Hi everyone, sorry for such a morbid title but it is what it is... 😞 First off I'm a 32yr old single mum to my first child, an absolutely stunning and wonderful 9 month old baby boy. ❤️💞 He's the light of my life, I've never loved anyone or anything as much as him and motherhood is truly amazing. Thing is.. I'm really struggling to cope right now. I lost my best friend of almost 20yrs in August. She took her own life and never got to meet my baby boy. He was only 7 weeks old and I was still recovering after a hard birth. 💔💔💔 I'm crying typing this. I loved her so much, we were inseparable since the first day I met her on our first day of high school, we were truly like sisters. No one has ever known me like she did. She was my family. I live alone with my baby boy and don't have anybody else in my life apart from my dad who's in his 70's and whose very poorly right now. 💔 I lost my mum when I was 17 and my Grandma died also in 2017. I have no other friends because me and my best friend were so inseparable. I know people but not as friends and absolutely never see anybody at all and haven't for years. I'm a strong girl and have been through some tough times but it's hit me like a ton of bricks.. me and my son are completely alone in this world and it scares me. I feel lost. Everyone needs somebody right?.. To chat to, even to check on them now and then. I keep thinking I could literally die right now and nobody would even know. It terrifies me as what would happen to my baby? 😭💔 and I miss my friend so badly it hurts so much. I cry myself to sleep every night because of it. I love my baby boy but he's becoming increasingly more demanding and harder work so I'm exhausted 24/7 too. I wish I just had one minute to myself to close my eyes and rest. I'm so lost right now. It's also mother's day tomorrow, and I'm missing my mum and grandma, two people I need in my life especially now. It will be my first mother's day too which is amazing but I'm sad I've no one to talk to or anything. I don't know any other women at all. Sorry for all the ramblings I'm just lost and scared and don't know what to do with my life right now. 😭💔