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Original poster

Is this reasonable - child access

23 replies

clpsmum · 03/07/2020 08:47

STBXH is allegedly going to. Solicitor to put in place an agreement to see children. We have three DC. He wants to have one for an overnight visit on a Friday and the other two on a Saturday. Do you think this is reasonable?

I'd prefer he had all three of them together so I can get a night off. I also don't like the idea of them never spending the weekend together and me not seeing the three of them together at weekends. So t know if my reasons for not wanting it are actually valid or I'm just being selfish

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 03/07/2020 09:01

I wouldn’t be happy with splitting them up, nor would I be happy at never getting a weekend with them (assuming they go to
School/nursery).
I would seek legal advice.

unicornsarereal72 · 03/07/2020 09:01

Nope. Not reasonable at all. Why does one child get preferential treatment. The solicitor will write whatever he is paid to write so don't let that upset you. Tell him to take you to court. Stay strong.

LemonBreeland · 03/07/2020 09:03

No way. He should have them all at the same time, and not every weekend. A full weekend eow would be much more sensible.

NellieandRufus · 03/07/2020 09:03

What’s his reasoning? I think it’s quite unkind to the children. Okay for a one off for a specific reason but not as an ongoing arrangement.

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 09:07

So pleased to hear others agree!

He hasn't had them for six weeks and one of my children has ASD so tbh I don't even know if children will want to go back to staying there.

He is living in a one bedroom flat and using that as an excuse not to have the three of them at the same time. (He has always had them together for the past two years and it's never been a problem). His real reason is he doesn't want me to ever be child free.

The last time he had them over night he was texting me at 5am and when I ignored him he woke up one of my DC and brought home at 6:30am!

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 03/07/2020 10:53

So he's trying to control you through the DC. If he has previously had them all together then he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 11:33

He's had them all together before now. It is control. I actually feel so drained today. I am so sick of him and his stupid mind games

OP posts:
Sunnydayshereatlast · 03/07/2020 11:39

Judges hold sibling relationships in high regard.. I doubt one would agreed to his plan.
Beware of ever letting ex know your personal plans. My friend gave her ex way too much info. He would often drop dc home as she was leaving for a night out...
If ever it sounds like babysitting - remember it is babysitting from most men's pov..he won't be amicable. Obviously when he has plans you have to bow down and swap access arrangements....
Stay firm, get a proper court ordered arrangement and stick to it.
Find a babysitter who won't be let you down and get out and enjoy yourself!

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 11:49

@Sunnydayshereatlast thank you so much! I am feeling so low today. I blocked him on everything except email and now he's sending constant emails so I'll need to block him there too. It is just so draining and it's taking its toll. He is constantly trying to control me

OP posts:
IndieRo · 03/07/2020 12:01

No way, he needs to take them altogether.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 03/07/2020 12:04

Keep every email. Ask a solicitor to remind him contact is to be about dc only. Consider getting a basic phone and giving him that number.. Then block on your phone. He isn't entitled to have access to YOU 24/7. Check the new phone once a week.

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 19:41

@Sunnydayshereatlast thank you again! The idea about the phone is brilliant! I have blocked him on everything but email and yesterday/today he has started emailing his bullshit! I really am at the end of my tether with if all and think I'll invest in a cheap phone tomorrow x

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 19:41

@Sunnydayshereatlast thank you again! The idea about the phone is brilliant! I have blocked him on everything but email and yesterday/today he has started emailing his bullshit! I really am at the end of my tether with if all and think I'll invest in a cheap phone tomorrow x

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 03/07/2020 21:27

Set his emails to automatically go into a different folder so you only need to look at them occasionally.

carly2803 · 03/07/2020 21:27

as above OP

no judge will agree tosplitting up siblings.

every other weekend and tea in the week is reasonable. He soundslike he wont last though, so prepare to make other arrangements!

carly2803 · 03/07/2020 21:27

as above OP

no judge will agree tosplitting up siblings.

every other weekend and tea in the week is reasonable. He soundslike he wont last though, so prepare to make other arrangements!

GroovyGrove · 03/07/2020 21:33

Well tell him MEN ( nrp) have fought to have their dc's in one bed and shared flats so sweetie that won't work as a reason.

Contact is about the dc or about him?
They could feel uncomfortable with being separated like that regularly.

If it's about him, as he doesn't have enough space well YOU want a whole night off, so you could easily say that too.
How often do you get a break?... all parents need respite even if as single parent we don't get it but this set up is just wrong

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 21:39

He seems to think contact is about him and what he wants rather than to benefit the children or nurture his relationship with them. I have no family around me and have no support whatsoever which he obviously knows. I never get a night off and at the minute don't get a single minute off. I absolutely adore my children but a night off would be good. He seems to think of himself as a babysitter doing me a favour rather than a father doing his parental duty though.

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 21:40

I'm not even sure my DC will want to see him tbh. They have blocked him on their phones just now due to his behaviour so not sure if he puts something in place if it will be what they want.

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 21:40

I'm not even sure my DC will want to see him tbh. They have blocked him on their phones just now due to his behaviour so not sure if he puts something in place if it will be what they want.

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/07/2020 21:41

I'm not even sure my DC will want to see him tbh. They have blocked him on their phones just now due to his behaviour so not sure if he puts something in place if it will be what they want.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 06/07/2020 19:34

How old are your children ?

The older ones opinions will be listened to . What was the arran pre lockdown?

Also feel free to not answer anything in email. You don’t need to reply to unreasonable questions .

Also never answer an email immediately

Original poster
clpsmum · 08/07/2020 00:49

@Starlightstarbright1 thank you. They are 14,11,9

I'm getting so worn down with it all tbh. I blocked him everyday I could and he's now emailing trying to make me feel guilty.

I'm trying hard just to ignore emails

OP posts:
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