Hi, I find myself in a predicament I would ideally not have chosen :/
But I’m in it and I plan to not let this accident turn into a sad affair.
I’m in my thirties and pregnant via an accident.
I was taking the pill but also self administered anti biotics I had in the cupboard for cystitis I get from cycling a lot. Stupid! Because this has been where I think the pill became inactive.
I’ve been sleeping with an old work colleague. Friends with benefits.
It was always his choice to push to not use a condom and in my mind to a certain extent I covered our backs on the getting pregnant side. All be it I messed it up not realising by taking other meds. He has never wanted to use a condom. That’s another debate. And not one I want to get advise on ideally. I know the pitfalls of the man not wearing one.
He has two past marriages with kids involved in each. All very amicable. Everyone gets on well. I think even the mothers of each get on as well. And since then an on of relationship with an ex who from what I gathered is living away and has been for best part of a year fighting her alcohol demons. He’d go through stages of saying there was no hope. He wished there was but over a year she’s been trying to sort herself out and hasn’t wanted to carry on their relationship etc etc. He’s given up etc.
I stayed at his frequent times. Her photos were still there where he was holding onto the past. It didn’t matter to me, we were just friends with benefits.
Well now I’m pregnant and initially I was shocked, stunned and thought there’s no way this can happen. We aren’t going to be ‘together’ etc etc. I don’t want that. And although he joked in the past maybe him and I could see if we could be good together, he wants more kids. Wants to have a family setup and unit with someone again etc. I think he knew I wasn’t up for that and I wasn’t either, not with him.
Since finding out about said accident he freaked out and straight away his communication and verbal manner as my friend has put it has been poorly done from his side. There’s a way to go about saying “are you okay” and then mentioning it really isn’t something they would want. But his ways have been utterly shocking. Saying that it can’t happen as something terrible will happen. I asked him to elaborate. He said if I knew I would terminate straight away. Then later saying he can’t say over messages on the phone. Then something about if it’s found out later it could go to court and I could have some legal issues. Nothing to do with him he just wouldn’t be able to protect me blah blah blah. I asked point blankly what exactly are you saying. I have a lawyer family member no one can suggest anything legally scary to me that doesn’t make actual sense and I easily shake in my boots. His whole way of trying to shock me into a termination but not being clear in weird non direct seeming threats. As if it was found out later someone other than him would go for me legally? How is that possible? Totally baffled I said your not making any sense.
He then tried to make hints the baby would not be healthy. This and that.
I’m two months pregnant.
His bizarre random messages were stressing me out so I blocked him on all platforms.
He hasn’t found another way to contact me and knows where I live.
I did initially mention that because this was a mistake on both our parts that I too was thinking to terminate but after long consideration I just couldn’t. So will carry on pregnancy and I’m happy and willing and want to go it alone and expect nothing from no one.
Now after his distasteful reaction and what feels like hidden threats have left me thinking NO why should I struggle to bring up a child that he partly created. This man has wealth. Although the type of wealth I’m pretty sure he’s done well to hide money and things when he’s needed to.
As far as I was aware both his ex partners and children live in very very expensive houses and holiday in properties he owns abroad. But they were married.
I don’t want to go after this mans money never have done. I even friend zoned him knowing how much wealth he had and kept us as just friends with benefits in our time of on off time together but for his complete personality and character shift and really off manner since finding out I feel I shouldn’t just disappear off to struggle alone bringing up a child who he will likely later get to enjoy a relationship with after I’ve slogged away with not a lot to go on.
Where do I stand in this situation.