How do you do it?

[IdreamofClooney]

Hello everyone

I am just hoping for a bit of support and advice, I;ve been a single parent for almost 6 months now and it doesn;t seem to be getting any easier....

How do you cope?

I work full time in a stressful job and have just moved house and I think I am close to nervous exhuastion.

I am stuggling to cope, I shouted at DS yesterday as was so stressed and so tired and I just wnated 5 mins peace to tidy up after his tea and he was clingy and whiney and I snapped. Now I feel so guilty.

The house is a tip - I haven;t even had the energy to hang curtains and I feel that everythign is getting on top of me.

I just found out from the nursery the my ex has been turnng up late to collect DS (first I heard of it) and they took it upon themseleves to bring HIS lateness up with ME. The only reason that DS is in nursery for Ex to pick him up is because Ex cannot get out of bed in the morning so I had to put DS into nursery as ex wasn;t turning up to collect him.

Add to that all of my financial worries and work problems and I am just a wreck!

is there any way you could work part time instead of full time so you dont feel so stressed?

It is really hard and sometimes I was happy just to get through the day. Do you have family nearby who can help?

How is your relationship with your ex? Would he help out a bit more, having your ds?

Something I found that really helped me was having my dds in a routine so I had some me time at night. They ahve always had strict bedtimes etc. And the trick to managing the chaos is to stay on top of things. I find once I let something go just a little, it takes way more energy to get it back under control. Things like housework, finances, whatever.

You're probably coping better than you realise. It's because it's so new that it's hard. You'll adapt, honest.

I used to work full time too, and was always on the go. In the end i had to go part time and i am much less stressed. Although I have less money, I have less takeaways, taxis, and have to make a packed lunch. So Im not really as worse off as I thought I would be.

Just for a few years can you work part time?
It wont be forever.

Thanks for replying, I would love to work part time - I am lookiing into applying to work 30 hours instead of 35 and to do it over 4 days - am hoping that they may allow that. I would be able to cope finanically (just) and I am sure that a whole extra day not having to get out of the house so early and work hard all day will help me.

Ex and I do not get on well - I am full of resentment as he continues his life as normal - out all the time, spending all his money on himself and then gets all of the good times with DS as is never having to hurry so as not to be late for nursery in the morning etc and worrying about money.

I've asked ex if he could take DS overnight once a week as would make it easier, rather than him picking him up and dropping him off at my work but he refuses as he needs a night off (!)

Unfortuantley my family are not v forthcomng in helping me either

Do you have any formal arrangement regarding who has your ds and when? Does he have him every other weekend? I used to find when my dds were younger that having that break from them was much needed. I love them dearly but needed a break.

I hope your employers consider your request. I agree that an extra day during the week would make a huge difference. Are you entitled to tax credits? Have you looked into those?

i cant add any advice but i have just moved house and wanted to say that do not underestimate how stressful moving house is - you may find that when you feel more at home things may seem easier

could you get a babysitter once a week - maybe every wednesday -maybe from nursery - so you can do something nice for yourself? might break the week up more

The arrangment I have with my ex for him looking after DS suits him, but not me!

He collects him from nursery at 3.30 on mondays and tuesdays and drops him off with me as I finish work at 5.15.

Ex gets Wed and thurs off work so had agreed to look after DS on those two days but didn;t turn up on several occassions (slept in and cannot be woken) so now DS is in nursery till lunch time on those days as well and Ex collects him and brings him to my work. (I just found out that he is late to collect him everyday and I get the hassle!)

I;ve suggested an over night stay but he refuses.

It does save me some nursery fees that ex collects him earlier four days (as I pay all of the fees) but I'd be happier if he collected him on the wednesday and kept him over night etc.

I do get tax credits whihc help but things are pretty tight now I;ve moved house and I seem to have much less money than I budgetted....