Do both parents need to consent to a child's name change?

[november90]

Basically my ex husband left me at 24 weeks pregnant. He's shown little interest in our new son but has our first son 2 nights a week.
I am going to change my surname and asked if we can discuss incorporating my maiden name in their names, perhaps as a second middle name. Our second son isn't registered yet due to COVID so I just wanted to get it right before I do that. Basically he's said he will not change our first sons name but is happy for our second to have either my maiden name or a double barrelled name m. He won't tell me why our first isn't to have my name?
Could there be a possible legal alterior motive here?
Can I request to change our first without his consent?
I feel like he's controlling me. All I wanted to do was be part of their names and he's being so cruel! Why is that even an issue?!

You can't change your first without his consent ( I wanted to change my dd's name) but you can put whatever you like on the baby's certificate.

I think he's just trying to be controlling. I don't understand why he's treating them so differently!!! He manages to break my heart even when I don't have any feelings for him :(
How is it that I carried, gave birth to and cared for my son and he walks out on us and gets to treat us like this!

Everyone on here will say you need his consent, but that’s not necessarily true. My sister just changed her sons second name from his dads to hers. For the boys dad to stop it he had to take her to court to contest it, which he wasn’t in a position to do. I’m not saying I agree with what she did, the boys father didn’t agree to it and was devastated. She managed to do it anyway

@Itsjustabitofbanter really? I'd like to know how she managed it. Everything I found online told me I couldn't do it. As it is I've just registered her everywhere as my name and at school but legally she still has her dad's name.

@Itsjustabitofbanter

Everyone on here will say you need his consent, but that’s not necessarily true. My sister just changed her sons second name from his dads to hers. For the boys dad to stop it he had to take her to court to contest it, which he wasn’t in a position to do. I’m not saying I agree with what she did, the boys father didn’t agree to it and was devastated. She managed to do it anyway

How did she do that? Did she go to court or just change his name on things like school register?

You should register DC2 with the name you want. You don't even have to put XH on the birth certificate if you don't want to.

Changing DC1's name would be complicated. Assuming XH has parental responsibility (which he will if he's on the birth certificate) you do need his consent to change it. If he doesn't consent you could apply to the court for a specific issue order to change it, but it's not guaranteed it will be granted. Your best bet might be to change his name for everyday use - with a "known as" name for school etc - but not actually change it legally. Once he is 16 he can change it if he wants.
childlawadvice.org.uk/changing-a-childs-surname/

I had my name changed when I was a child. Only my DM signed it. My father is on my birth certificate but was not allowed access through the courts.

are you divorced?

if your legally single, he actually has no say whatsoever on the name of your newest baby

Yes what others said. He needs to agree to a legal change of name but you can take it to court and if there's no reason for him to object he may be overruled.

It is not up to him to take you to court and block it. It's up to you to take him to court if you want to do it.

Whether it used to work differently I don't know but it's been like this for the last 8 years.

Thank you everyone!
All I wanted was them both to have my surname as their second middle name... apparently I'm disgusting, dischracful and he felt threatening to take my eldest away permanent from me was a reasonable response!

It's definitely a control thing!

Leave it for a few years and then approach again. If he's backed off by that stage it would be easier to go through court at that point.

is he on the birth certificate?
if not, then he does not have parental responsibility afaik

My eldest DD and I changed her name by deed poll when she was around 11. Her F was long gone in another country and I was able to do it. (In Scotland)

I would give the baby your maiden name, officially revert to your maiden name, wait a couple of years, he'll probably bugger off again, then put in a "best interests of the child" SIO application to the court for your elder son to have the same surname as his mother and brother.

This is best achieved by giving the baby your maiden name and taking your maiden name back, yourself.

OP if your ex is controlling you, please please do not put him on the Birth Certificate. Take it from someone with experience, years later where my ex does not bother with his kids but uses his Parental Responsibility as a tool to control me, stop holidays, stop me changing to a nearer school, not sign passport even thou he refuses to see them!

And I would change your eldest child's name to yours via Deed poll and have it officiated by your solicitor. If your ex refuses take that as a sign of what the next 18 years will be like.

Whether she puts him on the BC or not it is trivial for him to get PR later.

You may be able to get a court order to do those things - and a passport application only needs the signature of one parent (in the UK at least).

Thank you so much for all of your advice and information! I've felt SO alone with all of this, I'm so sorry you've all been here but I'm so great full for the support!
I feel so bad for saying it but part of me wanted to keep him off the BC just because of how manipulative he's been and my genuine concerns for my son. But we share another child and I feel he would use this to take him away (I get anxiety about this due to his emotional abuse/threats). I also didn't want the boys to have different names as I don't want it to effect their relationships. My eldest had his dad there when he was born, cut his cord, has a bond with him.... with my youngest he walked out of my pregnancy, refused to be there when he was born and even now at 12 weeks he's never asked to take him out even for a walk!
It's a horrible situation to be in :(

It depends if he’s named on the birth certificate

If he had parental rights. As such.

You can however have him called whatever at achool

Or at the hospital. His name can be legally. Billy smith. But if you want him to be known as billy Bob fredricks. You can do so. Doesn’t have to use his legal name.