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Court hearing for access

18 replies

Natalieml · 15/04/2020 20:00

Hi

So last year I met someone, we’d met a few times but I only saw him as a friend I didn’t see any potential for a relationship. Anyway, to cut an incredibly long story short, we went away but I don’t remember much about that night. My head felt very heavy and all I remember is him saying to me “why are you trying to get away”. I later discovered I was pregnant, I had seen one other guy but I’ve known him for a lot longer. I never confirmed to this guy that the baby could be his but immediately he wanted me to have an abortion. He was controlling, he’s under investigation for rape as I don’t remember much and I only had one glass of wine. He was desperate to get me into the bath with him that night and insisted that it’d be weird for him to ‘have a bath alone’. Anyway he’s harassed and stalked me for months, was interviewed for harassment but not charged as his behaviour was deemed not ‘dangerous enough’ but the police officer said he knows exactly what game he’s playing.

He’s sent his mum to the door, written letters to my parents, got his solicitor to contact my priest because I wouldn’t talk to her or him. Now he’s made an application to the court for access. His solicitor has told my solicitor that he’s going to take a Costs order out against me, but I don’t really understand what that means? How long does court take? Will a dna test be ordered? I don’t know what to expect.

OP posts:
Marley040783 · 15/04/2020 22:44

You poor girl, can't imagine how you are feeling. So after that night did you call the police and then he was investigated for rape?. And did he admit you had sex.
Have you now had the baby.
If he has got a solicitor then I would imagine the court will ask for a DNA test yes, as long as he is not named on the birth certificate then you have full PR but it sounds very messy so just prepare for a lengthy battle as they can go on months and months depending on what the courts decide and what action they want to take. Stay strong, stick to your guns and don't show any kind of vulnerability to him or the solicitor because they will just take full advantage.

Marley040783 · 15/04/2020 22:46

And a cost order means they are aiming to get the court to make you pay for half or all of the other parties costs.

Natalieml · 16/04/2020 09:33

Hi

He hasn’t been interviewed yet for the rape and I’m not entirely sure he even knows there’s an open investigation. After that night I told him I didn’t remember much and he said we rolled around on the bed naked and he told his solicitor that we had ‘horny fun’. He isn’t on the birth certificate and he’s never met him. I feel quite bullied by him and his solicitor. I have a solicitor of my own but she’s really difficult to get along with it feels as though she’s taking his side. Thank you for your comment.

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Marley040783 · 16/04/2020 10:06

You need to change solicitor and find 1 you are happy with. I know your reasonings referencing to that night but what are your reasons for not wanting him to have contact if he DNA comes back a match?

Natalieml · 16/04/2020 11:19

But I don’t know if I can do that now? The hearing is on the 27th of April. He’s very controlling and I don’t believe he wants the baby, he told me that if I went ahead with the pregnancy then he’d go for full custody. He told me I was selfish immature and I don’t trust him. Now he’s saying that if a dna test is ordered that I need to pay for it, but he’s the one who wants it not me! I just don’t trust him he’s abusive.

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Bringringbring12 · 16/04/2020 11:26

Op you need to be careful with your language

He hasn’t been interviewed and doesn’t know that he’s under investigation.
He therefore isn’t “under investigation”. If you want our help, you need to be clear. You have reported him for rape? What has actually happened since then?

1Micem0use · 16/04/2020 11:38

If you cannot remember having sex with him, after having one drink with him, and the child is his, then he drugged and raped you. If you were unable to give your consent due to being unconscious, drugged, or otherwise, then you were raped. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please report this.

Marley040783 · 16/04/2020 11:58

So what is the court hearing for exactly. If you reported been raped to the police why was he not arrested and investigated at the time. Who applied to court and under what order?

Marley040783 · 16/04/2020 12:05

If the DNA test comes back the child is his but he is not convicted of rape then he is free to peruse contact.

Natalieml · 16/04/2020 13:20

I apologise, I should of said it’s an open investigation rather than he’s under investigation.

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Natalieml · 16/04/2020 13:23

I reported it but not with the police straight away. I told my midwife and other support agencies first as he scared me. It wasn’t until he started to harass me that I phoned the police and I made an official report. There was some sort of hold up over with me giving my statement which I’ve done now hence the delay in interviewing him and because of coronavirus they can’t do it yet.

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Natalieml · 16/04/2020 13:24

He applied to the court for contact. It was going to a legal advisor but now it’s going to go to the magistrates apparently.

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Natalieml · 16/04/2020 13:26

The only thing I remember is rolling on my right side and then him saying why are you trying to get away from me. I couldn’t get him off me I couldn’t speak I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had one glass of wine and I never have felt like that before.

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Marley040783 · 16/04/2020 13:37

It’s a difficult one but Iv got a court hearing on 24th April and it’s been cancelled today so can’t imagine you will end up goin, my only corners is that they try use that you are calling rape because you don’t want him to have access, and of course it is not to late to change solicitor you need someone you can rely on and have confidence in, you need to be pressing the police on this , are you in the UK

Bringringbring12 · 16/04/2020 14:35

Op
There is so such thing as an open investigation.

So what is exactly the situation? Because this will determine his chances

AlternativePerspective · 16/04/2020 14:52

None of this makes sense.

You say you found out you were pregnant but didn’t tell him the baby was his and yet he found out you were pregnant and demanded you have an abortion? How did he find out? ESP as you said that you didn’t pursue a relationship with him after that night?

you’ve said he’s under investigation for rape but this isn’t actually the case as he has never been interviewed and that is what would be needed for an investigation. Sounds as if you have told the police you believe you were raped but they’ve decided not to take it any further.

Yes the courts would order a DNA test. If it comes back as positive that the baby is his, he will likely be put on the birth certificate,given parental responsibility and access.

The behaviour towards the mother rarely results in the father being excluded from their child’s life.

Added to which you will only damage your case if you start talking in court about how he’s being investigated for rape when this clearly isn’t the case. What happened between you is irrelevant in reference to the contact hearing and you need to pursue that independently.

Starlightstarbright1 · 16/04/2020 21:53

Can I ask about the other guy you talk about. Is he possibly the father? If so get him to do a dna test right now.

I would also look at changing your solicitor. I always felt my solicitor was alway fair and honest.

Marley040783 · 23/04/2020 20:37

@Natalieml how,s your situation gong hun

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