Lone Working Parents ... feeling sad

[NameChanger1486]

Hey

I've also posted in employment issues but thought I'd post here too due to my situation.

I've name changed for this but I'm pretty upset. I feel like I am an inconvenience to my employer because he doesn't get single parenting. I always have the whole 5 years I've worked there.

For me its total lone parenting. I have no help at all from my child's Dad. So everything falls on my shoulders. My child will always be my priority however, I take my job seriously and never take advantage and always make time back, even my childs medical appointments and sickness. No other staff does this. But its never enough! It always gets overlooked when my boss throws a tantrum about my situation and he only sees the time I need to take for my child and never all the work I do to make the time up.

I'm not saying its right or fair but what am I meant to do? I have parent's who both work. I work my child's school hours which was agreed as when I worked more what I was paying for wraparound care which was leaving me with less money each month than working a few less hours. Over his life he has had many medical appointments and a few operations all of which i only took the operation day off for (my mom didn't work at the time so was able to care for him post op) and the time for his appointments. But I have needed the time off work. How can i not go to my childs appointments/operations.Heis now undergoing ASD assessments which will mean more time off over the next few years. Everything to to do with my child is frowned upon and it really upsets me as the vast majority of things to do with him I need to be there for. He is 5 so of course I do.

I totally understand from a business point of view but it makes me feel shit. I do a fantastic job and my boss is constantly receiving praise regarding my service to our customers. But I have a duty to my child as his Mom and he is my priority. I have no shared care and I was employed with this being the case. I never chose to be on my own all my childs life but its the ways its been. But my boss seems to think that if I meet someone everything will start being 'shared' but this wouldn't be the case (at least for a long time) because my child is my responsibility, not a new potential partners!

Sorry for the rant. Maybe I'm being oversensitive but I hate feeling like I am inconvenience for being a single parent

How do other parents manage?

Sorry you are going through this. I can kind of relate because I know I can't even work because of these kind of things and I'm alone with baby too. Dad disappeared and my family take no interest. I think you should find a new job because there will be other employers out there who will sympathise. Don't let one selfish person taint your perception of the world in general.

i'm self employed, which is good because it's flexible. is there anything you can do from home? at your own pace e.g. self employed? It's not a walk in the park by any means but much easier to set your own terms.

It has made me worry though that most employers will be like this. My one friends employer gives her no flexibility at all. I am lucky in that sense, but i am made to feel like a burden. Its always allowed 'because he has no other choice' but it feels horrible when the comments are made.

I was saying I need to be self employed but I wouldn't have a clue what doing.

The whole thing makes me really mad as I work bloody hard. I do a damn good job. When I am on AL I get contacted about work things as others don't have a clue (despite making commission off the work i do). However i will never be a valued part of the team, at least whilst my child is dependent on me

don't be silly, a lot of employers are very understanding! you need to find one that is! You're being very negative, if you have that attitude you won't get a lot of success, you need to be positive. You can do it!

I think its because I've had 5 years of feeling this way. But I shut up about it because it fits around my child for most of the time. But it does upset me. I need to change it

It isnt easy to change those feelings especially if they've been a long time reinforced by peoples behaviours around you. I'm going through a similar change myself.
But you will get there just put yourself out there and put the word out to everyone you know that you're looking for a new job and speak to children's centres about possibly vacancies or anything family related- look for family run shops etc, farm work. Anything new that you might enjoy and that you know would be run by people who understand the importance of family. Stay away from offices and huge corporations. The childrens centre might even have a lead for you or anyone you ask. Write a list down of the all ideas you can think of and it will help you to feel more optimistic. Also write down a list of all the good people you know and good people in yours and your son's life- even if it is just the lady who smiles at you on the way somewhere. It will help you feel better and be able to make a change. It all starts inside and when you feel better you are able to make positive steps.

Op, your employer keeps you on because he knows you do a good job.

Ignore any snide comments. They will be his way of making sure you don’t take the Mick, or making sure your colleagues know he isn’t indulging you.

It’s annoying though. My boss does the same.

Thank you.

I know he knows I do a good job, but annoying very rarely acknowledges all the compliments he receives about me. Not that it will change how I work but it would still be nice for him to make me aware personally.

I used to get really upset over how he treated me. Then I started to just accept it as at the end of the day I was still able to work around my child. But then the comments started, and it became clear i was seen as an inconvenience and an annoyance to the business, so I started getting annoyed but I still kept my mouth shut (sometimes it took alot because he can really bite) because ultimately I still worked around my child.

But its hard. I'm a sensitive person deep down and I dont like feeling like I am a bad person or bad employee. Being a mom will always come first but I take being an employee important too. I never feel I am taking the piss. Everything I propose is so everyone gets the best out of me. My job will never come before my child and I think that's the case for the vast majority of parents. But alot of the time I feel sick to the stomach how I can tell him I need time for this or that. He will say its fine but when it comes aroind apparently I am taking the piss out of him.

I will just stay quiet.