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Original poster

son and partner

16 replies

And2004 · 01/08/2020 21:06

my son who's 16 might have a chance of an apprenticeship by where I live which along way from where his mom lives. So as an option I said he might be able to move in with me and my other half but now I find out she has a problem with him moving possibly movin in. She gets on with him but aas her kids are grown up and have there own life she wants so start living hers i don't have a problem but I've shown support in the past I feel like I'm not getting the same when it comes to my son

OP posts:
Feralkidsatthecampsite · 01/08/2020 21:10

Surely at 16 your ds will be pretty self sufficient and he has you to provide geh bits he can't do!! Your oh surely knew he existed all along?
My 2 teen ds's came to live with us ft and my dh was very supportive. It wasn't even really discussed - dh was on board immediately..

Mintjulia · 01/08/2020 21:21

At 16, she will hardly be expected to cook and clean for him.
I think the only issues I would have is if I wanted to go away for a week or two and not be keen to leave 16yo in charge.

Or if the house is too small to be practical.

Has your dp said exactly what she isn’t happy with?

Alltneteabagshavegone · 01/08/2020 21:25

Well he will be up and out most mornings so not in the house. He will be earning a small wage so will have his own money.

She might have finished raising kids - but you havnt. You’ve been a good dad to automatically think your son would come to you to help him get his foot on the career ladder, that’s what good dads should do.

So I think you need to be looking at - who’s house do you live in. Is it yours, is it hers, do you both own it? Will she leave if your son comes? Will you back down and deprive your son of a good career opportunity for the sake of a women?

This is your son and this could be the pivot on the beginning of your sons adult life. Don’t let him down.

Original poster
And2004 · 01/08/2020 21:29

@Feralkidsatthecampsite

Surely at 16 your ds will be pretty self sufficient and he has you to provide geh bits he can't do!! Your oh surely knew he existed all along? My 2 teen ds's came to live with us ft and my dh was very supportive. It wasn't even really discussed - dh was on board immediately..
She gets on with him ok. Its the fact she sees its her time to enjoy things but with me wanting my son to move in she thinks we won't be able to do this. Its ok for us to have him weekends but moving in is different.
OP posts:
Feralkidsatthecampsite · 01/08/2020 21:31

I have seen my ds 16 for less than an hour today!! Appears for food /drinks - lives in his room!!

He has no negative impact on my life with dh!!
Grin

samb80 · 01/08/2020 21:35

Not good enough. Your son is part of you, that is non negotiable as far as I'm concerned. Tell her to sling her hook. You were a father before you were her partner.
How wonderful your son has a passion he wants to peruse are you going to take that from him?

Original poster
And2004 · 01/08/2020 21:36

@Alltneteabagshavegone

Well he will be up and out most mornings so not in the house. He will be earning a small wage so will have his own money.

She might have finished raising kids - but you havnt. You’ve been a good dad to automatically think your son would come to you to help him get his foot on the career ladder, that’s what good dads should do.

So I think you need to be looking at - who’s house do you live in. Is it yours, is it hers, do you both own it? Will she leave if your son comes? Will you back down and deprive your son of a good career opportunity for the sake of a women?

This is your son and this could be the pivot on the beginning of your sons adult life. Don’t let him down.

To a degree I'm been made to feel I have to chose. She wants us to have a life but I've still responsibilities as my son is 16 and starting out. Its both our place(rented).
OP posts:
Original poster
And2004 · 01/08/2020 21:45

@samb80

Not good enough. Your son is part of you, that is non negotiable as far as I'm concerned. Tell her to sling her hook. You were a father before you were her partner. How wonderful your son has a passion he wants to peruse are you going to take that from him?
The thing is we've been together 6yrs ment to be getting married too. Suppose I feel like I'm not getting the support I was expecting as I have supported her without question im not perfect far from it.
OP posts:
fabulous40s · 01/08/2020 21:54

She's being unreasonable. Show her this thread.

Original poster
And2004 · 01/08/2020 22:12

@fabulous40s

She's being unreasonable. Show her this thread.
I understand where she is coming from suppose I thought she would be more supportive and suppose not make me feel that I may have to choose
OP posts:
Alltneteabagshavegone · 01/08/2020 22:53

It’s understandable she was looking for kid free time but you’ve not finished supporting your son yet. If she truly loves you she can last another year or so can’t she? He won’t need babysitting.

My eldest is 25 now and she was always out at 16

When you get with a person that has kids there has to be a bit of give and take. Tbh of my dh had said that one of my kids couldn’t live with me it would be a deal breaker. Your son just needs that last little bit of support to get him going. It’s unfair of her to expect you to turn your back on him at this last point. Would she have done that to her kids?

Codexdivinchi · 01/08/2020 22:56

Do not fail your son at the last hurdle. If you let him down now you might never get your relationship with him back. No wife or husband is worth losing your kids over. Plus if you say he can’t come and the lad accepts it and takes up some dead end job you will feel like a bag of shit feel guilty and resent your partner.

FelicityPike · 01/08/2020 23:02

Well if you have to choose, hopefully your son will come first.

Wishforsnow · 01/08/2020 23:04

Put your son first

Mintjulia · 02/08/2020 05:00

My last relationship ended because of this. Ex’s daughter turned 18, got a boyfriend & and a car and basically didn’t need her dad any more. Then she went to university.
He then said if “I wanted our relationship to progress” I had to get rid of my ds at least every other weekend so we could enjoy our freedom. His freedom!

So I had to be understanding while he cared for his daughter but then offload my son when he wanted to weekend in Paris !

Took me 20 seconds to end it Smile Self centred moron. I haven’t regretted the decision.

Put your ds first and be very wary of committing to your very self centred girlfriend.

stellabelle · 02/08/2020 05:08

You should put your DS first. Your partner "wants to have a life" , well why can't she have a life when someone else is living there ? He isn't a child who needs caring for, he is a young man who would doubtless look after himself. Your partner sounds very immature.

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