Long story short
We separated 6 years ago due to physical abuse towards our children. He was arrested and it was agreed by myself, him and social work that he could have 6 weeks of contact with the children in their contact room and then he would need to apply for a contact centre assessment And have it review periodically by cafcass until he could see the kids again alone.
He did the 6 weeks with a/c and then refused to go to contact centre. We have been to mediation twice in 2016 already where I have referred to the social services agreement that we both signed and he has not bothered since then. He then applied again for mediation last week. I explained to the mediator that we have nothing to discuss without him going back to social care and ask them as without a cafcass assessment etc I am not allowed to let him see the kids outside of a contact centre.
He was having phone contact/ FaceTime with the kids but he is so adhoc and inconsistent that the kids have given up calling him now.
Today I received 2 cards in the post for my eldest kids birthdays, 12 and 13. He gave one £10 in a card and the other he didn’t put any money in but said in the card ‘I’ve bought you an engraved iPhone with your name etc all personalised.
Obviously this upset the other child.
I called him to ask why and he said it can do what I want’ they are now both upset as one doesn’t want the other to miss out on a phone and the other because he got a thoughtless £10 in a card and the other got the promise of an iphone.
I feel this is really unfair and manipulative.
The one who he bought the iPhone for he has told in the past is his ‘favourite’ and the other is my child that he was abusing.
I don’t know what to do.
My gut is to stop all contact until he is assessed by social care but maybe I’m overreacting?