Feeling sorry for myself

[TickledOnion]

DDs are at their dad and SM this week along with their step sisters. They’re having a great time. ExH has been furloughed, his DP isn’t working at the moment. They’ve got a big house and garden with the worlds biggest trampoline. They’ve got the home schooling down to a fine art with Pinterest-worthy activities going on. DDs are enjoying it so much they’ve not used their phones. DD1 is usually glued to hers and has a tantrum when her time limit is up. I have to nag them constantly whereas they just do exactly as they are told at their dads with no problem. They fight all the time here but never there. They are spending next week with me while I try to work from home and will no doubt have a shit time and be desperate to get back to his.
I can’t see my DP as we don’t live together. So I’m comfort eating everything in the house while their prettier, younger, slimmer step mum is looking as glamorous as ever.
I know my problems are minor compared with other people but I just feel like a shit parent and I miss my DDs though they probably don’t miss me.

I can understand your feelings. Remember comparison is the thief of joy.
I grew up living with my mum who didn't have a lot. And my dad had a big house in London. Typical Disney dad. The loving and secure home my mum gave me was my stable base. And although we weren't able to do the holidays or expensive days out. She taught us to knit. Cool and sew. We did picnics and painting. Planted seeds in the garden and made dens.

My kids dad is the same. He throws money at them. But I hang on to how my mother made me feel and that was more important than anything else.

I'm in the over eating camp too. I'm going to try and eat better from now. My eating is emotional and these stressful times and being on my own it's my go to things. So I got a load of fruit. And better meal planning for next week. So feel more prepared and in control

I have found planning is key. I wfh so life as normal on that front. But I have got more organised with the kids work. Set a plan for them the evening before. And meals are organised and fresh air everyday. Be kind to yourself. You are doing great.

Thank you for your kind reply unicornsarereal72. I’m feeling more positive this morning.

Hope today is a better day for you.

I could have written your post word of word - exactly the same scenario! It's an awful feeling isn't. Im feeling more positive today too. I'm sure you're doing great don't worry!

Tickled - remember that they fight and are less likely to do as you say first time because they are more relaxed with you and see yours as their true home where they can be themselves. I know it seems unfair but my daughter (10) is quite candid with me about this. And actually it's a reflection on the strength of their trust in you.

well let me try:
She has to look glam and put on a happy face and never ending friendly suit, to earn you DD's approval. Your CC's positive attitude towards her is conditional.
You can be overweight and grumpy and nagging mum they still love you unconditionally.
She can only entertain them, never discipline them because she is only STEP-mom and not their real mum and they will never fail to remind her that.
You can discipline them, make rules, take away they devices or send them to bed without pudding if you feel like. No one will call you out. Its your privilege.
She will be always silently jugged buy relatives, friends, other children and their parents in your DD's school. Every word says, he every action, her appearance, her food, her house ... everything is always analysed and called to be "she got it because she stole their dad".
You are always the one everyone's sympathy and moral support belongs to.
She is always "the second"
You are always "the first"
She has to chose her words and actions because she can not upset your DD's. She is always on her tiptoes around them to please her DP (their dad).
You can upset your girls because they will always forgive you. You are their mum.
She knows that her DP will choose his daughters over her. She can loose her DP is she doesn't behave nice.
You know that her DP will always be a co-parent with you. Nothing you do or say will ever change that fact.
She has to consider your feelings about everything, she always has social pressure on her to not upset you, not to do anything that is disrespectful towards SC's mother.
You are allowed to be snappy and even bitter. General opinion is that its Ok for first wife to not like the new partner (as long as the first wife is not openly hostile).
Her DP is always involved with you and she can not never remove you from her life. You are always like a shadow in her living room. She lives in constant competition with you and she has to win or she is loosing her partner.
You don't have to be in competition with her because you can not loose his interest in you. You are always the co-parent who has effect over their lives. You can be less pretty, less rich, smaller house, smaller salary but you are always the one who is always in the picture, always the topic in their household.
You are unbeatable and you even don't have to try!

Hope that makes you feel better!
Hugs!