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Ex manipulating professionals

4 replies

Sunflowers20 · 03/07/2020 15:11

I left my ex two years ago due to emotional (and some physical) abuse. It's been a total roller-coaster since then, with ongoing court. Ex wasn't a great dad and didn't spend much time with our young kids, but he demanded 50:50 to try and keep control over me and them. When this failed (he got eow and one evening a week currently) he just found new ways to cause issues. He's constantly making complaints/raising concerns about me to professionals (school, nursery, GP, and most recently social services). He'll also do things like telling one service that another service has said or recommended a particular course of action that isn't true.

I feel like I spend a huge chunk of my time having to fire fight all these issues, correct info and pre-empt issues. I think he's partially doing it just to continue his abuse and control, and also partly to try and create false 'evidence' for court (e.g. having GP apointments about issues relating to our children, giving false info and then using the medical records as evidence for court). He comes across as very intelligent, caring and genuine so his manipulation often works and people don't realise what he's up to.

I do have a good solicitor, but I don't think they appreciate how stressful this all is or the long-term consequences. Any advice?

OP posts:
NCsonoOuting · 07/07/2020 08:37

Do you know about the Freedom Programme? That will help you learn how to cope with him.

Also any of Lundy Bancroft's books, starting with Why Does He Do That? which I think is available free online.

NCsonoOuting · 07/07/2020 08:39

Do you have evidence of the previous abuse, eg police records? If so I'd ensure that any professionals involved are made aware of what happened and the evidence. Request that all facts are checked with you first.

Mintjulia · 11/07/2020 09:50

Document everything. Keep a detailed diary of every nasty undermining stunt he pulls. Be calm and dispassionate but make sure every agency who raises a query, sees it.

The school and anyone who sees you regularly with your dc will know it's a load of rubbish.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 11/07/2020 10:12

My exh did similar. My barrister applied for a section? (sorry forgotten what) to stop him dragging me to court for absolutely no justified reasoning..
For example he didn't want my new dh writing in ds's reading record /my having blinds up at my window denying him visual access /claiming I had claimed benefits for ds - went direct to court not even via his solicitor that one! Judge bollocked him!!
He can be stopped op.

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