Normal or PND?

[MamaLion1319]

I am a lone parent to DD (7 months), have ongoing custody issues with DS7. I grew up in care and have no reasonable contact with family. 0 contact with DC dads, DDs father lives 2 doors down and is useless. Most of my close friends live some distance away and have their own children/lack of support.
DD thinks sleep is for muggles, and whilst I have my own sleep issues due to stress, some times I'm completely unfazed by the lack of sleep and contact with other adult human beings. I can be so happy and grateful and enjoy every single moment of the day. Other times I'm so exhausted, struggle to be productive and can sometimes feel completely overwhelmed and emotional. Due to current issues I'm aware I've got a lot of chronic stress and pent up emotions anyway. But sometimes when I have a bad day I get scared I've got PND. I suffered badly with my DS which went unnoticed and misdiagnosed and eventually untreated until I broke down completely. This is my worst fear, so I'm aware I overanalyse everything in case I get it again.
I went on a walk with one friend who is in our hometown today and also went to sit in another's garden (first time I've seen anyone since pre lockdown) and just broke down in tears, not wanting to go home, feeling hopeless. The last time I had any help with DD was the day after she was born my friend watched her whilst I took the worlds quickest shower. As much as I need a break, even if I had someone to help, i couldn't bear to be away from her for a single minute.
I get with the virus and being stuck in we haven't been able to do any baby groups etc too so that must have an impact. But is it normal to sometimes feel so exhausted and lonely occasionally or should I be looking at medical advice?
Please excuse my poor grammar, I'm aware I may not make much sense. DC are often my only source of conversation!

Whilst it not unusual to feel exhausted and lonely sometimes, these aren’t usual times. Given that you suffered PND previously & it was undiagnosed for so long, it’s not surprising you are concerned. With this in mind I feel you should phone the GP for a chat, you may feel reassured just speaking to them but, if you do end up feeling worse some time later and phone again, at least it will have already been noted so they will know that more attention may be needed rather than a few reassuring words and email addresses.
I’m glad you told your friend. Having no support is hard, you are doing pretty amazingly. I hope things feel easier soon for you

Thank you for your reply @MrsMcCarthysFamousScones
I am a little wary of calling the doctors as a care leaver their first instinct is always to call SS. I actually work in SC but due to experience with DS I am still very scarred by it. Luckily I have a very good GP now.
We are due to move 90 miles away in a few weeks, my plan was to see how I go until we're all moved and settled in with one less thing to worry about and then take steps if I need to. But I guess calling and speaking to a GP who knows me and my history is probably wiser.

God op that story about not getting help with dd since one quick shower post birth is really heartbreaking. It sounds to me that you, like many mothers, are isolated, sleep deprived, extremely lonely and under lots of pent up stress.
Plus coronavirus so that's a huge extra load.
7 months old... So, so tiring. I know I was a zombie with my children when they were that old and I have a supportive partner.

So it could be pnd but the way you feel is also an extremely normal and appropriate response to everything you're carrying.

Thanks for your reply @zerocraic that's really good to know.
Having not had a normal experience with DS, I have no idea what a "normal" mum thinks/feels and no mother of my own to be reassured! I'm very used to dealing with stress, although had a crazy ability to get on with things no matter what. That was when I was working full time and had somewhat of a small social life and just one DC.
I'm going to be pushing myself to address my fears of being away from DD, as my ML is up in September and maybe going back to work even if PT will make me feel a bit better.