention seeking behaviour ? Or should I keep the pregnancy and take a risk on him?

Thank you for your time and peace out x

It sounds like a very difficult situation. You have to weigh up what's best for you and your DC. I was once in a similar situation and chose a termination. It was not an easy choice.

Whatever you decide, don't go back to him. He sounds truly horrible. Good luck!

I think you should go with your instincts. I hope you get some more replies.

I think you should trust your instincts.

Unfortunately if he chooses to be in this child's life then there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Not naming him on the birth certificate is only a stalling mechanism. For the sum of £215 if he's working (and free if not) can go to court and apply for both PR and regular contact .. which he will get unless there are VERY severe welfare concerns about him being in the Child's life.

Therefore if you are serious about not wanting him in your life for the next two decades - and all the drama that this will subject your existing children to - to me the answer is termination.. I have had an abortion so I know it's far from an easy choice ...

Sadly I agree with @disorganisedsecretsquirrel

The only certain way to rid this man from the life of you and your children is a termination and fresh start

Very difficult decision obviously but your gut instinct is the right one