10yr old wants to move in with abusive ex

[Lulu44]

Sorry this might be a long one.
My kids dad currently lives 20 minutes drive away but is moving to a different county which is a 3 hour drive away. I have residency and a child arrangement order and am happy to keep up alternate weekend and school holiday contact.
I've noticed an increase in 'treats' over the last month or so, ipads, games consoles and smaller knick knacks bought whenever my kids ask for something. Then came the news that my ex is moving shortly. He's asked both kids to move in with him, (10 and 12), eldest has said no, youngest has said yes.
Imo youngest doesn't fully grasp the reality of moving to a completely new area, away from all her friends and family, but instead is lured by the 'greener grass' in the form of new bedroom, toys, clothes and whatever pets she wants. There's even been mention of a luxury holiday.
I left my ex due to dv and he continues to be controlling and regularly uses manipulation and emotional abuse on the kids, and also on me if given the chance. My concern lies with how vulnerable dd will be living with him hundreds of miles away. I honestly believe if she moved in with him but she changes her mind however far down the line that he won't let her move back.
He's recently been breaching the arrangement order, bringing the kids back hours later then he's supposed to so even prior to the move I'm worried he will take them and not return them. I have no idea what area he's moving to.

Is there anything I can do about this?

It depends what you mean.

Obviously you don't just have to let it happen without going through court. You can definitely just say no, but if he takes it through family court and the accommodation is safe and kid expressed they want to live with him then i'm not really sure. It's definitely the type of thing you can only get reliable advise from a lawyer for.

It really comes down to how much proof you have that he's abusive. The family court system has so many lies and groundless accusations thrown around that they can't just take your word for it.

If not then it comes down to whether or not the move would genuinely disadvantage her. I don't even know how you would go about showing this though.

Here's the thing you have to keep in mind, if your ex was a perfect parent you would still not want your child to move in with him and you would still worry. It's a natural reaction.

He also doesn't need to tell you where he's moving, as annoying as that is.

I wish you the best though, if this is a recent conversation I recommend giving it a few days and seeing if she still feels that way. It might just be a passing fancy at the moment.

You could get a prohibitive steps order to prevent them being removed to live with him? That they need to remain at schools within the current local vicinity.

Definitely seek legal advice about doing this and his ignoring of the current CAO - is it worth clamping down on that now?

perhaps see a lawyer, but unless there is some legal reason why he shouldn't, it's up to your dd and/or the courts.

Definitely get a Prohibited Steps Order. I
Also hate to say it be he could be alienating them - look up Parental Alienation. Very typical in DV cases, narcissistic ex uses kids. Breach of contact order and buying lavish presents is key He will likely have been preparing them for this. Go to court for enforcement and PSO before it gets out of hand.

Courts hold sibling relationships in high regard. What would happen between contact of the siblings?
Is Cms a factor maybe? He wants to not pay you any..

Thank you for your replies. One of my main concerns is my lack of proof regarding the manipulation and emotional abuse, the same problem I had when I first got the court order. Fortunately for me that time his true colours came out enough for the judge to take a bit of notice but I can't guarantee he'll make that mistake again.

When dd first said she wanted to live with him she had not long returned from their weekend with him but now she's spent a couple of days with me she's more on the fence about moving. I'm not trying to sway her decision either way as I don't want to push her away or cause resentment, but I've noticed (as well as my mum) slight changes in her behavior and attitude which is further leading me to think there's persuasion coming from her dad.

I've contacted a mediator but I'm not sure if it's a mediator or solicitor I should be speaking to.

I can't work out how contact would work with both children under different homes, especially with the distance. We couldn't swap over every other weekend because what about the girls contact with each other?

I would apply for a prohibitive steps order ASAP so it doesn't happens by him saying she doesn't want to come back and keeping her with him.

You he is manipulative and abusive so I would fight it in he courts and ensure CAFCASS was involved! You know he is bad news, your older DD sees through him so you need to protect the younger one until she is old enough to see it for herself.

You could offer 50:50 in school holidays if he doesn't already have it. I suspect his motivation is to no longer have to pay maintenance and punish you.