Child Maintenance

[lucyrp]

Just wondering if anyone would be able to shed any light on this for me. My son turned 5 years old in April this year. I've never been with his father but never asked any money for him as I wasn't paying rent for a house or anything and didn't want him to have anything to use against me to ask to see him more ( we didn't used to get on). I have had my own home since September and I realised he should be paying. I messaged him asking politely for a contribution and his response was "you don't have him all of the time" because my son goes to my mums on weekends because I work. His dad only sees him every week for 2 hours one evening as that's all he wants to see him and sees him extra on weekends if he wants. What would be the best route forward ? Will I have a leg to stand on for previous years or just ask from now on ?

Put a claim is with CSA that don't back date but will start from the date you make the claim so crack on

A claim via the CMS will only start on the day you make the call.

Regardless of your childcare arrangements he should pay 12% of his salary (before tax and NI). But not pension. This is on a sliding scale on the number of over nights he has.

Although everything is on hold at the moment. Good luck.

You won't get any for the past but go to the CMS and they will calculate for you.

Go to the CMS website and calculate it. I don’t think you’ll be able to get any for previous years tho

Definitely go to CMS as once it’s all set up payment wise whatever your ex earns you will always get the correct amount of money. I wouldn’t waste time telling him any of this just call and get the ball rolling.

He's an absolute scumbag for not paying anything before now, and you should begin a claim straight away.

He would have to have your child overnight 50% of the time to justify not paying.

He can't make deductions because your child sometimes stays overnight with your mum. What a joke.

And to add he has supposedly put money into a savings account for our child for the last 5 years the money that should have been coming to me but I highly doubt he has been doing that

He should be paying child support but children are not "pay per view" - finances and access arrangements should be totally separate conversations.

Go to the CMS and get a claim going. He should be making a contribution.

You can’t backdate payments, it starts from when the claim is made.

Your post does contradict in places, you say:

• I’ve never asked for any money
• I didn’t want to ask as I didn’t want him to see him anymore

Contact & maintenance are completely separate, children aren’t ‘pay per view’

The father says he’s been putting money aside for the child. Have you asked him for it to spend on the child?

His father and I didn't get on as the whole reason we found out he was his biological child was through blackmailing me to get a dna test done which caused me to become very ill as a result so I didn't want him to be able to use something else against me as I knew he would.

I don't even know it this "savings" exists.

The savings are irrelevant, he’s just trying to make you feel greedy. Maintenance is a separate issue.

Regardless of your dm having your dc sometimes he still needs to pay Cms. Ignore any correspondence but keep messages.

Yep savings are irrelevant, as are your earnings or if the child spends time with his grandparents or other childcare. The only relevant factors are his earnings and the number of overnights he has. Get the claim in now, everything else is irrelevant. You don't have to speak to him about it. Have one email address he can use and that's it.

Savings for a child is irrelevant. CMS won't take that in accaunt.
Case only deals with the money you should have monthly bases onto your account.
He never been fair to you. Why you even listen him? Clearly he lies to avoid payments he is meant to pay to you.

Update : he's now saying if he pays me he wants proof the money is going on our son. I honestly couldn't write this. Why are men like this

Go directly through CMS and let them deal with it

Also sorry OP because he sounds a right git 💐

Go through the CMS

@hulahoopqueen yeah I have tried to do it between us and I said if we go through them he has to pay more and he said I want proof of what it's going on and I said hun I don't have to prove where it goes it's for a roof over DS head, clothes on his back and food on the table. So CMS here we come

You gave him the opportunity to do the right thing. Don't engage any further. If he mentions it tell him it is in the hands of CMS. And he can ask them any questions.

Grey rock. Don't get caught up in any further conversations about it now.

The really ironic thing being, if he does force your hand to going through CMS, he still won’t have any idea of the specifics you spend it on 🙄 hope you get it all sorted very soon and painfree @lucyrp

@hulahoopqueen I know I did explain that that wasn't even a thing! What does he expect a break down of percentage of rent, utility bills etc 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

@lucyrp hi I think it's worth reframing how the money is perceived. It's not money he gives you to spend on your son, it's to defray the expenses you are incurring in raising your child.
You don't have to say this to him, in fact I strongly recommend keeping any communication to the absolute minimum (silence is also a means of communication and one which will really strengthen your mental health).