At the end of my tether

[babycornplease]

Literally at the end of my tether this evening.

Dd is 2.5, abusive absent father, I have zero help. All day she's been pushing my buttons, I am posting here so I don't completely lose the plot!!!

Trying to work full time from home at the same time, she won't nap, she won't listen, the only time she sits still is if I give her my phone. Now she is calling me 'mommy' and telling me about 'booboos' which is a clear indication that she's been on YouTube too much.

I am just sick of this. So so so sick of it. Her nursery isn't opening til July... we have only had each other for company for the last three months. Well apart from the dog as well, which is another issue.

I've spent a fortune on stuff to keep her amused, is she interested in any of it? Of course not.

I am so fed up of it. And I feel bad for her that I am taking out my frustration on her. But she keeps acting up and I am totally at a loss to figure out what to do. And it's only me. I can't keep doing good cop/bad cop.

I look like shit, I feel like shit. I've literally not had a second to myself since this lockdown started. I've put on loads of weight because I don't get any exercise AT ALL, unless it's at a toddler pace, housework has gone out of the window, I take her out every single day and try and wear her out. She's still going...

Argh!!!!!!! I am so angry that her father gets to blissfully live his life and no doubt is carrying on as normal. With not a care in the world. It's just so unfair!

I love the very bones of her, I do, it's just so so so bloody hard not getting even a second's break.

Thanks for listening to me rant!

When I say taking out my frustration on her. I mean, I have to leave the room for five mins or whatever.

Keep getting reminded of that scene in titanic when the ne'er do well says 'i am all she has left in the world'

Feeling so hopeless this evening.

Sending a hug,
This situation is shit.
Is there any way you can do your work when she's sleeping ?
Childminder's are opening, can you find one local to have her, give you both a break.

Thanks for your reply... and the hug.

The issue is she is ready to give up naps, and I've been trying to wear her out and force her to nap... she's not having any of it.

Plus I am a teacher so trying my hardest to sort everything out for my other 'kids'.

Argh she's still not asleep. I should be enjoying this extra time, right?!

Not one parent will judge you for tearing your hair out if she's awake after bedtime and has dropped naps!

Even without cv19 you're at a difficult stage of parenting- let alone in lockdown! Do what you need to do to get through it with your sanity and be easy on yourself

Thank you.

I am literally sitting on the kitchen floor. Not crying yet! She's still awake. We've done bedtime, story, etc. I've told her mummy is very tired. She's not having it.

I need a bath and to put yet another wash on. Potty training is so much fun. Not.

Is it bad that I am craving a g&t.... I don't normally drink, but this evening I just bloody want a drink!!!

This sounds so difficult OP. I don’t have any advice but think a G&T is in order! Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best in such trying circumstances.
Try and hold onto the fact things will get better, this is just one stage in time even though it is incredibly hard.

Can you go to bed with her for a bit, have a nap and get back up?

You are doing amazing!!! The fact you have hung on this long before getting this desperate - what a strong Mum you are.

Half term next week - can you take a proper break from work and give her devotes one to one in the hope that improves things?

Im feeling you. And it's the weird things like saying you don't get a second to your self.. Thats not actually true because you are searching for these minutes but it's a win loose scenario.. I can think to myself god everyone's quiet I've been in the kitchen on my phone or listen to music for 10 mins so ill have a bath, it's quiet right. But while I'm in the bath all hell breaks loose and I've got a 3 year old in the bathroom with me complaining about her brother, wanting snacks a drink or a bath. Her brother (13) complaining she's thrown his xbox remote or turned the plug of to his games and the moments gone the baths gone. You swill the conditioner out of your hair over the bath and go deal with the situation at hand.

Oh gosh. It's so fucking hard isn't it? Was actually pondering what would be worse- a toddler or a teenager, but looks like you have the best (worst?!) of both worlds!

Still at the end of my rope here this morning, got a mountain of washing to do, kiddo has been on screens for most of the morning...

I keep feeling envious of my friends who have partners. Not that I think I will ever venture into the dating world again, but because they have someone to flipping help. They all moan about them, but all I can think is 'at least you get some sort of break'!

Looked in the mirror this morning, and didn't recognise myself, I am a sad, fat lump with more wrinkles than I realised, more weight gain that I care to think about, until I try and put a pair of jeans on, and I just feel so bloody invisible. If that makes sense?

Can't do any exercise, except for at toddler pace, and just sooooo fed up!!!

Positive and negative. If you try hard enough you can get abit of Conversation from a 13 year old. I can also leave him in the car with 3 year old when I have to shop so less drama there, I imagine that's another big struggle. He's a really good big brother 70% of the time but then he gets dismissive of his sister and she finds that hard to understand when it happens.
He only needs guiding to a laptop and monitoring for school work 3 year old needs attention all the time.. My biggest complaint with my teenager is deafness (not medical) I broke my ankle a few months back so carrying the hoover up the stairs I struggle with. We made an agreement he would bring the hoover up and down I would hoover his room. But when I call him for the hoover to be bought down stairs I end up having to turn the electric of to get his attention after screaming like a crazy women that he doesn't hear. And then I get mad cos I have to reset everything and ivr been shouting and the neighbours must hear if he doesn't. So today we are having a tech free day I can't spent the whole day doing this and I am having a cleaning day today weather the kids like it or not. Because I to have a mountain of washing from cleaning up stairs which I didn't even think existed but now it's here and needs doing..
I've managed to maintain a happy lock down experience up until this point but I'm in week 10 of this and I'm question how much more I can take. My support is normally my mum but a few weeks before lock down started she had a accident and smashed her wrist, as we went into lock down she had the cast removed and wasn't able to support me so It feels a long time. but I did have school at least while my mum was injured and I could actually see her.

I don't envy those with partners as very few help. If you ask me men bring even more work to do for us and they bring too many things to put up with. I only have one ds mind.

Just read your post and aside from absolutely understanding your situation right now I feel like I just want to send you a big tight hug. Hang in there. Trust me some days I wake up and think ffs not again I just want to lie in and chill by myself and as much as I love my son this lockdown has been such a eye opener!!

Hi I think it’s the difficult time that we are in that clearly is not helping. Could you work less hours? Do your family live near by that could help you with childcare even for 1 day a week? You obviously need a break.