I'm so bitter today!!

[Singlemum31]

Me and ex was together for 5years.
He was the usual arsehole drink before all of us everyweekend, Angry outbursts, no help what so ever, just pure and utter stress to be around.
He still trys to come back but goes from hot to cold promising the world and undying love for me to nothing.....
I'm very much over him don't know what I ever saw in him!!
But today ever since I've woken I'm just full of rage and bitterness at him. No maintaince again this week,4th week running but has manged to be out every weekend!! He did gave me 40quid, in pound coins this week to get our 4year old birthday presents 🙄
Has dropped from seeing the kids from most days to once a week, has now got himself a new flat thanks to mummy and benefit fraud 🙄 just can't can't get my head round it all arrggghhh
I'll probably wake up tomorrow not even thinking about him and his shittyness but it's consuming me tonight. How do you other lone parents cope on bad days. God I hate him

Let it out! That's the only way to get through it. If you can have a good rant about all the shitty things then you can start to count your blessings again.

Call him every single filthy name you can think of - not to his face...just in your head or aloud if there isn't anyone else around.

Think that's why I've resulted to coming on here I had to get it off my chest!! I've blocked him on everything except WhatsApp to talk about kids etc but I've had to block that tonight from sending him texts!! He honneslty sees no problem in his actions ever!!

completely with you.

Ezzie 26 are you going thur similar??
I've woken up alot better today back to fuck him mode 😀how long can I keep him blocked tho I'm thinking Monday at the earliest. He's gunna start the abuse and the good old line of, I've stopped him seeing his kids cos I've blocked him 😅. The last time he had the kids at the weekend was....... Never 🙄wish I could block him forever 😒😒

I'm not a lone parent now but I was for 7 years. I used to get so angry at the selfish things he used to do -no maintenance but would be out 4 nights in a row . I would have a big rant to whoever would listen and know that at least I was the better person and wouldn't let my kids down. It's hard but try and remember you can't change someone's behaviour but you can change how you react to it .

Pumpkin see I'm normally not bothered about him, don't react to him at all, carry on doing us and being busy at weekends help. I think because it was our daughters birthday and the lack of effort was just unreal. I mean I'm lucky I got 40quid of him for it that's all he had apparently, managed to find money for the next day and his drinking tho... his mother doesn't help either, he's golden boy 🙄🙄god knows why 😂. Some men are just tossers!!

First things first, add a middle man to sort the money out. I've had nothing but a good experience from the new CSA company (the old one was rubbish).

Then you dictate what days he can see the kids which suits you and fits around his work schedule if there is no contact order in place. You aren't stopping him from seeing them, you are encouraging regular, predictable contact which is beneficial to children. If he doesn't have them the whole weekend suggest Sunday and a day after school. You can then turn your phone off between those times, maybe check the day before for a cancellation message. Get a new phone number for your normal phone and stick your old one in a £10 one just to use with him.

Once you get distance between you both physically and head space in that you aren't getting unexpected abusive texts then you'll feel less bitter.

Something that annoys lots of parents is not getting the key DS stuff back so just buy the cheapest multipack of tshirts and trackies you can so it doesn't matter if they Co. E back or not.

Plan something nice to do when he does have the DC even if it is just sitting down and reading a book with a cup of tea without being pestered.

Get organised as above CMS to sort out the money.
Create a schedule of when he sees the DCs to give the DCs stability, he won't always turn up, but it will mean that on days that are not his you can crack on and do want you like.
Disengage all communication via email in a brisk and business like fashion. All of this is in the children's best interests they don't need to see parents wrangling over money etc.

When he comes to get them cool, calm and pleasant,

See with a normal man I would be happy to do all that. With the ex there is nothing I can do. Money wise he's been doing his own thing garden work, but that's fallen thur in the last two weeks, he won't get a proper job working for someone, he couldn't do it. I'm pretty sure he's got some kind of disorder just don't know what, small man syndrome I think 😂, He can not be told what to do he goes of on angry outbursts at the slightest of things. As for seeing kids I've said about Thursdays and Sundays nope just shows up normally Wednesdays. There literally no reasoning with him. I'm not the type to back down either, but he is something else. Just excuse after excuse.
See what I'm working with, an unruly pig who is so quick to slag me off has stopping him seeing kids when I don't respond to his shit 🙄🙄

O my im so glad im not the only one that feels like this...i rarely give my ex a second thought but when i do it results in a complete bitch fit rant...let it out, have your rant....colour the air blue..you will feel so much better

Just read your update...i think my ex might be yours

Sounds like we have the same ex 😂, sound so similar!!

After a good rant you need to learn to emotionally disconnect from him. Don't pay him any attention, don't be interested in what he is doing, don't be involved in his life in any way, keep conversations with him to the absolute minimum, when you do talk to him make it completely unemotional and matter of fact. Focus on you and your child, he's out of your life. Chase him for child support, but nothing else.

I went through 13 years of what you are going though. The above is what helped me. Keep telling yourself it's not forever and it will get easier if you keep him out of your life as much as possible.

I spoke to him as little as possible, I never said one bad word to him or sent one nasty text and I am really glad I didn't.

Mind project thanks for reply,
I feel I have been doing that to him, everytime he comes round to see kids he's begging to come back wants me to tell him why I don't want him etf etc
I am very blunt with him all the time it's just so draining sometimes,
Now he's had mummy sort him out a flat he can't use excuses to have the kids, can't wait to see how that pans out and the excuses he comes up with.
I know for a fact him coming here to see kids will be finally over I will not have it!

You cannot force other people to behave well and you already know from experience that he's not going to behave. All you can do is make sure it doesn't keep ruining your day, so don't let what he does get to you. Don't fuel the fire. Take care of yourself and focus on keeping a happy home. Best of luck.

You need to build those boundaries and be really strong. If he turns up on a Wednesday then that's his day. Give him fair and reasonable access, written down therefore if you were to go to court the judge can see you are doing your bit.

Sort out your phone as recommended above. If he sends angry messages then turn it off (but save them) if he gets angry on the doorstep then phone the police on there non emergency number Its what they are there for.

If he is behaving live a petulant toddler treat him like one. You don't have to justify why you don't want to be with him. Make things very clear and repeat yourself like a broken record.

I'd still go through the CSM in regards to money, they'll make him pay something and will reevaluate every year from his payslips. Even if you don't get anything it takes the emotion out of dealing with him about it and removes the hold over you that he has. He knows what he's doing that's why he paid you in pound coins.

Thank you for your replies ladies I don't know how to reply to each of you. I love the idea of getting a cheap phone just to deal with him makes so much sense, that one I am going to do.
Money, when I said he works for himself I meant cash in hand. He hasn't had a payslip in around 3years.. His mum knows how to play the system hence getting him a place all thur her.....
I let him come round when he wants whatever day it is, I just don't see why I have to let him here. But few more weeks and that will stop once he's sorted that place out, I can't wait. Going to get one of them phones and start from when he moves in see how long he last wanting his children 🙄
He's had his Friday and sat and the texts have started with all the usual BS,
I blocked and still have on WhatsApp but he hadn't paid his phone bill so was hoping for a quiet weekend without him being able to text. Looks like he had enough money for his 50quid phone bill has well has drinking all Friday and Sat 🙄🙄🙄no maintaince still tho......... Pieace of shit 😑

I literally can't believe him, this is what he said to me this morning.
Morning what are you up to on Thursday wanna help me and mum start sorting the flat out.......
Acts as if we are best friends and nothing has happened what so ever.
Can Someone help me write a really good reply, cos I'll just say fuck off!!
no maintaince for weeks has seen kids 4 times this month, from everyday to 4 times...... no effort for our daughters birthday and he wants my help 😂

No great reply but You could drop any of the kids really loud, annoying toys of at his to get them out of your house.

Don't help him. He will not help you in your hour of need. Don't let it upset you. Try and surround yourself with people who would help you if you needed them and you would be happy to help in return. Life is too short to deal with crap from ex's. Just cut him out as much as possible and get on with your life.