When should maintenance payment start?

[Chez2306]

Basically ex and I are trying to do it amicably rather than CMS but I'd like to know when it should start? Does it start the day baby is born or does the baby need to be a certain age first?

Thanks all!

Day baby is born.

They do cost money right from the beginning. Maybe not for food but clothes, equipment, electricity, rent etc.

Ps even if you are trying to be amicable please check what the cms rate is and remember that is considered the minimum. Don’t accept less

Not quite the day baby is born. It starts from when cams receive your claim. To do that you need the birth certificate.

Cms not cams.

Why would you wait until the baby is born? Surely most of the expense of a baby starts before they arrive. Wouldn’t ex want to contribute to all the things the baby will need. Clothes, cot, nappies etc

Sorry just registered you are trying to do things amicably. Make sure that you have an agreed annual date to review his salary and any additional and unusual costs you have incurred. Ask for proper documents, pay slips and P60.

What is your rapport like with your ex? Can you communicate well?
Not a lot of ex’s could be trusted to pay month in month out with out CMS involved.

I would keep track of what are 'payments' and what are gifts.

If ex buys a toy or pays for lunch that isn't contributing. However, if he buys her a bunch of outfits then maybe that is, and it's something you need to decide before hand.

Otherwise you can get on great and things will be going well but there will be a misunderstanding where he says he paid the money in full and you assumed something was a gift or was obviously not part of the payment and then you're both at loggerheads.

We are absolutely not amicable in the slightest, he hasn't contributed to any of the baby's things but now I have a week until my C section and since I've been diagnosed with a benign brain tumour he now wants to know.

I just don't know how to go around this in a smart way, I'm all over the shop in my head with appointments, surgery's and the baby that I'm not sure what action I need to take with my ex, even in terms of putting him on the birth certificate etc

People on here will tell you not to put him on the birth certificate... but morally if you know he is the father he should be on the certificate. He can put himself on there legally later if he has to, but at that point you burn any bridges and make things difficult for your DC to have that relationship from the very start.

There are pros and cons to putting him on the BC. If he is vindictive/abusive/controlling, or likely to cause trouble while you are recovering from the birth, leave him off. Birth is difficult enough.
He can apply to be added but being able to avoid aggression during the first month or two is very valuable.

If he is a calm decent person who won’t make your life a misery with threats etc, I’d add him anyway. You can still use your surname.
You can’t register him as the father if you aren’t married. He needs to be present to sign. Will your ex show up, support you and behave decently?

@Mintjulia he makes out to everyone likes he's sweet as pie but he's really not, he's spiteful and a liar.

I've just no idea what to do!

If he’s spiteful and a liar it might be best to go through CMS.

Is he self employed or PAYE?

@timetest he's in the army full time

In that case I would use CMS. Lots of nrps start off by saying they will have a voluntary agreement then default if an unexpected expense crops up. CMS will chase on your behalf. (They are useless at getting self employed nrps to pay anything at all though.)

Using the cms doesn't have to be seen as a hostile move. My ex saw it as me 'threatening' him with it when we disagreed when really it was more a way to simply depersonalise the whole thing. You could (if you trust him to give you honest figures) just use the online calculator but given what you've said I'd set it up ASAP but stress to him that it isn't a hostile act, just putting it on an official footing and if he's doing what he should do there's nothing to worry about.

@Rainbowqueeen

Ps even if you are trying to be amicable please check what the cms rate is and remember that is considered the minimum. Don’t accept less

How do you check what the CMS rate is?

I’m newly researching into this while pregnant and if I will need to go down this route.

Also does the biological father need to be on the birth certificate from birth to apply for CMS if he decides he doesn’t want to be involved at all?

No way would I put him on the birth certificate. The cms will only count money due from when you register. It's important you register.

You need to apply for child benefit to receive a claim (well you did when i worked there 5 years ago) they also wont take on a claim until the baby is actually born

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time whilst you are pregnant! Try to stay calm and enjoy this time!

My ex left me mid-pregnancy and it honestly nearly broke me. I went through all the questions of what the right thing to do is. The birth certificate is the babies not your nor his and it wouldn't take much for him to be added

Know the boundaries and try (it's so hard) to be amicable (play the game) basically you want him to do the right thing by following your lead and what you are comfortable with for now x