Exs new girlfriend.... When does it stop hurting

[Marie543]

I've 5 kids, 4 with first husband, 1 with second. First husband amicable break up, 2nd not so. He has a new girlfriend of about 8 months now, they live together so ds is part of both their lives. Today they have taken ds to zoo and it hurts like hell. It's like she has got the husband I wanted as his not moody and horrible as she has 0 kids and I had 4 before dh2. I cannot move on as I'm coming to terms with wether he was abusive emotionally, my kids beg me to never have another boyfriend cause what we went through. Just feel they can play happy families with ds who is his while I have all the peices to pick up of how he left us. Apparently she has decided she will never have kids of her own, but she is quite happy to jump in and play mum to my son....... It hurts so much

She's not got the husband you wanted. He won't be lovely all the time with her.

If he was moody and horrible, he IS that person...he won't be able to fake being someone else just because there aren't kids at home with him full time.

If she's kind to your son, that's a good thing. I know it's hard not to feel jealous...but think of it as someone on your son's side. Rather than a replacement for you...nobody can replace you.

You watch and wait. He'll show his true colours.

I understand that it's hard but there are definite positives here. You're not in a miserable relationship. Your son still has two parents who love him. Your son is being treated kindly by his dad's new partner. It would be awful to think that this woman doesnt want anything to do with your son, that she wont go out for lovely days with him and his dad, that she wont treat him with some importance. Your son is being shown love and kindness. That is so important to a child

From the outside I'd be saying the same things, but from the inside I feel like she's decided she won't have kids for him cause he won't have anymore, while I risked having a 5th c section so I could give him his own child. The 5th pushed him over the edge, now me and the 4 kids are left miserable. I find it hard having all 5, I can't date, while the 3 play happy families.

It will get better the kids will get older and it will get easier. It really sounds like you need to take time and heal yourself before anything else. For the moment just be glad you are free of him now.

So she's possibly going to wake up to herself at some point and think Hang on...I DO want kids!

Or it might be too late for her.

At least you have 5 beautiful children OP. What has she got? A nasty man.

I feel like the father of the other 4 is getting off with no blame here? Could you schedule so he has the other 4 when ds5 is away with exdh2 and you have some you time?

Definitely a good thing that his girlfriend likes ds, be happy with that.

I understand your dilemma . He’s having a good time and poor you are lumbered with 5 kids . It’s going to be very very tough on you and you know it . Your kids are right the next guy might be worse it might leave your kids more worried and anxious. I think you have needs too as a human but the love and company of your children can’t be replaced by anything else . You need other people around you to support you .

He's still an arse !

Would you consider just not dating for a while? Sounds like you've a busy home life anyway? It's not for everyone I guess but I'd be keen to avoid men for a while and get on with my children?

If your DC are 'begging' you not to take up with another bloke, I'd be listening to them.

Many of us on here have had children with men who aren't up to the job. You're very angry without him, but instead of asking why did a man who wanted his own biological children choose a woman who already had 4 children, ask why did I marry a man who wanted his own biological children when I already had 4? What did I want/expect from the relationship? He's let you down, but that sometimes happens. People are allowed to end relationships and it was always a risk that would happen. Don't be angry with yourself but stay single and do some soul searching