What's a weekend

[superduperthanksforasking]

My DD is 5 very nearly 6. EXH and I separated just before she was 2. He jumped at the suggestion that he have her every other weekend. My problem is that his weekend is 10am Saturday to 3ish on Sunday. He has for the last couple of years, told me that he wants to do Friday as well, but it's just empty words at this stage, as nothing ever comes of it.

I am going to struggle with school and work come September as there will be no wraparound at the beginning and being able to stay at work every other Friday to catch up would be a god send (and god forbid go out for a drink after work with the girls).

How do I go about getting a whole actual weekend or do I just have to suck it up and realise that I'm luckier than some and he is never going to do more than the bare minimum and work and his life will always come before DD.

A weekend can constitute as Friday through to Sunday evening or in some instances, which is less all over for a child in my view, Friday from school to Monday drop off to school. If you have Friday in the EOW then ideally it should be from school as the other parents contact time is responsible for any wrap around care in their time plus then a child isn't sat waiting to be picked up over settling for the evening after a week in school.

We done EOW with DSD Friday through to Monday when she moved into reception and it was a lot better all round as Sunday wasn't her walking in to quick convo then ready for bed at 6PM ahead of the school routine Monday morning

Sorry didn't answer your question on how to set it up. I would just ask him - if you both communicate great then do it face to face or text and go something like 'you've asked before about having DD on a Friday too. When school restarts, would you like to increase your weekend to be collecting her from school to Sunday/Monday as she really enjoys the time with you and with her getting older the extra nights for you both would be great'

If you don't communicate well just send a letter proposing if he would like to do it starting from X date for DD benefit as she would benefit from the longer/full weekends with him

Thanks Binge, my problem is he always blames work but hasn't actually asked them if he could leave early on Fridays. He just dangles this carrot and in fairness I react, as I'm knackered and would like to meet somebody eventually but right now I have two 'me' nights a month and struggle to see friends let alone a man.

He also thinks he is the best dad in the world and that 'he is doing his best'!!!

Do I make an ultimatum, does that ever work?

Urgh. I really dislike people like this because using work as an excuse is a bug bear of mine. There's a now really on a small minority of places we're flex working isn't accepted - I even have it in place for DSD and I'm technically not mum.

I would give him two choices personally with a request it's confirmed prior to school restarting:

• Friday 3PM to Sunday X time
• Friday 5PM to Monday morning (taking DD to school)

I would explain probably in letter/text if that's better than face to face for you that this will benefit DD as the time at the moment is very limiting for her and him and this way, he can be part of her school routine which she would like. If the school are doing any after school clubs (ours returns Sept and DSD will go on contact nights with Mum) then put them in there with how he can book her space etc. I would stay away from saying how it will benefit you or let him push your button for that reaction, just keep repeating its for DD to have more time with her dad and keep building on their relationship as she loves him very much and as she's getting old, more time is naturally the next step

Sorry 3 choices - Friday 3PM to school Monday. I'm so tired tonight and the humidity has got to me

Thank you so much, it's what I have been thinking but I get quite cross about it and needed a more level headed person to help me word it x

I don't think you can force him to have Fridays and if it went through the courts they wouldn't force it either. His arrangement is technically fine, morals aside.