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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex wants DD for less time

19 replies

singleparent123 · 24/07/2020 11:17

Please bear with me if this doesn't make much sense, I'm pretty livid at the moment.

Bit of background - told ex I wasn't happy and wanted to separate in middle of April. DD is 4 and we lived in a house that is solely in my name and the mortgage is also solely in my name. We agreed he would buy the house off me and I would then be able to rent with my share of the equity. Fast forward to the end of May and I end up having to leave the house with my DD due to his behaviour (shouting at me in front of her, calling me the 'c' word in front of her etc etc). We ended up staying with one of my friends for a month and finally sorted somewhere to rent at the end of June.

During this time he has been working Monday - Friday and I have been furloughed so he has had her overnight Friday and Saturday and dropped her off Sunday and now and then has had her for an hour or two on a Wednesday evening before dropping her back off.

Work now want me to go back on 3rd August and I will be doing three days a week - Monday, Tuesday and Friday so DD will need to go back to private nursery for these days. They are going to see if they can get her funding back but if not will have to pay. I asked ex if he would cover half of this which he agreed to.

I then get a text saying 'so she will be going in the morning and afternoon then yeah? Just checking because it means I can have her weeknights overnight then. It's too much to use all of my free time at the moment and I've been having to use holidays just to be able to do my own things'

I've asked him how many weeknights he means and what weekend days and he basically only plans on having her Friday night and then dropping her back off to me on Saturday and then for his mam and dad to help out for a week night here and there. So I would still be having her for three (possibly more) whole days a week whilst working and he basically won't be having her for any.

Am I right I'm feeling that this is completely unfair or am I blowing it out of proportion?

Thank you if you got the the end, I didn't think it was going to be quite that long sorry!

OP posts:

Original poster

singleparent123 · 24/07/2020 11:29

Forgot to add he also said he's trying to get Fridays off work but no mention of having her for that day

OP posts:

CallmeAngelina · 24/07/2020 11:33

Hang on... childcare aside, why on earth have you moved out of a house that is in your sole name? Who is paying the mortgage on it? Where does that leave you if he defaults?

footprintsintheslow · 24/07/2020 11:36

I'm more confused about the house situation. Why would he buy you out so you have to rent. It's your house?

Commentutappelles · 24/07/2020 11:38

What pp said, why why WHY would you sell him your house and move out???

CallmeAngelina · 24/07/2020 11:46

If you're already on the housing ladder, you'd be insane to get off and move into rented if there's any other option at all - like getting him out!

Morgan12 · 24/07/2020 11:49

You are selling him your house? Has this actually happened yet? If not get round there today, chuck him out and you and DD move back in. He can rent! I'm sorry OP but that's absolutely insane what you are doing here!

Also, he should have her every other weekend for the full weekend so you both have the same amount of child free leisure time.

Original poster

singleparent123 · 24/07/2020 11:57

I didn't want to make things any worse for DD at the time by involving the police to get him out. I also hate the house and the neighbours so wouldn't have wanted to stay there anywhere.

I know it sounds insane but he really had beaten me down that much and made me so miserable that I just wanted out.

I will try suggesting every other weekend.

OP posts:

OneMoreLight · 24/07/2020 11:57

He should have moved out not you.

I do think he does have a point about having her every weekend. It means he can't do any thing on weekends for himself whilst you're free every weekend. Also when she goes to school you'll won't get any downtime with her for days out etc. Also you'll just end up doing the majority of the school organising.

If you do the traditional every other weekend or 50/50 you both get time to yourself and when she starts school you both get downtime with her on a weekend.

OneMoreLight · 24/07/2020 11:58

I don't know where all my paragraphs have gone.

footprintsintheslow · 24/07/2020 11:58

So has the house sold?

Have you got a solicitor as it sounds like you need professional legal advice to me.

Starlightstarbright1 · 24/07/2020 18:56

I agree speak to a solicitor .

I absolutely would not want my child away every week . Assuming she is in School September you will get no quality time with her . Why not suggest Eow and one weekday night ?

Delaberge · 24/07/2020 21:20

My OH has his Fri night to Sat every weekend too. It's the equivalent of every other weekend and works for us

Authenticcelestialmusic · 24/07/2020 21:28

Are you married is the first question? Has he actually bought the house off you yet? Ie exchanged contracts? Did he help with a deposit when you bought it?

You can not persuade him to have you daughter more of The time. He is showing you what matters to him (the house and presumably some of the equity). You (depending on the answers to the above questions) can only fight for the best possible financial solution for you both, you cannot make him want to spend time with her. He took the family home off her and has let you move into rented with her, which is far less secure accommodation. He has shown exactly who matters to him.

Lougle · 24/07/2020 21:46

It's not often you see parents arguing over who gets the child too much Contact is for the child's benefit, not to give parents a break from them.

carly2803 · 24/07/2020 22:25

i cant get past the bit where you moved out?!

go back round there, with friends or police and get him to move the fuck out - tomorrow!

that is your stabliity, your daughters home!

fwiw - every other weekend and a tea in the week is most peoples standards

carly2803 · 24/07/2020 22:25

i cant get past the bit where you moved out?!

go back round there, with friends or police and get him to move the fuck out - tomorrow!

that is your stabliity, your daughters home!

fwiw - every other weekend and a tea in the week is most peoples standards

midnightstar66 · 24/07/2020 22:35

It's not often you see parents arguing over who gets the child too much Contact is for the child's benefit, not to give parents a break from them.

This. Selfishly I'd keep mine all the time but i know they need their dad too. However I'd never allow EW as I'd have no quality/fun time. You can't make him have her more than he wants but the less nights he has her the more child maintenance he'll be due which will help you out. One night every week is the same as EOW as a pp points out and his DP fill in in lieu in the week. Ideally it would be better if it were him but again you can't make him want that.

EvilPea · 24/07/2020 23:15

As someone who was bullied out of my home.
I’m properly fucked now with housing. I will never be able to buy again, never give my kids a stable home. I won’t be able to retire and I won’t leave my kids anything in my will.
Get what’s yours, get legal on his arse and get what’s yours and your daughters.

PumpkinP · 24/07/2020 23:47

You can’t make someone have their kid. My ex was absent for 3 years a now he got back in contact he only wants to see the kids every OTHER weekend for the day, NO over nights. Think yourself lucky!

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