To not want to date.

[1Micem0use]

A relative who I'm very close to, and who is in her 70s, has made it very clear that she wants to see me married before she dies. I know it comes from a place of wanting the best for me, would bring her great happiness, and that part of it is a generational outlook.
However I had an abusive stepfather, and dont want to date until my child is atleast 16. I dont want anymore children, and am happy single. I'm well qualified, have a good CV, and have enough in savings for the next 2 years if I'm frugal, although I plan on getting a job next spring.

How do I help her to understand that this isn't what I want, without upsetting her?

I would just tell her straight that women are blessed with choice these days and that many prefer the single life. Men just ain't much to write home about for those who value their female independence. Single rocks.My cousin is that age group is in her seventies and disapproves of choice and independence and swings from judgemental to pitying. Her views are on a par with how women were perceived in the 1950's. Just let her know.

Thank you. That's really well put. Shes from an era that valued different things. I dont need a man to complete me; and I am really independent

Depending on your age op you will no doubt find that should you start looking once your child is age 16 that there is absolutely no talent left whatsoever anyway and that the best ones will be spoken for by the age of 40. I have gone very fussy in terms of the credentials I would expect. In fact probably unrealistically so. I do however relish my independence and there are so many advantages to remaining single I doubt I could ever get involved with a man again. It is just incredible how future people have 'seen the light' in terms of relationships!

I like to think I'm just young enough that I might get away with a toy boy in his 30s when my DC is 16 @PollyPelargonium52 like you said theres so many good things about being single, so I wont be lowering my standards or settling

The trouble is with the toyboys they are extremely immature. It would be like carrying a second child. You will soon go off the idea after a couple of dates!!

I would explain that you find it upsetting that they keep enforcing their wishes on you. I think your relative probably means well it’s like when people assume you should be married automatically because you have a child. It’s your life and as long as your happy that’s all that matters.

Don't worry about finding the perfect man, they are out there! I honestly thought I had no chance when my marriage imploded but I'm sitting here (supposedly wfh) next to my dp actually wfh) happier than I've ever been. Online dating works!

@okiedokieme I'm not worried about finding the perfect man. I dont want to find any man. Atleast not for the next 16 years. After that I'm open to the possibility

I would honestly just ignore her and get on with my life as I see fit. When she mentions it, make a jokey remark or change the subject.

@DDIJ it is annoying! Whether its being told you must stay single or you must find a man to marry. I think I'm going to have to find a way of addressing it.
@Paperchainpopp thank you
@pollyPelargonium52 If a man is immature in his 30s hes probably a lost cause lol

Good plan! If she wasnt an older relative that I love, I'd probably say something like the 1950s called and want their outlook back @blosstree