Time to go solo... any suggestions on where to start?

[MeMySonAndI]

[Deep breath in]

After seven years of trying to solve the problems in my marriage I have finally got to the conclusion that no matter how much I do or try, things are not going to change. So I am finally at the stage where knowing there's no way back I'm prepared to call it a day.

Well, actually I'm not that prepared yet, as there are a good number of practicalities that I need to resolve before informing DH that is over:

a) Any suggestions on what info to find out before I tell him (thinking about money related issues as I supose the communications are going to be altered as soon as I deliver the news).

b) We are civil to each other, he is not what I would say a bad or an agresive person, so I would like to deliver the news in a way that ensures that the relationship remains civil for the sake of DS. Any suggestions on how to kindly kindly let him know?

Any advice would be highly appreciated.

P.S. I have changed my name for this as he is well aware that Mumsnet is my only network of support.

I don't think there is a perfect way of delivering the news. But taking him out to dinner, or for a walk in the park alone might be a slightly kinder way of saying it.

If he is a decent man he will come to terms with it.

Is it definitely over, would you consider relate? Can be helpful to work thru issues even if you decide to stay split...

Gd luck

I do hope so Bluejelly. I hope he will be fine with it, it is my MIL's effect I'm dreading and I really have no clue how to prevent that factor from ruining it for us all.

On top of that, have just returned from parents' evening and was told that DS's behaviour is out of order and is isolating him from other children , I really need to find a way to make this transition soft enough (if that is possible) not to cause more damage.

I think we are well beyond Relate (we have been there several times already and we always go back to the same situation)

bump... lets own to it, I'm a mess, is there anyone there who could talk to me please do. I'm not feeling very well.

last bump...

Hey are you still on tonight?

I left my dh in December and was absolutely shitting myself about telling him. Ex is a lovely man but he wasn't interested in the physical side of our marriage and I couldn't live with it.
Anyway, not going to bang on about me but just trying to say I know how hard it is. If the man's no good it may be easier? Although if he's violent etc.. not so.
It's never easy and my ILs were also a worry but they saw it coming and are ok. I don't see them now though as they're out of town and very old so don't travel.
I wouldn't advocate going out for a meal as he's bound to react. I'd either tell him at home or somewhere else quiet but safe.
Keep posting as you need support at a time like this.

Oh and I'm 100% happier now by the way, poor but happy

I'm back. Hardly slept last night... I was already worried enough about Dh and now I'm overly worried about DS. Obviously, this is not the right time, but then, is there ever a right time?

Thank you for your posts. I really hope, that in a few months time, I can say the same you do Ulyses.

The main problem about taking a decission about this is that, in general, he is a good person, but I could kill him out of exasperation, he equally forgets irrelevent things as main important ones. And sadly, after 10 years of repeating the same conversations, dealing with exactly the same problems and him finding it impossible to keep things in his mind, I'm too tired to keep trying, or better said, I have realised that I'm fooling myself thinking that things could be different

Sorry to hear your situation has taken a turn for the worse. Its never a good time, however maybe your ds can feel undertones at home,and thats why is is unsettled? Im not saying thats the case, but maybe sorting the situation out might actually help things, and help you all move on?
I would tell you DH on neutrel ground if possible? Is he likely to just get upset or physical? I knwo you said hes not violent, but might help things stay level headed if there are at least some other people around?
Good luck xxxxxxxx

The main problem with him is that he is in denial... he would be likely to say "oh, I see, you want a divorce? erm, yes, what do you want to order from the menu? and then totally forget about it a minute afterwards [rolls eyes]

I have been feeling very sad all day long, fortunately the tread on intolerancies tonight has been quite good to take my mind off the subject.

I'm sorry that my little man is having a bad time. He seemed so happy at his new class, he is normally very shy and has a tendency to be bullied so I was totally shocked when the teacher said that he was being disruptive and that he was being unkind to other children .

HI MMSAI, Has your dh always been like this? I noted you said you've been trying for 7 years, how long have you been together?
It sounds as if he has something wrong if he's that forgetful?
How are you today?

What about going to Relate by yourself and talking it through; how best to deal with telling him etc. In my area they do something called Relate for Parents, a one-off session where you can get advice on how to make things easier for children.

Apologies for the late reply, I have just seen the last messages.

Well, the situation took care of itself last week and we are well into the process of getting separated.

I find it quite bizarre to see this thread again... very bizarre... why on Earth do I feel at some points as if he had decided to leave me when I have been asking for this for so many years?

Somebody please kick me back into reason!

Just you get on with your plans you know how this all cam about, he obviously couldn't deal with it unless he thinks it is his idea.

How are you getting on with seperating all the finances? I am getting ready to sart sorting out all the direct debits this week and will have to see where I stand with the mortgauge too.