Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Looking for Some Advice

11 replies

SpiritedFoxes · 02/05/2020 03:27

Hi so as the subject says, I am looking for advice because I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if it's a bit long winded.

Little bit of backround: My ex and I separated just under a year ago, we have a 18mth old together. He was having contact with DD 2/3x a week until I asked him to bring her home early one day due to her being seriously underfed. This caused him to lose his temper to screaming point. After a phone call to health services for advice, I was advised to change his contact with DD to supervised until ex sought out professional help for his anger issues.
Cue lawyers being involved because he just stopped coming to see her, twisted the truth and of course I was the bad guy :(
Note; There has still not been any attempt to resolve said anger issues.
Ex eventually started coming to see DD again 2/3x a week (supervised) Texts and phone calls asking about her progress on days he didn't see her.

My family have been in lockdown since the week before it was made official, due to young children and one of my siblings being very susceptible to severe chest infections. DD and I are staying at my mother's and she has asked that there be no visitors due to my sibling being vulnerable.

Since lockdown was put in place, I have been dealing with constant fights from my ex, ie demanding to visit, threatening to just show up, screaming down the phone to my mother, accusing us of putting DD at risk because we let her play in the enclosed back garden. I told him he could video call because I understand his frustration of not being able to visit. He has done so twice and hung up because DD was "too busy playing with stuff" It got to the point where I would have to message to find out if he was calling. My messages are being ignored, I can't call him because he threw and broke his phone during the phonecall in which he screamed at my mother.

The whole situation is making me ill. All I can think about is how unfair this is on DD and how much more she deserves, but I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be really appreciated. Apologies again for the long read.

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 02/05/2020 04:28

Stop chasing him! Why on earth are you calling and texting him? Confused your child is 18 months old- she has no idea if he is supposed to call or not. Forget about him. If he calls he calls. Quite frankly she sounds better off without this person in her life. He’s a liability.

Starlightstarbright1 · 02/05/2020 12:18

You need to minimise any contact.

Don’t call , message carry on with your day . Your mum can block him, you can refuse phonecalls - I would simply answer questions about Dd via text, email ignore the rest.

Any response is reinforcement, like dealing with a toddler z like pp said your Dd won’t know if he is due to call or not .

SpiritedFoxes · 02/05/2020 13:12

I have only been using text now but trying to get an answer is like pulling teeth. He is the kind of person to call in the lawyers as soon as something doesn't go his way though. I haven't slept in weeks worrying about it all :(

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 02/05/2020 13:16

I haven't slept in weeks worrying about it all

I bet he has!

SpiritedFoxes · 02/05/2020 14:27

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend

More than likely.

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 02/05/2020 14:29

Exactly so stop stressing yourself and expending all this energy trying to get him contact with his child when he clearly isn’t even bothered. Honestly- she’s better off without people who have to be chased down and forced to spend time with her.

SpiritedFoxes · 02/05/2020 14:43

Well that is the reason his family isn't involved. They wouldn't call or visit even when we were together. We would have to go to them.

I'm thinking about calling my health visitor and asking her opinion as well because I really don't want to be in this situation anymore. I'm constantly worrying that he's going to just show up or that a letter is going be dropped through the door.

OP posts:
StrawberryJam200 · 05/05/2020 16:18

Yup call health visitor, and probably Women's Aid too, he's abusive.

Annaminna · 08/05/2020 11:41

How you know your daughter was seriously underfed?
How did you discover that?

Sodamncold · 08/05/2020 11:46

You took a decision to shield with a family member.
You didn’t need to.

I am totally with your ex in this

SpiritedFoxes · 08/05/2020 12:30

@Annaminna
He phoned me to let me know he was just going to get DD a tin of formula. When I asked him what she had to eat while with him, he told me he had gave her a piece of toast about 10am. This phone call was around 3:30pm. It was my health visitor that stated DD was seriously underfed.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page