Single mother juggling work and COVID-19

[March20]

Hi all. I’m a key worker and I usually get to work with the help of my ex (no other family support) it’s been and still is extremely hard work getting him to “help” me look after his own child. I only do it as I currently earn a decent wage and only do part time hours. As we are in a pandemic I mentioned since he’s working from that he really should be looking after our child as we shouldn’t be taking up a service that’s already under a strain not to mention risk of getting COVID-19. My ex basically refused & made excuses. My childs teacher pulled me aside & asked me about this situ and she said basically I’m able to use the service but really dad should be looking after our child. I feel worried & under pressure as should and will are too different things!! I did explain to her that’s it’s complicated & he can be awkward. My ex has basically said he’s a key worker and the teacher said he’s not... so “apparently” he is now saying he’s a lorry driver. Is anybody in a teaching field? Does the school have right to refuse dad taking him to school next week??

Sorry I missed out that my ex is **WFM and has been for some time.

Only one parent needs to be a keyworker for a child to attend school, so school can’t refuse on that basis- of course, it would be better if he could stay at home with his dad, but you know that better than anyone. Some schools are starting to make judgements about who needs to be in school and who does not, as the guidance doesn’t specify whether teachers or parents decide who needs to come to school; as you are a keyworker, this shouldn’t apply.

Sorry your ex is a twat

If you can prove somehow your ex is working from home then the school can refuse your child attending.

They can’t- only one parent needs to be a keyworker. Guidance advises children who can be cared for safely at home should be, but also states that children with one keyworker parent are eligible for school provision. It’s ambiguous enough to be interpreted in different ways by schools, but your ex not being a keyworker should not be the issue.

How confident are you that he would be safe and cared for staying at home with his dad?

Would you rather your son went to school or was looked after by his dad?

I’m confident he will look after our child I have no concerns. He usually has him x2 overnight stays and one full weekend every month. Apart of him is just very idle and wants to do the bare minimum as well as making my life as difficulty as possible. I would rather him stay with his dad as tbh everybody should be isolating. The teacher basically said that I should speak with him. I have not mentioned anything to him and he hasn’t mentioned anything to me (I have tried prior) about the school speaking to him so I think he thinks I haven’t been informed. The teacher basically said that I can use the service but indirectly said she would turn dad away if he brought him to school next week (which would fall on me to pick up the slack) not to mention it’s rather embarrassing!

Absolutely he is a total pr*ck.

Your ex is a twat. School should not refuse your child as only one parent needs to be a key worker. Ideally your ex should look after him. You can’t exactly make your ex step up so school needs to be accommodating.

It’s just so difficult. I’m also a key worker but am shielding. Haven’t been furloughed as work is as busy as ever so I am wfh, with unsatisfactory equipment, whilst looking after 2 children. My ex is at home all day but has refused to have them. I do not want them to attend school due to my health.

My mental health is already fragile and I am unsure how much longer I can continue like this.

Exactly! You cannot force someone to step up. I can totally relate children so far are less likely to pick this COVID-19 I just tell myself realistically I can’t manage work and juggle on no sleep up until September (assuming the kids stay off that long). It’s tough times.

I do appreciate the teachers but I’m sick & tired of hearing that they are vulnerable and looking after sick children anybody would think that they now have become social workers. I have heard that some people are abusing the system... but maybe now most hubs are set up they should be asking parents of proof of employment.

Could you not send your children to school even once or twice a week? To help you out.

I can’t really send mine to school as I’m in the highest level shielding group. I also cannot lock myself away in a separate room to shield from my children as I need to look after them. Highlight of the week is a trip to the doorstep to collect shopping.

I am actually a Social Worker! I’m worried I will be neglecting my own childrens education and ignoring them for hours everyday. Although I am not doing face to face visits I am doing practically everything else remotely. Badly.

Schools are just worried - they definitely have people who are working from home and taking the piss. Included married couples who both work from home and could juggle it between them. They are worried about the safety of themselves and their own families which is understandable.

Meanwhile I have many friends on furlough, some even topped up to 100% by their employers, doing lots of home education, doing odd jobs and generally enjoying family time whilst I’m pushing myself to keep going when normal life is difficult enough. I have no reserves left, I’m running on empty.

I feel guilty for being envious as I’m aware people are worried about redundancies and any drop in income however I would be relieved to be furloughed.

It seems that people like us have slipped through the net.

Ahhh it’s tough & you have an intense job. Could you maybe reduce yours working hours to 16 per week? Even get a Drs note if work refused. Or if as a last resort you could go on sick! Because something is going to have to give I doubt schools will be going back till at least September time.

I totally agree we seemed to have slipped through the net it’s a terrible time to be working as it’s as broad as it is wide we get paid to are at risk and so are the children going to school..
At my child's school they only had 14 kids last week and I think most of the school teachers are WFM so they are not exactly under great pressure although there’s a risk like there is for most people even going out to do the grocery shop.

I thought that key workers who had to travel/need childcare have a letter showing this? Not sure if this is the case for all key workers.

I have to register 2 weeks at a time what days I need my child to attend. The school took my work details but I doubt they check as I’m assuming they are busy & maybe don’t have the power to ring people’s managers ect

No letter here. Was also given a form by school to fill in with hours needed (if I decided to send them). Our primary school has had about 40 children attending and they have urged parents to keep their children at home if at all possible. No idea if they are actually ringing employers but they did request details.

I cannot afford to significantly reduce my hours, especially not for months. Annual leave wouldn’t cover it all either and I need that to cover school holidays later on.

I get no maintenance as the ex is self employed and the child maintenance service has been ineffective. Silver lining is that he is now screwed as he will receive a pittance from the government as he’s been declaring very little income for years.

I cannot go on sick as quite a few of us at work are in similar situations and it’s just not fair to let others pick up the slack. No easy answers for any of us.

If your school only has low numbers attending then the risk is significantly reduced and you should not feel guilty sending your children in. You have very little choice.

Because everybody is anxious (as I’m medical) I’m aware of the risk but I have to get over it. According to the teacher she said she’s working with “vulnerable” children and she has to keep the. 2M apart from each other. Doesn’t help that my child’s father did the school run and now the pressure is on me to explain why I’m sending my child to school in the first place (I did try and ask his dad to look after him at his own house) before I sent him to school he basically refused.

Now the school are saying because I’m a key worker I can use the service but dad can’t.... So roll on next week it should be eventful.
Ahhh it’s an option to consider surely WTC would help you with your wage if things don’t ease these next couple of months.