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Access/Court question

11 replies

Delbelleber · 10/07/2020 11:40

Hi. I have an 8w old baby and I have only put my name on the birth certificate due to the father's angry outbursts and general unreasonableness. I have offered him supervised contact twice a week and told him I'm not trying to stop them having a relationship but I need to have the right to remove my child from an abusive situation if it arises.
The father went nuts and is threatening to take me to court. However my question is this if I am offering contact does he really have anything to take me to court over?
Thanks

OP posts:
netflixismysidehustle · 10/07/2020 20:42

He could start the process of being added to the birth certificate

You have been reasonable offering contact so let him get legal advice and get told the same by a professional.

netflixismysidehustle · 10/07/2020 20:42

He could start the process of being added to the birth certificate

You have been reasonable offering contact so let him get legal advice and get told the same by a professional.

carly2803 · 10/07/2020 20:53

bump for you OP

i dont know the answer but someone else should

fwiw though you are right to offer supervised only, if you are breastfeeding too, keep it up

carly2803 · 10/07/2020 20:53

bump for you OP

i dont know the answer but someone else should

fwiw though you are right to offer supervised only, if you are breastfeeding too, keep it up

LonginesPrime · 10/07/2020 21:39

told him I'm not trying to stop them having a relationship but I need to have the right to remove my child from an abusive situation if it arises.

You don't just have a right to remove your child from an abusive situation, OP, you have a responsibility to do so.

Removing your child from harm is not something your ex gets to override, and frankly, it's worrying that he would want to.

Did he go nuts because you want to supervise contact, because you said you will remove DC if things become abusive or because he denies that he is abusive?

Starlightstarbright1 · 10/07/2020 21:58

Please get your concerns documented with Hv.
If he is abusive go to the police. It will help in protecting your dc

Delbelleber · 10/07/2020 22:03

He denies he is abusive. He doesn't want me there while the baby is visiting. At the last visit he started getting arsey with his mum then started shouting at me so I left with the baby. After I told him he was not on the birth certificate he told me never to contact him again and then he said he wants a dna test, then it was he'd take me to court, loads of name calling.
I haven't replied to any of it. I am starting to think it's all attention seeking and hopefully when he get fed up and back off.
It makes me ill thinking of my baby being in his care. Headaches and anxiety it's horrible.

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 10/07/2020 22:06

The health visitor knows the situation and I've been in contact with the police who said its a civil matter. I was foolish in the past and made excuses for his behaviour when I should've had him charged.

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 10/07/2020 22:14

You dont have to give him any access at minute, if hes not on birth cert or married to you he has no parental rights. Its up to him to prove he is father before a court will consider any access.

Delbelleber · 10/07/2020 22:26

Ideally I don't want it going to court. I want him to either accept my access conditions or leave us alone. He's always contradicting what he wants though, playing games basically and all the while trying to paint me as the bad guy. It's exhausting.

OP posts:
YesYesBoi · 11/07/2020 00:01

If you Op have given him access then that is proof that you believe he is the df. Putting him on the BC or not doesn't make a difference if you allow contact because he can just apply to be added on.

You need to stop communicating with him when he's acting arsey or rude. Stop engaging in it, and stick to what you want. The lo is small and contact should be safe for you and the dc.

If he wants and dna let him arrange and pay for it, if he wants court again let him arrange and paid for it. Cause he either will or he won't.

Stop putting yourself through this stress because at this moment the lo only cares about you.
Of course it's great for a df to have a bond but this lo isn't a tool to fight over.

Tell him he can visit on x day at x time and that's it, obviously don't pick times he working, and twice a week for 30 minutes to an hour is better. Little an often but you of course can be there to supervise - watch some tv while he does his thing, DONT play on your phone that will cause tension.

You want to be helpful and supportive but you don't have to sacrifice.

Only you know if he has the money or energy to actually go through mediation, dna and court.

OP I just had court with my ex today, hasn't see his ds in 6 months, it was for a non mol. And he moaned about not seeing his ds but when asked what had he done to see him - it was a big fat nothing. He harasses me but can't actually use that energy to see his ds.

It's all BS. Manipulation. My ex actually started crying on the phone as if that would make the judge feel sorry for him 🤦🏽‍♀️ it didn't I got my order.

Remember it's about you and your little one.

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