I hate being a mum

[xanadu27]

just thinking this makes me feel like the worst human / mother on the planet, but I hate being a mum. I love my son to the moon and back but there are days when I just think I can't do this, I don't want to do this.
he is amazing and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful boy, I know that
motherhood is hard, single parenting is lonely and scary and stressful.
he smiles at me or tells me he loves me and I melt but I still have this overwhelming feeling that I'm not good enough, I need to try harder and that I need to dig myself out of this self loathing hole.

does anyone else just feel so helplessly lonely and stressed and like motherhood just sucks?
I feel so guilty which makes me hate myself more I just don't know what to do.

It is very difficult. You love him & care for him so you are a good Mum. Don't be too hard on yourself & find someone in real life that you can talk to about how you feel. If not family or friends, then a GP or cpunsellor if you think it might help. Maybe if other areas of your life are difficult also, it can all be a bit overwhelming. You need some support to help you through. We all have bad days & rough patches, parenting is hard. I hope you find a shoulder to lean on & the support you need.

How old is your son @xanadu27

I have been a single parent nearly all of my sons life. He will be turning 6 soon. His Dad chose to have no contact whatsoever since 2015, so it's just been my and my son.

The first year of his life I hated being a mom. But I wasn't on my own really as his dad was around, though very irregular, but made my life hell and made me believe I was the worst mom ever. I wasn't but he was a very nasty, manipulative narcissist, so I thought I was the route of all problems. I was so depressed and I am sometimes ashamed to admit I hated being a mom but I did. I absolutely idolised my son. I loved him beyond anything I could ever imagine. But I wasn't in a good place.

Do you have other things affecting your thoughts?

You say you love your son. He sounds very loving towards you which would tell me you are doing an incredible job. My son is very loving. He always tells me he loves me, that I'm beautiful, that I'm his best friend etc. I have periods of depression and alot of anxiety which I struggle to hide but he never fails to show me love and lift my spirits. He makes me feel a good mom/person.

I had to seek help via the GP with medication and counselling. I am no longer taking my medication as I had severe withdrawals, however I was on on it for years. But it did help me just balance my feelings out.

Please seek help? Even just to talk to someone? I remember reading a thread on here a few years ago and I hoped it was a joke, albeit a sick one. The lady hated her child. And I mean absolutely hated him. It broke my heart to read.
You on the other hand clearly recognise how much you love your child and that is so so important. Is it more your situation that is making you feel this way? Are you saying you hate being a mom because that's all you feel you are at the moment?

Single parenting is so lonely so I understand how hard that is. Lockdown has highlighted just how lonely I am. I've cried many tears just from feeling so low.

Please feel free to PM if you need to vent or just talk xx

How old is your child OP? Do you have n friends with children? How long have you felt like this for?.

All mums have bad days where you think you can’t do it and you absolutely can do it OP and sure your doing a wonderful job. Although when you have a little to no support network it is very hard but take day by day. I know now is not the best time.

I feel like this too sometimes. It's completely normal. I've just started reading a book called 'torn in two: the experience of maternal ambivalence' written by a psychoanalyst. It is really helping me to feel more normal about both loving and hating my child, and that it's actually very healthy. I'd recommend it!

I totally understand how you feel. Not sure what advice I can give other than be kind to yourself, our inner voice is often alot harsher than the reality. I am obsessed with mt child but I too often feel the same say I'd say it's normal but not many are willing to be honest about it x