Contact days and time’s help please

[anon2334]

We have a court order and it’s still new when it was done it was based on us being local now my ex has moved at least 40 mins away, I have 2 kids and he one so we do alternate weekends and midweek 2.5 hrs after school 2 times as I take my children with me one day and he brings my son one Other day. I don’t drive so being local taxi was just about ok and will have to do a bus which is an hour even half way after school with traffic will take ages.2 kids are school age and will Be shattered and the other one is not quite school age, being local was fine as just. 15 min drive and not a problem for the kids or being tired plus school back soon.. I can take them weekend and drop off No problem so I’m just thinking of them being tired and also I can’t afford it as I’m not working at the moment, maybe suggest half way but really don’t think the midweek will work unless we are near like now and he the the one that moved So should be reasonable m? Is it ok to suggest maybe an extra hour on my alternate weekend ? I’ve emailed and said reasonable suggest something for midweek because I have no car and even if I did it’s a good way for 2.5 hrs only.

My solicitor did say to call her if any problems but hopefully he will suggest something reasonable ? What would be reasonable suggestion ?

I found it a little hard to deconstruct.

So before the move, you both lived locally (presumably that means within 10 minutes or so?)

He's now moved 40 minutes away, and you don't drive. You're worried that the weekday visits would lead to kids being tired during school plus you're worried that this will strain you too much financially?, and you're happy to do the weekend visits with the current arrangements in place but you would prefer them to be met in the middle?

If the above is all correct, I think he's fine to have kids during the week with that distance. 40 minutes is fine tbh and even if that's elongated with bus journeys, I think it's close enough that it works. He probably should do the travel until you're at least working though. Maybe you could offer to cover some of the petrol if he does the whole journey instead of just half? might work out cheaper and easier for everyone that way.

The weekends should probably be met half way or one of you do one journey and the other does the return journey, there's a lot of talk of the person who moves being the one who does the majority of the travel but that is not at all my experience through the family court system or when speaking to solicitors. So take it with a grain of salt.

Sorry I hope that helps, maybe i've just misunderstood everything though.

That does help! I’ve offered Petrol for bringing my son to me and picking him as transport cuts right into our time and he would get very little plus he starts school and it will be full on for him, taxi is more than double The price I used to pay if I got a taxi to his As he suggested That and it not financially viable.. I take the other kids to him half way Midweek and offered to pay for petrol to bring them back to me.. As again travel by one bus and then train would actually be more time spent then what we get now living 15 mins away. 40 mins in a car is fine just it when you are using 2 public transport Is double that and the rest of they are late, but for midweek contact at 2.5. School start will be more difficult.

I have offered to cover costs and offered and more and also weekends we just meet half way.. it’s doable as no rushing around. .

I think I would sit down and try and write out two concise schedules, one which is what you already do and one which you want to change to.

Just for your benefit. Likely if you ask him to change things but you forget to mention something he won't be too happy about being asked to change again.

Once you have the two schedules written down nicely, I'd take another look through and see how you would react if a male friend told you their ex was asking that. If it all sounds reasonable I'd send the revised schedule to him and ask if you can do that and just briefly explain why i.e it would costs too much or it might affect schools etc. Don't go in to too much detail, just be concise about it.

If he disagrees ask him what he would suggest and see if that's viable.

It's a tough one though because it's difficult as opposed to not working. If it's working then you should probably just keep doing it in most cases unless you can mutually agree on changes.

Is your ex generally reasonable?

No not usually Reasonable with stuff like this sadly, I dread arranging anything.

The last few months it has been working Well and I want the kids to see their dad Midweek I don’t want that to stop and for my son who is with him to come and see us. I am hoping he does reply with a good suggestion at least until I’m financially better , he doesn’t help and I don’t ask I just leave him alone as the kids are happy with both of us.

When I get a job and a car it will work better halfway drop offs as its a clear run just a different district so taxi is very expensive , it’s the faffing round With public transport that makes it longer journey.

I even called taxi companies and it’s just way too expensive.
For me, trains and buses are ok if if was longer time spent but for 2.5 it’s more travelling than anything else.

I’ve offered to meet half way and asked if he could drop back to my House and I will cover petrol. And drop and pick my son up and again offer petrol.

Weekend stay over I can drop off all the way if he wants and not even meet half way as it’s not a problem and no time constraints.

I will do your suggestion if it gets difficult.