CM for additional time during lockdown

[rosecreakybex]

My ex and I have a 50/50 arrangement. He has a wife and children and I am single with no other children.

For this reason our DD has elected to stay with me 5 days a week so I'm not on my own and also because I am at home all day and her dad is out at work. So she's going there at the weekend. He has been overall accepting of her decision.

He doesn't normally pay me anything but I asked him for money to help support her because I'm struggling with the extra food etc. But he has refused. He gave me £30 a few weeks ago but that's been it.

I'm considering going through the CSA but we don't know how long this will be for so it seems a lot of effort plus I'm sure they don't need the extra work.

Am I being unfair to ask for something and if not, how much? He's earning around 40k and his wife works too

Sorry I mean dd has decided to do this new routine just for lockdown

My ex normally has our son two weekends a month, plus extra in the holidays. He hasn’t seen him since lockdown began. He also isn’t working just now, so his income is down, as is his maintenance. It’s not great, but I imagine it’s the same for a lot of families. You can ask your ex for help, and if you’re really struggling to afford food there are programs that can help, but the CMS take months, even at the best of times.

Are you unreasonable no.... however going to the cms is pointless - from what I have read they are only dealing with new cases . So unless the change is long term it will cause problems but solve none

Hmm... yeah I thought as much. Makes me sad he doesn't want to help but such is life

@starlightstarbright it would be a new case

My friend is in a similar circumstance to yourself however after things settled she found she was entitled to school meal vouchers and realised she didnt need to change anything as it was short term. Who receives the child benefit if things are normally 50/50? If its normally 50/50.then you are having her for 1.5 extra days than usual per week. I get that this can add up but taking into account child benefit, meal vouchers and any other possible benefits is it really worth it? What would you do if your ex insisted on the 50/50?

CSA is now outdated. CMS is even more useless than normal atm. Even with an active case you can't get through on the phone and if you use the online service they aim to "get back to you within 12 weeks" if not longer. I'm used to zero maintenance, but was finally starting to receive the odd payment (via collect & pay) before the virus kicked off. No contact from NRP since December and last 2 (more like 12) payments (regardless of the schedule & estimate CMS set out) were missed. Nothing I can do about it.

Sorry I didn’t mean new cases I meant reducing payments for nrp .

While I totally see your point, and understand both your and your daughter’s reasons, I also think it’s a bit harsh for her to choose to spend less time with him and then expect him to pay.

@arnoldb she's a teenager so this has been her decision.. he couldn't insist on 50/50. I wouldn't mind but this is what she wants.

The FSM vouchers are £15 and very unreliable, some weeks they come, some they don't...

It does feel harsh. He is missing her. But under the circumstances I can understand her decision. And the fact remains that I am now responsible for the lion's share of her upkeep. Maybe I am being unreasonable to expect something.

It's just that if this was permanent he'd have to give me 15% minus the 2 nights a week

If she chose to be at his 5 nights a week at the moment would you be giving him money?

If her choice was the opposite would you be happy to do what your asking of him?

Pay more, see less?

No, you are not unreasonable to ask in answer to your question, but if he doesn't agree that's not unreasonable either I wouldn't say.

@Krankykittykat no because I have no income. I'm signed off work with a health condition but in theory, yes

@blathers - but it's not pay per view is it? Don't all NRPs pay more but see less?

What I mean is, he's wanting to spend time with his daughter obviously if you normally have 50/50... to have to pay more to see her less is lose lose for him...

You get to spend more time with her and you're expecting to be paid for it.

Every situation is different. And I get you in there circumstances tbh... but from his point of view he's not seeing her through no choice of her own... but is expected to pay financially for it...

My DSD is with us at the moment and we are responsible for all her upkeep however we are still paying maintenance to her mum as this is a temporary situation. Shes 12 and has the appetite of a horse and to be honest is eating through boredom. Her mother has not offered us any money for her keep and we're just getting in with it even though her father is now unemployed. I think it's more of a consideration for you as it sounds like you are already on a tight income.

And if you receive the child benefit do you normally give him half?

@blathers yeah I see that. But he's still saving on paying for her, and I'm picking up the cost alone

@arnoldb I don't but I pay for school uniform and trips so that covers that

This isnt a permanent situation though is it. So you wont need payments setting up long term.

Personally I'd just ask if he could give you a little bit of money every so often to help contribute. But I wouldnt expect a formal payment setting up.

I think you're being a bit grabby to be honest.

Thanks, I do actually appreciate these opinions. Because I totally didn't see that I was being like that.

I have asked for odd payments, and I'd much much rather not go down the route of CM.

But he hasn't given me any help and it's kind of humiliating to keep asking.

I'm genuinely struggling to support our DD right now.

I think I'll have to just deny what she wants and send her there