About to be a single mum

[adviceplease321]

Hi, I have a 10 month old son and looks like I'm about to become a single parent.

I am worried about the uncertainty of it all. Me and my partner have been together 6 years so all of this is going to be a big change.

I'm back at work part time with my son and I'm worried about finances - paying rent, nursery fees etc.

Can I ask how you ladies cope with being a single parent? Everything just seems such a mess at the minute

I had more money when I was single parenting tbh. I worked part time and income was supplemented by tax credits plus there was the smallish amount of child maintenance. That was a few years ago not sure if tax credits works the same now but I'm sure someone will be along in a minute with up to date info.

Thank you, I will need to look into this, haven't been on benefits before so it's completely new to me

You will be entitled to benefits so get onto one of the online calculators as that will give you an idea of how much and hopefully your ex will pay maintenance (in an ideal world).
You just have to budget differently from before.

It’s lonely when you put the kids to bed at night, and when they visit their dad at the weekend but that’s the downside. The upside is that by not staying in an unhappy relationship you will be a happier person. And a happy mummy will made a happy child!
At the beginning it all seems very overwhelming but honestly you will get through it and be stronger because of it.

I promise that it will get better.

@Chocolatecake12 thank you I will have a look. If I know that we'll have enough to survive on it will at least put my mind at rest.

I do feel very lonely and sad. This is first night in on my own and just seems really strange. I feel sad for my son that everything we've planned together for him / his life isn't going to happen. It's just not how I saw things turning out

@OhioOhioOhio thank you, I really hope so. It's just so different to how I thought things would be. I want to fast forward a couple of months to when things are settled and hopefully we're happy

I’m a lone parent due to my husband dying a few years ago. My children are 7 and 10. I work part time and am entitled to tax credits so money wise I do ok. I like my evenings alone but having no father in the mix does make going out difficult!

@Izzybuzzybuzzybees would you say that's the biggest challenge? Is day to day parenting ok on your own?

Does anyone know if I applied for benefits how long it takes to receive them?

I'm 6 weeks into separation and becoming a single mum. It's scary as fuck. I really know how you're feeling. My marriage ended without warning after 22 years together. For the first few weeks I was in shock really, we still don't have a routine as such, and the house seems so quiet.

BUT after about a month, a started to have tiny glimmers in light in the everyday. Our house is calmer, I don't have to consult anyone when making plans, me and the kids can just please ourselves really. I have started to see how things can improve, and quite quickly.

We're adaptable as women, and we'll just get it done. You'll be ok xx

Re: universal credits, mine took 4 weeks. I got on it really quickly. Do it online, it's really straightforward

@Allthesamestuff thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear your going through this too, but glad to hear your doing well.

Your right it is so scary. Everything is just so uncertain and I feel sad for my son

@Allthesamestuff I'll have a look online ASAP. I don't know if my wages alone will cover rent / bills/ nursery for long without any help

I know, I do too. Mine are 8 and 10 so complications there in terms of supporting them in the best way. Your little one will know no different, it will be his way of life so you should take some comfort in that.

It's really sad. I had children with the man I thought I would be with forever, I'm sure you're the same.

But I have begun to frame a new future. I booked a small and v. cheap holiday for the 3 of us in the summer with friends. Have a think about doing something like that, something to look towards so it feels less bleak.

universal credit will help you with living/housing/childcare costs

you may find you are better off working part time and nursery 2/3 days a week.

you make it work. I have, its bloody hard but cut your cloth. Good luck and big hugs (())

Definitely apply straight away. I work part time, fairly good salary, mortgage. I get the childcare element which more or less covers that, and some as a single parent. Also my 'D'H pays me child maintenance. If you rent you may be eligible for housing benefit. I'm in a shed load of debt which of course is terrifying but if I'm super careful it's not as dire as I thought it might be.

The sooner you do it the more relieved you will be. You can do an eligibility calculation on various sites accessible in the gov.uk website. It takes 15 mins and I think they're pretty accurate. You can also calculate what CMA day DP should pay in child maintenance. Worth a look, again, to put your mind at rest and, so you feel more in control. If you're anything like me, that will be really helpful x

I've done so before and it does get better , you even end up enjoying after a while beleive it or not ! like pp said it's evenings that are lonely and weekends at dads , but you can also use evenings to find a new hobby at home or watch films or read etc have a nice bath , I'm very close to being in same situation again soon it's a big leap into the unknown, it's so scary but once it calms down and get used to it will be fine xx

Universal credit takes 5 weeks for the first payment but you can get an advance which you need to pay back.

You need to submit your childcare receipts every month, you can't use tax free childcare and UC at the same time.

The hardest part of single parenting for me was wrapping the presents up on Xmas eve and filling the stockings alone.

Do you have a good network of friends and family? That makes all the difference.

Universal Credit (which has replaced tax credits for new claims) has had a lot of bad press for good reason. It is terrible for those who are unemployed and especially for the disabled.

However , It works best for people who are working. It works in something called RTPI (real time payroll information) where HMRC reports the claimants earnings to DWP and UC is calculated as a top up based on that income. It means you don't have to keep notifying salary changes..in fact after making the initial claim online a one very quick interview to verify identity at the local Jobcentre - There is nothing else to do. If working full time you are simply left alone.

If you are using UC to cover child care costs remember they are paid in arrears so ensure you include covering the childcare costs upfront in your budgeting. Also be aware that child maintenance is not included as your income when calculating your entitlement to benefits. So when you agree the amount with your ex don't worry about the impact on UC. Good luck op.