Absent parent not contacting DC since lockdown started

[worldweary45]

My DCs are teens (but under 18) so contact arrangements etc are done directly with them rather than me

Contact is sporadic at best

But I'm still shocked that their dad has sent no messages to ask how they are, if they have everything they need etc etc

You'd think after 12 years of being a single parent I'd have got used to his behaviour by now

Is he unusual in ignoring his DC during a pandemic or is this a common response?

I'm never sure if my expectations are too high

Mine have had one call from their Dad, after he made a weird fuss about it (just call them fgs). That was 10 days ago and nothing since. He's let them down so often that they just expect it now, but despite everything, it still amazes and suprises me just how little effort he puts in.

They don't want to see him, and he's seemingly shirking the EOW rota, they won't see him for weeks now. This'll likely be the nail in the coffin for their relationship, and I don't think he even has a clue

I could have written the exact same post.

He's just walked past the house with his dog as I was washing the windows -didn't even look in my direction

I give in

I keep lowering the bar and he still fails to get over it. Currently now below floor level! He's managed to upset all 3 children since this started and I'm dealing with the fallout of the 2 here. My daughter keeps saying she's done with him but he lets her down again and she's hurt all over again. Quite frankly I'm fed up with it, don't see why I should be dealing with that on top of everything else. But what choice do I have. Plus I know it took me a very long time to recognise who he is, so not sure why I expect my children to do better! But it's so hard watching them want something from him to show he cares and being let down. It's particularly hard because he seems to be able to do this for his wife and step child but it's illusionary.

Actually makes me feel a bit sorry for my mum. She wasn't the best parent in the world but she was there and had to watch as my dad let us down repeatedly. And my sister will hear nothing bad said about him.

Same here. My ex is absent and has been for a few years so I’m not surprised really but he doesn’t know how his kids are makes me sick tbh.

Same here. My soon to be ex husband last saw our children on Xmas eve when he called in for 10 mins to drop a card off, told them he'd be in touch and nothing since. I couldn't believe he didn't check in how they were when all this started kicking off in the world ( well I could but still...) my 8 year old son is devastated so the other night he used his older sisters phone and rang him- dad invited them to stay like he sees them all the time, no discussion with me, nothing, and now I'm the bad guy for having to say no.

I'd have been tempted to say yes, just to watch him attempt to backtrack and still look like the good guy! He knew you'd say no because he's an irresponsible dick and who'd let their kids stay with someone like that at this time?

One of mine has spoken to his dad because he needed something but it sounded like he was talking to his teacher - sad for my son because he's distancing himself for protection. Their dad is very good at looking like a good dad in front of others and there's no audience at present. They so want to believe that's who he is it hurts and my heart breaks for them. I spent far too long playing this game too and I've not really got any answers other than this is who he is and it's not personal, even though it feels it.

Same. He called once, moaned about being skint and that’s it. Fucking asshole.

Same here. I got a text 2 weeks ago asking how son was, he also added he was not happy as son had not called him & no one cares about him. 🙁

Surprise surprise! Son is 4 and sees him once a month for an hour or two max so he is not going to get a call, he has since been blocked as got sworn at and verbal abuse.
Don’t need the negativity on top of everything else. Amazes me how little some parents care.

We can do this!

Wow! It's like I could have written this myself.
My 8 year old cannot entertain himself so in the first week of me trying to WFH I put him onto FaceTime his dad while I worked. He spoke for 5 minutes mostly moaning that "it's not a holiday you should be doing some schoolwork" and said he would call back but hasn't. I'm so mad. And am tempted to send a cussing text but decide against it

What are we to do?!? So frustrating