I bloody hate school holidays

[TheOrigBrave]

I work full time from home (have done for years, not a new corona thing).
I am alone with DS2 (age 11). Barely any childcare options this summer, and he doesn't need full on childcare, just to be occupied.

Day 1 - xbox and then out with friends locally in the afternoon. Fine
Day 2 - 1/2 day of football camp. Fine.
Day 3 - to a friend's house. Fine.
Day 4 - friend took him out for the day. Fine.
Day 5. Today. He's meant to go to football camp from 12-4. He says his legs ache. I've just him off the xbox and now we're stuck. He's grumpy, I'm pissed off.

I have nothing for next week apart from one day out with his old childminder.

I really do not understand the need to 'entertain' kids constantly - if he wants to play on his xbox I would let him. It's his holiday too.

Can he arrange to meet his friends more regularly?
Do you have a garden?
I know my dc get grumpy without some exercise and too much Xbox so we have a checklist on the days we’re in.
I found one on the internet somewhere and printed it off. It basically says
Before screen time, have you done the following

• chores (made bed, tidied room, ask mum)
• Reading/homework
• something creative
• exercise

I found it really helpful. For the creative thing my dcs did baking, YouTube drawing and art tutorials and coding.
Exercise ended up practising football skills in the garden.

Send him to camp. It will make him move a bit then he can Xbox later. It is important to get a mixture of activities in a day. Sitting watching a screen is not acceptable for a full day for an adult or a child. (to previous poster) What you are doing sounds great OP. A bit of running around / going to a friends then Xbox time sounds like a good holiday to me. On a thread the other day some one said ask your child for some things they would really like to do over the summer and book them in. When I asked mine they said eat chicken nuggets. So that was an easy win!

I really do not understand the need to 'entertain' kids constantly - if he wants to play on his xbox I would let him. It's his holiday too.

I didn't say I needed to entertain him, I need him to be occupied.

You would let your child play on xbox all day, every day for the school holidays? I am not happy with that.

Can he arrange to meet his friends more regularly?

I am encouraging him to contact his friends, but they've all got out of the loop since lockdown.
I don't want to keep asking the parents.

Do you have a garden?

Not big enough to kick a ball about - just a small patio. He can go to the park, he just doesn't want to.

I found it really helpful. For the creative thing my dcs did baking, YouTube drawing and art tutorials and coding.

He can just about bake alone, needs some help though.
YouTube drawing he loves. He can occupy himself, he's just choosing not to.

Exercise ended up practising football skills in the garden.

I'm happy to exercise with him, or let him out alone. I just need him to WANT to do something.
What I would really like is for a SAH friend to call me up and offer to take him for a few hours. That's entirely self-centered of me I know, I'm just so tired of organising everything.

I have a brain-intensive job and just feel so torn and crap.

Invite one of his friends to your house. It will be entertaining for him. The age they are they could play out together for a while or play together on Xbox. Often 2 playing together is easier than one bored child. Good luck

Thanks. It's calm now (I'm not very patient and short on resilience myself atm), he's drawing from YouTube and watching Jamie Johnson and I've made him beans on toast.

I might see if he'll come out on his bike while I run later. Will do us both good.

Lost £25 on the football camp.

Sounds like a good plan!

You would let your child play on xbox all day, every day for the school holidays? I am not happy with that.

Not all day every day but it sounds like he's been doing other things every day?

Have you never had a day where you've just lazed around and fucked about on MN / FB / watched crap on TV in between short bursts of doing the dishes etc? I don't see a massive problem with it.

I have been at home on my own with two since the start of March, trying to work full time and usually having to do nightshift to catch up. I'm taking no time off this summer because I'm so behind. Yes they've had lots and lots of days where they've done nothing but amuse themselves with youtube / xbox / tv.

It's a difficult time and one summer isn't going to kill them. Loads of kids are going to be in the same boat.

My bar is somewhat higher than a difficult summer not killing him.

Yes I know it's been difficult for many, that doesn't invalidate how I feel.

So when are you inviting the friend to your house and taking him out for the day?
I may be being unreasonable but I get fed up of hosting other people's kids when the favour is never returned.

Do you not have some annual leave to take. Also a lp to an 11 Yr old so do get where your coming from. I always take 3 weeks over the summer hols (not all at once). Mine tends to play out with friends most days, we're lucky that they all live very close by though. We're in Scotland so almost 4 weeks into holidays now and it's definitely been harder with everything closed and no actual holiday.

@Spied at the weekends when I am not working. Already arranged with the 2 mates who hosted (they offered) this week.

@Infullbloom I do have some AL bit of course it has to be spread over the year.

I am hoping he gets into a groove with the local children.

It is a difficult summer OP.
We have Friday's as screen days.
The other days 10-2 are screen free and have to be something productive.
It can be a high winge time but my dc 11 are awful with unlimited screen time.
Drawing, baking, reading, cat/dog bathing, clay modeling, painting and complaining are this week's efforts.

Could he offer gardening to neighbours/weeding and such? Dog walking?
Maybe a few pounds for an afternoons work would spur him on.
He could spend one day making flyers?

I have been at home on my own with two since the start of March, trying to work full time and usually having to do nightshift to catch up. I'm taking no time off this summer because I'm so behind. Yes they've had lots and lots of days where they've done nothing but amuse themselves with youtube / xbox / tv.

That's 4 1/2 months of days.
How are you managing?
As it is I don't go to bed until gone midnight as I leave all the house/admin until DS is in bed so I can spend some time with him in the evening.

Do you DS have each other to play with? How old are they? Do they spend any time with the other parent?

I just feel such a massive failure.

• he doesn't want to play out cos there's a boy he's not keen on
• he doesn't want to go on day trip to beach with old CM in case there's a lad there he's not keen on (too bad)
• he doesn't want to go to football camp cos it's mainly younger kids (he's going anyway)
• he's pissed off cos other people have fathers or grandparents
• I've asked parents if their kids want to come over, most haven't replied

Spied those are good ideas, but I know he won't take to them.

People tell me all the wonderfully resourceful things their 11 yos are doing and mine doesn't want to to anything.

He did bake yesterday.

2 days of school we got. TWO days and back to remote learning.
He's a very intelligent boy with very high expectations of himself.
He is also very volatile.
Right now he's gulping air down with tears because he doesn't want to do the work. He's just started year 7. I can't just say sod it like I did for year 6.

I am trying to work from my garden office. I just cant face another sodding day of him being miserable and crying and me being miserable and crying. I can't make it better for him.

I need to step up to the plate. He's recently had a very difficult time with contact with his Dad (to summarise, was calling me saying he was scared and I had to advise him to just leave and find somewhere safe).

Sorry, this sounds like a great big pity party.

Are school still taking keyworker or vulnerable children?

I dread schools closing again. It was fine In the summer and I was furloughed and we dipped in and out of school stuff. But can't imagine doing it and working.

Have school got any pastoral support you can access.

Thank you for replying unicorn.
He went back to school yesterday - fingers crossed it will be for a while, though we are preparing ourselves for more periods at home.

He has very high expectations of himself and it's hard trying to manage those.
I absolutely don't want to MAKE him do the work (how could I?), but he does know there is an expectation that he will. I told him that not all kids would be doing it and that he should just do his best and stop if it's getting too much.

We went away for the weekend spontaneously, which was just what we both needed.