Last name and BC

[bubba22]

This has probably been done to death but I need some advice. I’m due in May with my 2nd child. He has the same dad as my 1st child (who has ex’s last name and is on the BC). Me and ex have broke up and he has had no contact with me or DC since then. I’m wondering, do I put his name on the bc and give DS his last name? Or do I leave it. I know all advice would be to leave it but I don’t like that my boys would have different last names

I know it must suck that your boys would have different last names but if I was in your situation I’d be leaving him off BC and give your baby your last name

I don't think you can put him on the birth certificate even if you want to - guidance here. I am assuming you are not married.

For the surname, given your first ds has your ex's surname, I think I would give your second child the same surname.

Thank you for that page @tribpot. I won’t put him on the BC. It’s just the last name that’s more of a worry

you can still give him that last name and you could change yours to it too if you wanted.

If it helps, my daughter has my ex's surname but is 'known as' with my surname at school (her choice). I have told her she can choose to change it officially at 16, but in the meantime she's just referred to as DD Chopsis everywhere, that's enough for her. So you could check with DS1 whether he wants the same name as his baby brother, and if so change it unofficially?

@MonaChopsis that’s a good idea, thank you

DP and I have 2 kids (still together).

When DS2 came along, I wanted to give him my surname, but wobbled because I thought that DS1 would feel left out, and didn't.

A year later I was still regretting it, spoke with DS1, who barely noticed his brother's name, let alone cared, and we deedpolled DS2's surname to match mine (they wouldn't change the birth cert, which is a whole other argument - because they'd have changed it from mine to DP's no problem). We get some looks at the airport, but otherwise it's no problem.

So think about what you really want, because it's a bugger to change later!

Thanku @TreestumpsAndTrampolines I think I’m going to think about it a little more.

You could change first child's name to match yours and second child?

I am currently wishing my partner and I were married as when our child arrives it'll have his last name. We are engaged, have been for four years but we're so slow in planning I worry it'll never get done.

How old is your eldest? If I was in your position I'd be considering changing their surname to match yours, and giving the new baby your surname too. Sod your ex!

nombie just give it your name then and change it on marriage! It’s the traditional way after all.

@SilverOtter he’s 2 :). I would need ex’s permission to change DS’s surname wouldn’t I?

@SilverOtter OP would need her ex’s permission to change her eldest’s name as he’s on the BC.

Oh yes of course to actually legally change it.

But you could change it for everyday life so he's officially "known as" your surname at school etc.

My brother and his ex split up very soon after my nephew was born, and although he has my brothers surname legally on his birth certificate, he has never been called by it at school etc, just by the ex's surname.

It would take the confusion out of the equation for now, with them only being small. Then at a later date you could give your elder child the choice to change legally, or not if they so wish

@SilverOtter that is a consideration! Thanku

defo your name! and then get your other son's name changed at school etc to yours

do not give both kids your x's name - big mistake!

but i dont think that kids should be given their dads surname who arnt together under any circumstances - and those even together, with caution! good luck

Thank you @carly2803

@Nombie give the baby YOUR surname. When you get married you can change it to his. If you give baby his and he never marries you, because he already has everything he wants without marriage, you cannot change it to yours. It makes much more sense to give baby your name then change on marriage. MUCH more sense.

Op, give baby your surname and start calling dc1 by your name too.

100% your name