Lonely and depressed

[Popsyflopsy]

My newborns father is not in hers or my life and doesn't want to ever be I knew this from the start and went ahead with the pregnancy I truly didn't think it would bother me but it really is. I see happy families on social media, I try to tell myself that it's not like that behind closed doors but I find it all so heartbreaking, my baby smiled today for the first time and I was really happy but gutted I had nobody there to share it with and who felt as happy as I did about it or someone to share the load of night feeds and nappy changes. I know it means I just get twice the love from her but I still keep crying over it. Please someone tell me I'm not missing out on anything

I think this is totally normal tbh. I still feel this way now and mine are older. I think it’s one of the down sides of being a lone parent. I use to see happy couples baby shopping when I was pregnant and feel rubbish about my situation. It gets better and you won’t feel it as much when they get older but even now from time to time I feel sad that I have no one to share their achievements with.

Hi there

It’s difficult times now and it’s very tempting to compare ourselves as single parents to “happy families” I have gone through this and still do compare myself. This is not constructive and it doesn’t define your future remember that you could meet someone new in the future who will be suited to you and your baby much better.

Life is not perfect and some of those happy families we like to compre ourselves too have also challenges and we don’t know what it’s like behind closed doors.

I used to beat myself all the time over the man I chose for the father of my child, but look around us life is so short, be fair to yourself and leave these thoughts aside.

If you look around this forums a lot of us struggle with dads who are a piece of work and who are horrible examples and want to take children by force away from their family unit. If the dad does not want to be a part of your baby’s life it’s his mistake to make it does not mean that later down the line he can reappear into your lives when he is ready to maybe be a better human.

I just want to say (because I have been there) treat yourself with kindness, don’t embitter your thoughts with what could have been and when you are ready make positive steps to make sure you have a good future whatever you chose that to be xx

Thank you guys, I really do think that lockdown is making me feel worse because I can't even go to family or friends houses, I just feel so discontented with life and I find it so upsetting for years I wanted a baby and expected it to be such a happy time don't get me wrong I love the bones of her but this isn't how I wanted it to be x

Lock down makes everything seem worse, it must be extremely hard with a newborn it really is his loss, he is the one missing out.

@popsyflopsy I'm exactly the same knew from 8 weeks that dad would not been involved dd is now 3 weeks old and throughout pregnancy I had moments were I wondered if I had made the right choice it is hard this is my 4th and last but it will get easier think u will always have wobbles and moments of sadness it's all part and parcel of been a single parent and this lockdown really doesn't help as makes u more isolated me and my friends have one night a week where we all get on group video call to catch up on the week ikniw it's not the same as seeing them but maybe this is something you could do?

I don’t have easy answers, OP, but I do sympathise. I was widowed with two babies, and found it hard and isolating, but I didn’t have to cope with a lockdown as well.
Try to maximise all the chances for social interaction that you can get.
Go out twice a day for exercise, have conversations with other people out walking (from a safe distance) - a baby is a great ice breaker and talking point. Have regular video contact with family and friends. Phone people for chats too.
Maybe join the local volunteer list to phone other people who are isolated alone at home, so you can help cheer them up as well as yourself and feel a nice glow from being useful.
Finally, your baby will not be a baby forever and nor will lockdown last forever. Already your baby is beginning to smile and interact with you - it gets much more fun and less one sided when they can prattle and speak. Before you know it, you will have a forceful little person sharing your life, who will make you laugh and play games with you.
Look forward to the happier times that await you, and make the most of any contacts or little treats to help get you through the present.
Good luck, and God bless.

@Light11
I love your reply! It’s amazing! I’ve been through sort of the same with my son who has had no real relationship from his dad, he’s 10 now and has said until he gets an i’m sorry he doesn’t want contact. @Popsyflopsy it is so difficult not to compare yourself to others and for years i really really did it all the time until i realised it got me nowhere other than more sad and it didn’t do anything positive for my relationship with my son. When he was tiny i didn’t live in the same country as my family but i had really amazing friends all with bfs though so i was always the single ome. some bfs were lovely others less decent but my friends put up with them. I get that it is nice to have someone to share the little things with though as this is something couples really take for granted about each other. I hope the lockdown eases because it’ll take meeting just one or two people for your world to change a little in a good way. It is really easy to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do, why that is i have no clue. I also know plenty of friends who are single and living life, travelling (were), spending so much money on fancy stuff but their lives were a little empty. Some are really hoping to have children and a family and are nowhere close. You’ve got a little gift who’ll teach you so much. But it is hard emotionally a lot of the time as you’ve two sets to cope with now...just remember to treat yourself too. And hopefully when you’re able to see family/friends you’ll get some social life back for yourself too. Very important.

I have just posted about the same thing. I have no advice just wanted to offer some identification. My DD is 7 months and I can feel so overwhelmed sometimes. Just remembering it will pass and it gets easier.