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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

What do I do?

5 replies

Unsure12 · 19/04/2020 21:45

A bit of back story, I have recently split with the father of my 2 DC (around 2 months ago). He text me one night after he left whilst I was in the bath to tell me he has never loved me and thinks he would be happier on his own. I later found out that he was with someone else and had been seeing her whilst we was together. I reckon they was having an emotional affair for at least 6 months. They have just gone Facebook official and put the post on public so it could be seen (not sure why). I am utterly devastated and don’t know how to cope with my feelings.

However, I have put my feelings on the back burner as my children are not coping great. Especially my DD (3). I believe she now suffers from separation anxiety and it is breaking my heart even more. She is constantly attached to me. She cries if I walk away and always tells me she doesn’t ever want to be alone. She was such an independent happy child before all of this. She now tells me almost every day that she doesn’t want to go to her dads. How he never cuddles or pays attention to her. She even said he told her he doesn’t like girls. I know she’s only 3 and I should take what she says with a pinch of salt. But she’s never been a liar, she’s very grown up and knows not to lie about these things. She gets overly emotional when he collects them, to the point I now have to put her in the car.

What should I do? I’ve tried to speak to him about it and he says I’m making it up to be spiteful. He doesn’t seem to care and she even told him she doesn’t want to go, to which he replied you don’t have a choice, you will come and you’ll enjoy it.

I don’t know what I’m expecting from this post. I think I just need reassurance that everything will work out fine. I just want to see my children happy, regardless of myself. I just can’t see a way around this.

OP posts:
magicmallow · 19/04/2020 22:39

How often does she have to go to his? Sounds awful. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Unsure12 · 20/04/2020 06:17

At the moment they go every Friday - Sunday with the lockdown. However, we’ve had to self isolate due to symptoms so they won’t be going until next Friday.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 20/04/2020 07:50

Right now I would just keep up with the routine. She is only little and has dealt with a lot of changes recently.

Being home and with you is her safe place and she feel secure there.

When this is all over I would look for advice and support from other agencies. This might not be so easy with your dd being so young. I had issues with my dd when her dad left she was 5. And got her some counselling. She was always clingy but I have had real issues around bed time since he left.

Hope things quickly settle for you all.

As for his Facebook and any other social media block and ignore. He is doing it for a Reaction. Don't give him one. Conversation is about the children. Money and the house/legal stuff. Otherwise grey rock everything else. Stay strong. And in time this will be less painful.

Unsure12 · 20/04/2020 08:26

Thank you unicorn

I have stuck to a routine since the break up and it seems to work well. But they go to his and he just lets them do as they please. So I spend half the week getting them back to a routine. I just feel he doesn’t want to cooperate and I’m at the end of my tether.

I have blocked both him and the new girlfriend but it has come up on family/friends facebooks and they have informed me. I’m currently living with my parents again after having nowhere else to go. Hopefully it will settle once we have a place of our own.

OP posts:
humanvision123 · 20/04/2020 10:19

Children are reflection of their parents. Your children are reflecting your emotions.
Yes, it will get better.
When you find your feet again and you get over it, they will be happy and independent kids again.
It will come with time.

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