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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

contact order and alcohol

15 replies

wheredowegofromhere · 27/09/2007 15:31

can I insist that XP should stay sober during contact with DS (18 m.o.) What to do if he doesn't respect it? I don't want him to drink anything when DS (18 m.o) is with him, he's the type to drink 4 pints and still thinks he's sober.

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nightshade · 27/09/2007 18:56

totally reasonable request unfortunately it is hard for you to monitor.

you can return to court if he does not adhere to same, or if you have concerns about him drinking excessively.

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madamez · 27/09/2007 19:01

Can you have a resonable discussion with him about it? Is he a problem drinker ie drinking all the time or just someone who likes a few when he's not got any reason to stay sober.

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peskipixie · 27/09/2007 19:03

do you never have a drink when ds is around? you need to think of it like that, if its reasonable for you to do it they might make him do it

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Tinkerbel5 · 28/09/2007 10:37

yes he should stay sober when he has your son, but having a few beers wont harm and I dont think he would be drunk on 4, im sure the majority of us have a glass of wine when around children, if you think that he is drunk to the extent that your son is in danger then thats another issue.

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wheredowegofromhere · 28/09/2007 11:32

He drinks about 10 units a day, way over any recommended amounts and even if he doesn't put DS's life in danger, he's drunk, not emotionally there, either frantically playing or totally ignoring him. I used to have the one beer or glass of wine from time to time but TBH, I've given up. Drinking is not relaxing, it's a battleground, not worth it!

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Debra1981 · 28/09/2007 13:15

i've got the same concerns with my ex. i never understood how for a couple of mornings a week for the sake of his baby daughter he just couldnt help having a drink while she was there. imo where his time with her is limited, he shouldnt drink at all during contact. if i trusted him with her overnight a little might be ok but he doesnt know when to stop and gets aggressive with it too. how do you take it back to court if he flat denies it like mine has?

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wheredowegofromhere · 28/09/2007 14:44

Hi Debra, that really, is the question! I was hoping that someone might've gone through this and could share their wisdom... I found the Shared Parenting Information Group (SPIG) UK website interesing and was wondering how practical and efficient were restrictions on contac orders.

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Tinkerbel5 · 28/09/2007 21:50

If he is drinking 10 units a day then thats a different story, I wouldnt have thought there would be conditions on this on contact orders, maybe putting a request in writing and have a solicitor send it to him might be an idea although it will cost you.

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Tinkerbel5 · 28/09/2007 21:51

*wouldnt

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mamazon · 28/09/2007 21:55

if you are getting this all formalised through solicitors or court then yes you can have this stipulated as a cindition of contact.

it is perfectly reasonable to expect him to remain sober whilst he has your daughter in his care.

speak with your solicitor about either getting a letter to his sols or to file a statement to the court.

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wheredowegofromhere · 04/10/2007 11:15

I've actually counted the bottles and cans from the recyled bag and there was over 23liters of booze, equivalent to 125 units. Nearly 6 times over the healhy recommendation, made me feel sick...

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Debra1981 · 10/10/2007 13:00

he refused to recycle. the household bin used to be about 60% purely empty cans and bottles. now i don't know what he's like, how much he drinks, but i will never trust him not to.

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wheredowegofromhere · 12/10/2007 11:36

Yesterday DS was a bit poorly, XP took the day off work to spend time with him. I came home from work at 7pm and both DS and XP were asleep on the sofa. XP had passed out in a drunken stupor, the baby was half naked (the heating wasn't on), unsupervised, the gate closing access to the kitchen/cutlery knives/cat food/food bin was not closed, washing up not done. So fu**ing fortunate DS was so knackered he fell asleep instead of being his usual explorer. I was so gobsmacked I filmed them on my phone before putting DS in his cot. When XP woke up he denied that he would fall asleep, leaving DS unsupervised and called me a liar, saying that I was inventing stuff to say against him when we finally concretise access and contact. I'm keeping a diary and I'm now recording him (new mobiles are great!).

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bluejelly · 12/10/2007 11:50

Oh my god that's outrageous
I presume you won't let him look after the baby again!

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Debra1981 · 12/10/2007 12:02

wheredowegofromhere is there anyone who can stay with your xp during contact to discourage him from drinking- hasn't always worked in my case but at least you know there's someone else there to look after baby if he does drink.