Kicking hitting biting

[purpleme12]

My child is 6
Has started kicking and biting and hitting me
I can't cope
I'm so sad because it didn't used to be like this at all and I feel like I'm a punchbag for her
Please can anyone help what worked for them cos I love her but I can never condone this behaviour this is too much

Kids are struggling with lockdown...this could be the reason.
Are you spending quality time together? Like playing together or watching a film etc? Sometimes this behaviour is a cry for attention. My DS can get a bit antsy like that if I am on my laptop or my phone and can begin to act out.

Yes I'm sure it is cos of lockdown

Less time than usual because of working from home. She's gone back to school mainly because of the behavioural issues.
I just feel like it's so extreme what she's doing. And it's so unbelievably hard and upsetting.

I could have burst into tears today. She was doing it when we were out. Someone said stop arguing - he was having a go. (She was trying to physically stop me from paying I was having to do that while she was pulling me to stop me and biting me while not reacting to her to make it worse).

I'll spend time after school playing tomorrow. I'm so scared now it'll happen again

Awk love! It's so hard, isn't it?
Just try and remain calm...harder than it sounds, I know! Have a look at this article...lovebombing has really helped me to reconnect with my wee one, separate him from his behaviour and generally rebuild our relationship.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

Thank you I will have a look at this

:( must be so so hard, please don’t lose your patience, don’t hit back either unfortunately we still have to lead and educate by example, be consistent with appropriate punishment.

She needs to learn from you that the right thing to do is to stand up for yourself. When my small person was kicking off at the beginning of lockdown I said very firmly “ I don’t hit you and you don’t hit me” “and I am your mummy and I work hard for you and I don’t deserve you to treat me like this” calm and off to the corner and requested an apology when it seemed tempers calmed down. It did work for me.

Good luck, cheer up and this just happens pet of being parent x

What kind of things prevoke an attack?

it might be a timetable when she knows she gets your attention may help..

My own DS had a violent phase at this age in the end I figured out it was when he was in trouble- it stopped when although i had to restrain him if it wasn't safe i ignored it but carried ondealing with what he was in trouble with.

I have also felt at times we had power battles and actually we had to step out reconnect and although not necessairly possible at the moment but a day out at the theme park where he could essentially decide what rides etc helped.

It could also though bbe anxieties at this age- checking if she has worries?

Does she see her Dad? how does she behave there? how has she been at school?

Thank you for replies

She hasn't stayed over at her dad's for ages which I'm guessing is contributing towards it all. She'd never say though.
She's ok at school but then I knew she would be

It's when I give a consequence she doesn't like or basically when I say something she doesn't like /want to do
But she didn't used to be like this you see

Today was marginally better. I stayed really calm on purpose. She started doing the opposite when I'd said bedtime (I'd given a warning) I stayed calm and said right at have to go upstairs now are you going to go or do I have to take you (she's very stubborn she'll never go herself)

I did manage to stay in the room with her (she was flailing but not hitting me) which I think helped in a way.

We stayed a while with her trying to persuade me to her way I kept firm. She let me her herself dressed. Put her to bed in the end.

Then later I realised she had a dummy for her dolly in her mouth so I had to take it off her. Stayed calm again on purpose but she wasn't happy about that and kicked off again, came to the door, if I hadn't forced it shut she would have kicked and hit and bit again I think.

Yesterday was absolutely awful.

I'm so angry at the whole situation that's made her like this

She doesn't have the ability to say ehat s the real issue
She hadn't seen her dad
When will she? Did she usually see him?
She s picking up on lockdown stress
She hadnt had school
So much to deal with

Shd s communicating something

Stay calm
As possible said say calmly we dont hit
"How to talk so kids will listen" has some good ideas
Talk to her school as well
Why won't she talk about her dad to you?

She will talk about her dad to me I just mean that she never says she has any worries or is upset really. I think perhaps she doesn't know, at least not about what's making her like this anyway

I will have a look at buying that book

Thank you I know she's probably picked up on stress as well as everything else. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. It scares me that she's like this at 6 what if she's like this when she's older

I have a stubborn child - it’s hard but he is 13 now..

We did thinks like a race to get dressed/ into pj’s , world records , - stubborn children it is very easy to get in a battle of wills .if you can get ready for bed before I .... we will have time for 2 stories.

I say this as someone who has learnt demands , raising my voice never work , that doesn’t mean bi never do but save it.

It may be worth asking if she has any worries - she is young to verbalise them but even if she can’t she might off loaf a few of the less deep ones

I might have to try the race into pyjamas again
It's just mentally exhausting.

I know kids are struggling at the moment but this is a red line for me and I have always Immediately conveyed to them how unacceptable it is to even think about hitting, biting or kicking me. I use a very stern tone of voice saved only for very serious occasions and get right down to their level to tell them that they MUST NOT hit/bite/kick me ever. I then put them in time out but it’s been an extremely long time since I’ve had to remind any of my DC about this rule because I made it clear from the start that they just can’t do it, no matter what the circumstances or how angry they might be feeling. Be stern and consistent otherwise it could carry on as they get bigger and stronger.

Ok I will carry on putting her in the bedroom when she does it

What do you do when she's rude? I mean if they call you nasty names?

I'm trying not to worry

Purple I think you did really well staying calm, it does take a little time for them to curb their behaviour, we hit the worst ever behaviour patch about 4 weeks into lockdown, really the worst ever. (Hitting kicking punching). At 6 they don’t yet have a mature nervous system to cope with stress and as they can not yet express their feelings with precision the little ones just boil over.

It just takes a little time for them to learn to self regulate and not hit etc, for us the timeout works but now usually just a warning will help diffuse the bad behaviour. (It has taken a little while it didn’t happen overnight)

Worth mentioning that when they go through periods of not eating well or sleeping well or getting some physical outlet (for us a walk around the park or the common is good enough) it can make outbursts worse.

Good luck

Kids won't answer "yes I have worries"
But
You can use techniques like sit Nd draw together
Let s draw our favourite meal /house/holiday
.who would be there? What would we do? What about dad?
Let sxpretend we can plan a best day ever when the virus is gone.. what would you do?
Let her role play a school lesson with teddies.
Draw a family tree.
Draw a friends circle who goes in the closest circle.
Write three things you love about each other.
These may show her thoughts or feelings and what she worries about
Draw a self portrait from before the virus duringlockdown and after
You need to let her talk but less directly

Thank you

Will write all these things down

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm doing the right thing with this whole parenting lark

Of course you are doing fine.
Just remember all behaviour is communication
You need to check behaviours but try and see what is being communicated
Why is she lashing out

Do behaviour was bad when I left ex some copied learned ..I had to try znd listen..they also had counselling. Therapists use techniques like drawing to tease out what the worries are.