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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

No effort on his side

8 replies

EBM20 · 03/07/2020 16:53

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant. I'm in a relationship with the baby's father but we don't live together, I don't see our relationship carrying on if he continues like this. I live at my parents house and he lives at his mums flat. He does not get along with my parents and never comes round to see me, always me going round to his.

We were looking at getting our own place but we both lost our jobs due to the coronavirus so can't afford to move out.

His mums flat is tiny and is cramped with just him and his mum living there. I tried living there and lasted 2 weeks, theres not enough space and theres not space for annother set of draws for even my clothes. They have a indoor cat which goes out occasionally, the litter box is in the tiny bathroom which often gets litter all over the floor and the cat has fleas, which they say he dosent and that he wears a flea collar but I've been bitten several times, caught fleas jumping on me and they spray the furniture every day with flea killer, yet they say he dosent have fleas. The cat has no personal space awareness and will just jump on you uninvited and claws you if you don't stroke him, which they say is him wanting attention and showing his love. The cat also goes where it wants and has no boundaries, sits on the table, on the kitchen sides and even on the oven top! The flat is just not suitable to have a baby there and I have tried to have discussions with my partner about it and he gets all up roar about it and says what do you want me to do, kick the cat out? On top of that the flat is on a main road and has a small car park, less parking spaces than the amount of flats, often when I go round I have to turn back and park at my house and walk 10 minutes round as theres no parking spaces and you cannot park on the main road and theres no other parking near by.

I've made it clear I will be staying at my mums and he is welcome to come round and visit me and baby whenever he wants to. His reply is no, I'm not welcome round there so I won't be coming round, you can come round to see me. He is also refusing to buy anything for the baby for my house, anything he buys he says it's for his house for when baby comes to visit. I feel like I'm buying everything for the baby myself with no support from him. I'm also scared of his expectations once baby is here, wanting me to bring baby over all the time and has even spoke about baby staying over a few nights a week. I feel like the baby needs routine and living between 2 houses will make it difficult. Every time I talk about the situation he gets shitty and says oh everything is always about you and your family all the time. My family have been more supportive with the baby than he has, my sister giving me her travel system and my nan is buying the baby's crib.

OP posts:
EBM20 · 03/07/2020 17:04

Sorry if I've posted this in the wrong area. I feel like I will end up being a single parent.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 03/07/2020 17:05

Yes you will be.
And it’s probably for the best.

puzzledpiece · 03/07/2020 19:22

Sadly he isn't father or even partner material. There's no question of him having the baby round at his mothers house alone, it will be far too young initially.

Part of me is inclined to say don't encourage a relationship between him and the baby because it's always going to be a problem if you don't live together. However that's not in the baby's best interest in the long term. I think it's just a case of playing it by ear, but no way would I allow a small baby to stay in such unhygienic conditions .

carly2803 · 03/07/2020 21:32

everything you have said,literally says single parents already OP

sorry OP, it soundslike you are better off without him.. Make it very clear to him that the baby will not be leaving you and staying over at his for a very long time

breastfeed too if you can!

carly2803 · 03/07/2020 21:32

everything you have said,literally says single parents already OP

sorry OP, it soundslike you are better off without him.. Make it very clear to him that the baby will not be leaving you and staying over at his for a very long time

breastfeed too if you can!

GroovyGrove · 03/07/2020 21:39

So is he going to buy all the things the baby needs for the few times he sees them? Or is he just going to do nothing?

Sounds like he's full of excuses and no actions.
He doesn't like your parents and?... your having a dc he needs to grow up, and he's lost his job and?... there is work out there. He might not like it but he can find work.

You need to list all the things your doing and what he's doing and read it everytime you make excuses or listen to his lies.

He doesn't need to go to yours because your go to his and if you don't he just won't bother and you don't want that to happen.

You need to take sometime and really plan as a single parent. It will be hard at times but it isn't that bad, it's better than the uncertainty of a crap relationship and the few days they ACT like a proper partner.

GroovyGrove · 03/07/2020 21:40

So is he going to buy all the things the baby needs for the few times he sees them? Or is he just going to do nothing?

Sounds like he's full of excuses and no actions.
He doesn't like your parents and?... your having a dc he needs to grow up, and he's lost his job and?... there is work out there. He might not like it but he can find work.

You need to list all the things your doing and what he's doing and read it everytime you make excuses or listen to his lies.

He doesn't need to go to yours because your go to his and if you don't he just won't bother and you don't want that to happen.

You need to take sometime and really plan as a single parent. It will be hard at times but it isn't that bad, it's better than the uncertainty of a crap relationship and the few days they ACT like a proper partner.

Starlightstarbright1 · 06/07/2020 19:41

This isn’t a relationship . Personally I would end it . Put a claim in for cms once baby is born . Currently you will only get £7 a week if he is unemployed but more if he gets another job

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