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Residence advice needed

4 replies

Whywhywhydeliliah · 29/02/2020 21:51

I have 3 children with exp. Ds is 13, and hasn't come home from contact with his dad, for the third time running. He has expressed a wish to spend more time with his dad, so we had an agreement that ds would be there 2 evenings a week then eow. As of today he has only been home for 4 days in the past 2 weeks.
My concerns are that ex lives in a 1 bed flat with his new gf and their baby DD. Ex has been there for a long time and made no effort to move to a bigger home.
Also, ex has today sent me a message telling me he is going to put in a claim for child benefit- ex has done this before which I fought and won.
Ex pays no maintenance, he buys bits and pieces but has refused to contribute anything consistently for DC's. I have finally put in a cm claim, many years too late tbh, but he always makes everything so difficult I didn't want to give him reason to make life more difficult than it already is. I think ex relies on benefits, I don't think he works. So with CB he can access tax credits, Hb etc.
I'v had enough, I don't want to stop Ds seeing his dad but I don't think it is a suitable place for him to live and I think ex is doing it for the money. I always have done everything for them all and ex just gets the fun bits. Ds is having lots of problems at school and I think is hiding from reality, also ex lets him sit on his console all day and has no rules or boundaries.
Contact was all arranged through mediation and I have invited ex back for more mediation, but have been advised that I should apply for a residency order due to the unsuitable living conditions.
Is a court going to take into account my concerns? Or will they just listen to ds's wishes? I'm so worried that they will give ex residency for him.
Anyone any advice?

OP posts:
carly2803 · 01/03/2020 15:09

they will listen to your DS's wishes, and for his sake i would keep this out of court
just due to the fact the living conditions and (lack of)parenting from you x is awful.

Yes your son will see the happy bits, hes sat on a console all day. Your x clearly just wants to not pay anything towards your son also.

Im not sure i would stop contact but i would speak to your son and ask what he wants, and give him the facts.

where does he sleep?

strawberrylipgloss · 01/03/2020 16:52

They will listen to your ds wishes and in your shoes I'd expect a CMS claim from him.

Whywhywhydeliliah · 01/03/2020 20:03

Ok. So back to mediation it is then 🙄
DS is refusing to talk about it at the moment, just saying he will be back soon. Hopefully he will get bored of the situation soon. He sleeps in the only bedroom and ex and gf on the sofa afaik.
I don't want to go to court, I really don't, I just want what is best for ds.

OP posts:
maybelle4 · 01/03/2020 21:24

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this op. I can definitely see from your perspective why you don’t think this is a suitable arrangement for your 13 yo. Those saying the court will take the child’s opinion into account, surely a lot of 13yo would like limited boundaries and to stay on their Xbox all the time, but as parents it’s our job to make sure they have boundaries and do school work etc surely a court would see that the child doesn’t want to spend extra time with dad so much as not want to do what’s expected of him at home with mum?

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