I've been separated for just over a year. Hoping to sort out finances by year end and be able to get my own place as I'm currently renting. I have a 16 month old and a 5 year old.
I live in London have family about an hour away in a rural area sibling with a partner and 2 kids who I have a good relationship with then a mother and stepfather who are in same area but an ok relationship with but they are a bit unsettled themselves but good with the grandkids.
Problem is I don't particularly like the area. I grew up there and find it quiet and not really me. Example you need a car to go everywhere. I do have a couple of old friends there.
I do like where i live but it's very close to my ex. I don't have a lot of friends here as people moved away and it's expensive also. I also have a very up/down relationship with my ex partner. He does have the kids a couple of times a week. The eldest two nights one day the baby one night one day.
I'm struggling coming to terms that I won't have the family unit I crave for my kids although I ended the relationship as it wasn't healthy and I wanted to demonstrate a healthy example for my kids.
I suppose during lockdown and this Past year I'm working out what to do for the future. Where would be best to being my kids up. Go back to an area I don't particularly like and miss the buzz of an urban life but have family around but then would I feel trapped anyway like I'm going backwards as I felt trapped in my marriage.
Or do I go somewhere completely new by the coast and be brave but be completely alone and start again from scratch? But I worry that's if feel even more isolated. Or Somewhere closer to my family but not quite where they are. I am independent by nature but I wonder if my kids are missing out by not having family nearby. Cousins etc and whether I just suck it up and live somewhere I don't like for them to have those relationships.
I've been in the current area about 10 years and do like it but feel I may be too close to my ex. I need the help from him at the moment with childcare although I do bulk of it and do cherish the little time I have alone to recuperate but he does sadly play with my emotions and I wonder if distance would be beneficial.
I feel so lonely at the moment anyway and it's part of grieving the breakdown of my marriage and probably from my past also. Moved around a lot though my life. I don't really have a relationship with any extended family due to my mother. I do make friends easily enough and I'm normally quite an upbeat person but I don't want to mess the next move up for my kids. I want them to have a happy childhood and put down roots somewhere.
I know it's rambling but I wonder if anyone has been in the same boat and how did you decide where to go with you're kids? I feel as though it should be obvious where I go but it's just not at all.
Any advice?