Would you be annoyed

[Witchesandwizards]

Massive backstory
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3877702-Just-need-to-share-no-solution?msgid=96436942

But in a nutshell, Kiwi husband pretty much forced me to move to NZ from London in October, I hate it, our marriage broke down quickly and this was the first whole weekend he had the kids.

He collected them an hour late.
Fed them Mcdonalds on the way to his parents beach house
Went out for pizza and kept them out until midnight
His mum made their breakfast
He forgot to give them lunch, and dropped them off an hour late at 6pm starving and knackered and dumped all their stuff outside the front door, dirty washing and all.

He wonders why I say his role is 'fun uncle' not dad.

From your post I think even if he was father of the year you would find fault.

For your own sanity you need to let go of the control. You can’t control what he does, what he feeds them etc on his time.

He can parent as he sees fit (just like you can).

If you continue on this path you’ll have years of bickering and the only people it really affects are the children.

@NorthernSpirit My first post or the entire saga?
If you haven't read more (and don't blame you, it's a marathon), you might have missed the bit where he told me on my birthday that he only loved me because I looked after him and now I have stopped he's leaving me to have fun. This was mid Covid, 6 months after moving here.

But yes, I do know I need to relax, I was really just seeing what people thought because I am so new to this and don't really have any point of reference.

Sorry you are in this position. It sounds difficult.

It is best to not engage. I know how difficult that can be.

Communication is about contact. Pick up and drop off times. Aim for a set routine. So that you only need to communicate if there is a change.

Money through the necessary channels

Property through the solicitors.

Set up a joint diary app for the children to communicate their commitments. Etc.

It gets easier in time.

This sounds hard. But ultimately you have to let him do his time with the kids how he likes. And when they grow up they will realise he's a shit "fun" dad and you've been a stable supportive decent parent. In the long term it won't damage them.

Hi W&W, I’ve followed through the old thread. I know the threads will count as diary reminders but it’s worth also taking photos of the children and baggage when they return. He is not parenting, he’s not even ‘fun uncle‘ing very well. Your poor children.

I know there are laws against keeping the children in the UK but what could he actually do if you came for a visit and refused to return? Have they got EU passports? I would have thought that their history in the UK and proportion of their life spent here would be significant factors in a UK court?

I haven't read all your previous thread, but just posting with the view that I was that child who had the 'fun uncle' dad.

Weekends were full of takeaways, day trips, late nights and 'fun' stuff but it doesn't last forever. Now I'm 30 I barely have a relationship with him and I can see why my mum used to get so frustrated, which at the time I obviously couldn't.

You really just need to let him have his moment, the children will see him for what he is, and what you do for them when they're old enough.

'Fun uncle' doesn't last forever, by the teenage years he will be pulling his hair out and begging how you do it!