Feel guilty for not wanting baby don't judge me

[Mummygettingthroughit201]

So I am a single mum with a 2 year old little girl, been through court etc with her father and it's just been an awful experience since she arrived. She on the other hand is amazing and I absolutely love the bones off of her.

I met someone new, about a year ago and we got on really well .. he had his flaws as does anyone and did sulk a fair bit but I could bypass that, anyway I'm 32 weeks pregnant ... he walked out when I was 20 weeks and I haven't seen him since. I've had a message off him saying that he wants to have no involvement with me or the baby.

Dropped 2 year old off to her father on Thursday and he turned up with his new girlfriend and that's just absolutely set me off on a downer all weekend and I have no idea why because he was an abusive shit and I would never go back there. I think maybe it was just icing on the cake and triggered me off!

But I feel absolutely nothing towards this baby, I'm finding myself dreading my due date, don't feel excited at all, smoked yesterday because I felt so shit and I cannot stand pregnant women smoking and j am so ashamed of myself for doing it, not really been eating great either and I just forget that the baby is there. Whenever anyone asks about the baby it's like I feel embarrassed to talk about him, and I don't feel that urge to want to show him off when he's here.

I feel like such a fucking awful person because it's not the baby's fault and I love my little girl that I already have. So how can I feel so different :(

I think that you are worried/ ashamed what people will think. Whilst people will judge there will be others that see you with your daughter and your son and think how lucky you are to have them. They are close in age so will be close. Your ex may have a new gf whilst its difficult for you to meet someone at the moment but you could do something else like an online course or plan what you want to do job wise in a year or two and start looking into training courses. Prioritise you. Dont think about the two idiot exs. Some people are just unlucky with relationships. I know I am but I have 2 amazing boys and a job I love.
Good luck

I think sometimes it is difficult to bond with a baby when you’re carrying it as it’s difficult to translate it into a real human life if that makes sense? I also think sometimes it’s scary to love and bond with an unborn child in case something happens. There is also a lot of pressure on pregnant women to be in a constant state of glee at their pregnacy when in reality it’s a pretty sucky time. Have a chat with your midwife.