Shared parenting pressures

[shehadsomuchpotential]

I have now been successfully sharing care of my two kids with my ex for almost three years now. It wasn't easy at first, but we have all now moved on with new partners and all rub along together pretty well. The children are happy.

I just wonder if anyone else in this position puts themselves under massive pressure (and therefore also probably the kids) to be perfect and on top form 'all of the time' when you are together because you only have them 50% of the time?

I put myself under so much pressure for us to always do new and interesting fun things (not necessarily splashing cash) and i work full time and i wear myself out with my own expectations. And of course sometimes the kids aren't feeling your idea and its then not perfect and a bit shattering and fills me with doubt about not being good enough for them.

I also rush like crazy to make sure i never need to do housework when they are here or drag them round a supermarket, because 'it would be a terrible mother who didn't do that when she was childfree' given the situation and that i get a little free time unlike many people who have it much harder.

Anyone else trying to be supermum through guilt in a shared care situation?

I do something like that. I’m so determined to make ds’s life better than when we were with his dad (which was pretty dire).

Before lockdown I tried to keep fit so my energy levels are high, So parkrun on a Saturday morning, then ds went to swimming lessons Saturday lunchtime, and then normally a play date, Saturday afternoon. Then home cooked meal Saturday evening etc. House had to be clean so ex couldn’t criticise when he collectEd ds on Sunday. Plus all the incidental stuff.

You aren’t the only one. I hope lockdown has given you a bit of time back for a couple of months. Or at least the summer holidays.

I understand what you are saying but teaching them house work, how much things cost when shopping etc are important life skills for them and just as much part of parenting as fun stuff

Thanks mintjulia. I drive myself to the point of exhaustion and sometimes i know i am being too much or trying too hard and i need to stop. I am at least mindful of it these days and try to slow down. Lockdown was hard working full time from home and homeschooling. A new kind of hamsters wheel. But things should be a little easier now it is the school holidays. And i have booked a week away to the lakes to relax as a family in September.

Thanks woodmarsh. Its good to be reminded that i shouldn't feel guilty for running a home. I guess its the pressure to prioritise those tasks when they aren't here. But i shouldn't beat myself up when i cant (i have a full on job) as there are life lessons in all things as you point out. We do cook together and they are asked to help around the house and know that we have treat days and no spend days, so please don't think they are utterly spoilt horrid children!

Bless you I didn't think that just that you were putting too much pressure on yourself

I agree with @Woodmarsh you need the kids to see that there isn't a magic fairy who cleans the house and dies the shopping. But also children need to learn how to manage quiet time where they have to amuse themselves as my mum says 'children need to learn to be bored occasionally'.
They should also have little jobs to help you are all one family and need to work together.