am i being unreasonable

[htdt]

I'm really confused, I am a single parent to a 5 yr old boy, and I have a close friend with a young girl who is happily married. We joined a bubble when we were allowed recently.

My issue is that my friend's husband often seems to me to tell my son off, in quite an aggressive way, and even say mean things to him. That is my view of it. And my son doesn't like him at all, and is actually a bit scared of him.

It came to a head last weekend when we were all out together and her husband again said things that upset my son, I am afraid I didn't respond well, I was obviously upset and I walked away from them all, with my son. To me it felt like the only option to prevent my son from being what was beginning to appear to be bullied by this man.

But having spoken to my friend since their view of it is that I was in a bad mood and over reacted to his comments. And he apparently thinks that he only ever corrects my son in the same way he would his own daughter because we are all so close and that is ok.

But I feel tense whenever he's around, and worried about what he will say next, and my son is often upset by the things he says.

Some examples are he called my son a moaning minnie and encourage his daughter to splash my son when he cried when his face got splashed and water went in his eyes and he once tried to put my son in the downstairs cupboard when my son was making a squeaking noise with a chair...

It's got to the point where I feel uncomfortable about being around him but am I totally over reacting? They think there's nothing wrong, but I feel worried that spending time with them I am not protecting my son properly.

I am very fond of my friend, she is absolutely lovely, how do I stay friends with her if I can't feel comfortable around her husband?

Other than the cupboard incident the other incidents really do sound trivial. No one likes to hear their child reprimanded by others but it happens 🤷‍♀️ your son is perhaps not used to a male figure telling him off if you are a single parent (Male voices by their nature tend to sound harsher) so he is perhaps also reacting to that? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but make it clear the cupboard incident isn't to be repeated

Why do you still see these people. Delete and block and get friends who are not bloody horrible

he only ever corrects my son in the same way he would his own daughter

Crucial point - your son is not his child so this is not appropriate. Surely if your son is genuinely misbehaving you are there to reprimand accordingly

Calling a child a moaning Minnie and encouraging splashing someone in the face when they are visibly upset by it is almost bullying in my mind and i wouldn't like it

thanks for the replies, I think it is bordering on bullying I just wasn't sure, I just gave a couple of examples, there are many others, probably a lot of them taken on their own would seem trivial and that's why i'm confused wether it's ok, but my son is upset and I am tense waiting for the next nasty comment. And I've doubted myself in the past when people have treated me badly and there's a bit of me thinks if I don't think it's ok then it's not ok.

But obviously I still doubt myself as I'm asking what others think!

The woman is really a very lovely person though, and I would really miss her friendship, otherwise it would be easy to just not see them at all.

At my peril I’m just going to throw it out there..

I don’t like it, listen to your gut instinct. You don’t want this bully to teach your son it’s normal to behave like this. (It’s really not) little things like this are micro aggressions and of your son doesn’t like this fella it’s probably true the other way around, imagine how he’s going to behave if he gets a chance with your son alone without either you or your friend around? I wouldn’t risk it.

It’s sad but make an effort and find new friendships maybe through your sons school or a community website (Facebook, Nextdoor, etc)

Ps you probably did not Obed react, but this is how emotionally abusive people work, they make it about you not about them.

Speak to your friend in confidence about it, say you don't want to lose her friendship but contact must be done away from her partner. Be prepared for her to potentially cut contact. Your child is more important though.