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Help - court with abusive ex

12 replies

Herewegoagain19891 · 26/05/2020 18:21

So I was going to post in the legal section but I thought I would find more people who may have been through a similar situation as I on here.

Ex and I were together 6 years, he was extremely abusive emotionally. Pushed me into getting cosmetic surgery, stopped me from eating, told me I was worthless, threatened to push me down the stairs, sexually assaulted me the list goes on. After one of these assaults I become pregnant with my beautiful dd who is now 19 months. After he started being abusive to her (yelling, calling her a paki, little shit, threatening to hit her unless she shut up, wouldn't allow her to drink any liquids unless it was water even if she become dehydrated, wouldn't allow her to eat even if hungry for more food.. it goes on. Some of which I have documented on mumsnet and women's aid) I left him as I refused for her to live the life I had.

Now we are in court for access, obviously I'm saying only supervised access and he needs to sort out and rectify his issues. But the courts aren't even yet considering doing a section 7 report, I have given them 21 allegations, allegations which my ex says while they did happen are dramatised. So now dd is going to have some supervised session with exp and next month they want to discuss unsupervised accessshock. I have evidence and witness reports to his abusive behaviour, I have my threads on mumsnet from last year, ex saying these things happened and have reported it to ss so how can the courts not even think about doing an s7 or fact finding? Has anyone else had something similar happen to them ? I thought the court was there to do what's in the best interests of the child. Now I'm worried for my dd.

On top of that he is insisting with the courts that we coparent. In other words just wants to bully me further.

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Westonsupermarebeauty · 26/05/2020 18:52

Suggest you get in touch with women's aid. And rights of women. Google it. Good lu k.

Herewegoagain19891 · 26/05/2020 19:03

@westonsupermarebeauty, I already have. And made a police report which was then passed onto social services because of its nature.

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Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 05:56

Any advice anyone? Truly feel like the judge just isn't interested of what my concerns are. Ex has solicitors I on the other hand do not.

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Thamesis · 27/05/2020 12:36

Hi OP, what a crap situation, I'm so sorry. You really need legal representation and advice from somewhere like Women's Aid as mentioned above. Is there any reason you can't get a solicitor? You may be eligible for legal aid and therefore not have to pay.

MintyCedric · 27/05/2020 12:42

You could also try Rights of Women who specialise in the legal side of things and have family law specific helplines:
rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 13:33

Thank you pp, I am entitled to legal aid, I cannot afford to pay for representation.

Does anyone know how long legal aid can take? I have another hearing mid June and want to make sure I have representation this time even if it means having to pay for that one hearing.

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Westonsupermarebeauty · 27/05/2020 14:08

I'm not how far you've got with getting your proof of paperwork together to prove you are entitled to it. I. E income and benefits over the past year.

Herewegoagain19891 · 28/05/2020 17:47

Sorry @Westonsupermarebeauty only just seen this. Bank statements sent and women's aid just completing a letting to send to solicitor. The solicitors I'm going with have a 'contract' with legal aid so not sure if that helps.

So I found out the independent social worker they intend on using has a criminal record for fraud and has only come back to work after 6 months suspension. It really seems like no one cares about dds welfare apart from me.. I'm getting lots of support but now really need this legal representation as the judge just doesn't seem interested. In her words, regardless of what happened in your relationship this is about a father/daughter relationship.

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Herewegoagain19891 · 29/05/2020 22:50

First supervised session tomorrow, in one way I hope it goes well as it means dd is happy and I don't want her in distress.. on the other hand I need them to see he is abusive.

I know the social worker should be trained to spot his behaviour but because of her history she hasn't worked in 2 years. Kept up to date with her training but still.

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Thamesis · 30/05/2020 07:33

OP - can't give advice on your legal problems as I don't have relevant experience I'm afraid. But I think you might get more responses if you ask @MNHQ to move your thread to Divorce and Separation or Relationships.

MissMaple82 · 31/05/2020 20:31

You can get emergency legal aid, that's what I got and I got contribution based legal aid that actually only came through a few days before a hearing. You definitely need legal representation here so dont give up

Herewegoagain19891 · 31/05/2020 22:38

@MissMaple82, I found out I will too get emergency legal aid..the solicitor just needs one thing from women's aid. Certainly need legal representation.

They had their first session, dd when I went to pick her up was withdrawn until she saw me at which point she started kicking her legs. Seems like the whole time they had her in the pushchair and exp wasn't engaging with her at all, even when we arrived all he said to her was oh hi. Send her with food, nappies, change of clothes basically all she could need. Found out he gave her a pouch of food for a 7 month old (she is 19 months) so next week he said he'd bring fruit.

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