Just need to let it all out sorry if its depressing :(

[TheWiltedRose]

I have 2 ds ages 1 and nearly 3 and they have different dads. They had different dads and neither have seeh them since they were 3 months old so i have been a lone parent on and off for 3 years.

I was a young mum, became pregnant at 16 had eldest at 17 and so wasnt to surprised when the relationship failed and partner cheaated on me and had a daughter a couple of months after son was born.

Was homelesss for a while then moved back with my mum until my ds1 was 6 months old when i met the father of ds2 who i moved in with we split up when i was 6 months pregnant and then i was evicted because i couldnt pay the rent fortunately i managed to get a council place six weeks before ds2 was born.

In december i met my xp and he moved in with me up until about weeks ago when he decided that it was all to much to deal with and he wanted to be free free and single so i have ended up on my own again with 2 nd a half grand debt, 2 kids and a shattered self confidence.

I must have a sign stuck to me saying "take advantage" as this is the 3rd failed relationship i have had in the past 3 years and i just dont know what to do now, im still so upset over my recent split and just cant see myself picking everything up all over again its to much...

Does it ever get better?

feel free to yell at me over that lol but i was actually a bit drunk that evening as id been out all day going past all the places me and my x used to go to and it all got to me.

My main problem is that i actually dont have any good friends because al the people i no are people i have gone out with to pubs and clubs and dont see during the daytime as they have jobs or just dont want to hang around kids

I'd do what hellish suggested and look at education as a starting point. It will give you an incentive and introduce you to a whole new circle of friends. Good luck x

i was supposed to be going to college this month id been excepted and everything but then my x moved in and i came off benefits so i had to give it up to look for work instead so i shall have to wait til next september before i can sort everything out for it then but i do intend to do a cours ei just dont no what anymore i dont really have a talent

I bet you're much more able than you give yourself credit for. It's taken me a long, long time to say that about myself - so please start beleiving in yourself NOW amd don't waste time in being negative. It's not worth the effort - I promise you!!!

thank you :-) I guess i am a bit of a moaner lol just needed to get it all out before i exploded youve all been very nice

BTW you don't have to wait till September. Talk to someone at your local college. I'm sure you could enrol now, no problem at all.

i have to say I think that is a brilliant idea; they may have an on-site Nursery or Creche for the kids.

And also, please don't think of it as dodging them meeting the kids so as not to scare them off. It's not about THEM, it's about YOU having some fun and dating now and again, as a seperate person from the family. YOU might end up deciding that YOU don't want them around - who cares about them being scared off or not; you need to give yourself that time to check whether they are good enough for you.

One of the best ways of getting self esteem is to get some adult education; it's great to take part in a disucssion and have your views valued.

good, lots of people have given you advice. I agree about needing to like yourself. I split from my exH and then had a couple of serious relationships, but they all ended in tears (though this was pre-kids). It was only after a year of living on my own and realising I was stronger than I thought that I became really happy. Then I met DH!

Best of luck and stay strong x

how long have you known these guys before you move them in?

with all due respect, if it isnt long, these boys are getting sex on tap and a roof over their heads, until they get bored, because you are lonely

that isnt going to do you or your kids any good in your head

and if it is only company you want, because you get lonely, why not get a dog? they would be a lot more reliable

honestly, as others have said you need some more self esteem, but jumping headlong from one dodgy guy to another will only do the opposite

Lol @ dogs being more reliable! Lou has a point there though!

hey there lovely. I read your post and firstly i wanted to say how sorry i am that you feel so bad. I agree wholeheartedly with the other girls about building a life revolving around men but i feel i need to say that perhaps taking things very very slowly in the future will enable you to protect yourself and your children more effectively. Personally had i met a man in december i would be letting him move in in december this year with strict rules on bill sharing etc. It is so lonely as a young signgle parent (working out the sums i am probably about two years older then you) but you cant bring someone that into your kids lives without first being sure that you want them to have influence and responsibility for them. Being a lone parent can be great, if oyu can focus on just being that for a while. Go to college, go to mums groups, have long baths when they go to bed and learn how to be an independent yummy mummy. Once you have acheived that no man will ever be able to walk over you again. Talk to the cab about your debt issues and see a lone parent advisor to look at training etc to give you a sense of pride and self worth in yourself. I dont mean to sound like i am lecturing i genuinly feel for you but i cant stress enough how much more to this life there is then relationships and i really hope you can build a fantastic life and then one day meet a man who loves and respects you as the strong and competent woman you can be if you let yourself!!

thank you prettyfly i agreee with what everyone had said and im definately going to concentrate on me and my boys from now on!

Im going to ring the job center today and book an appointment ith my lone parent advosor and see about getting some kind of training so i can have a social life outside of the house where i admit i have become a kind of hermit!

Im not going to activly search outa partner from no on but if i meet one im going to take it slowly and be very sure before i get serious with him and certainly have at least a year of dating before ill ever consider them moving in with me prehaps 2 years or more if i get an independent life of my own where i enjoy my on company!

Thank you for all your comments its lovely to see that people who have been where i am have picked themselves up and gone on to enjoy being a single mum!

And im going to concentrate on my imgae too and certainly become that Yummy Mummy

Good for you girl - Go for it - check back in and let us know how you get on!!!

Loads of really good advice here. I was thinking back to when I was young (nearly 40 now ) and I remember how impatient I was and desperate for just something exciting to happen, parties, pubs, clubs, men - actually, no they were boys then. Slowly going about building an independent life for myself, education, etc., seemed a bit boring and sensible then but real and lasting self-fulfilment and happiness requires strong foundations and these take time to build. The same is true for relationships.

40 is not old!!!

It is when you are 20!

that is the wrong answer!!!!

Sorry Lou . Of course it only applies to mere mortals such as myself. You are in the goddess category so it doesn't apply.

blimey stoppit am wrinkled old prune irl

Yeah, I know. I was just trying to boost your ego. Us 40-year-olds can look quite good of an evening in the glow of a low watt light bulb.

i think i discovered that about 10 yrs ago lol