ok officially a single mum and due next week

[hayley2u]

hi all,advice please. me and my partner (X)have had a quite volitile relationship. we split about two weeks ago as i thought he might be cheating, i still not sure. then since then we have had major problems.i have recently had to have two trips to hospital as me and baby been very porly.the first time he found out the second night i was in after lots of texts and phone calls. then this weekend i was back in again and this time he actually got the messages then turned his phone off and has not bothered with us at all. with all this i am due for c section on wed and have agreed to let him be there for me, but after this weekend eppisode i tld him to do one as he shown that he dont care. yesterday i asked him his feeling on being at birth and he told me he could not stand being in same room as me and it was stupid being there for birth. i was pretty hurt by that. then today he tells me he is not bothering booking time of work as there is no point him being off now.he works away which means he would not meet his daughter till she s at least 3 days old. i'm heartbroken at this who can treat there children so bad. does anyone have any advice were to go from here

well i get a text last night saying he has changed his work commitments and can work local that week plus asked if still ok to be at birth, sooo confused. i want him there for baby but same tim i hate this mans guts after what he put me through. do i put my daughter first and say yes he can be there as i did let my ex partner as we had spklit up but compared to him he did nothing wrong.decisions decisions.
friend of mine came to see me yesterday and had a good chat she agreed about the birth cert about puuting him on later on down the line when i think he desrves it.he can still c her just dont want him to have parantal responsibility

don't let him think he can come and go as he chooses, if he wants to be a complete todge bag on his own time then fine, but remember you will have 2 children to think about come wedensday.....you dont need to be dealing with a man child on top of that, stay strong hun x

god no i wont. what do you think though should i let him be at birth or not?

Hayley - i think you need to make sure arrangements are made on your terms and for your convenience which should help you see if he's really there for the right reasons. Personally i would let him be at the birth because it is his child but it is completely up to you. He seems to be messing you around quite a bit at the moment so he may not even turn up come weds! I'd prepare yourself for that.

yer thats it aint it. i will have my mum and my best freind around too they be waiting in hospital so if he does be an arse then i can ask them to come in.. thats what i said to him i dont want to say no as its his kid too and whats 1/2 hour in room. but at same time by saying yes i feel i am being trodden on. shall i make him wait for the answer till after weekend?.thats it he has let me down so much lately, i dont know whether i m coming or going to be honest.and thinking of us there together makes me feel uneasy but i also dont want to take that away from my daughter

don't sacrifice what you need. If you'd rather your mum was in with you than tell him he can wait outside and see the baby after. I think you are being very reasonable and don't let him tell you otherwise. I'm pleased you have your mum and best friend for support and look forward to hearing about your daughter

me too cant wait to meet her now, although did go through a period couplke weeks ago wishing i was not pregnant, i know that sounds awful, but just felt so alone and hurt, but obviously i do want baby cant wait now even though it ll be hard. i really need to decide whether to have mum or him, i can honestly say my head is so screwed up over it. i aint heard fro him today when iv text him about stuff which makes me morwe think you know what just p**s off.
i just dont want hi to walk over me on this, i know once she here it different but sound like he just calling shots

thanks flightattendant. so glad to hear you say that.i do feel guilty as all i wanted was mylittle girl but everything has gone so wrong.
i really do not know what to do about wed do i let him come or tel him to visit. he says he wants to but i just feel he is a complete stranger and finding it so hard to make the decision it would be easier if it was not all so fresh.

still not heard anything from him he aint making my decision any easier

hayley have your mum and friend with you, although I think you can only have 1 with you in the operating theatre, and give this guy the option of visiting you if he can be bothered, he doesnt sound like the kind of guy who is going to be there for you holding your hand so I wouldnt rely on him, it should be him contacting you not the other way round, good luck on wednesday

tinker i think you might be right, at least that way i can just concentrate on my baby and me, rather than him. yer he aint contacted me so he obviously not that interested in her really think it just looks good for him, he can always visit if he can be arsed. i'm so scared to do right thing but cant kill to tell my daughter when she asks that i wanted my mummy or something, not as if i'm stopping her c him is it

ok iv told him that i think it best if he dont come to birth. all he aid was after i text to say did he get message. was that he got message and will phone tommorrow. not even anything heartfelt. theres me worrying to make right decision for days and he aint even arsed. i hate his guts completley now told him i thought he was low life scum which i do

Well I think you have made the right decision Hayley. You need someone there to support you, sounds liek if he was there, you would just be worrying about him. Will be thinking of you wedneday, it will be fine and will be great to have your mum there xx

to be honest u cant pressure a guy 2 b a father. the baby has u and u can be both mum and dad and still do a great job. my daughters dad is in her life now after missing out on her first 2 yrs at first i pressured him but after a while i stopped bothering then he wanted to know. at the end of the day hayley u can be a great mum and when he's ready he will come round. in the mean time be the best mum u can be and not stress over him he aint worth the time of day. ENJOY YOUR BABY. good luck!!

thanks . i know i just dont know haow he can change so much in space of 5 weeks. still had no contact, i know he ll wanna see her when born though, then it ll be hard for me having to let him form a bond with her.

yes its natural he will want 2 see the baby. let him so that at least he cant say you never gave him the chance. what you do is give him all the details of when u will b in hospital when the baby is born when u go bk home etc. then leave it up 2 him to decide if he turns up then just let the relationship b about the baby not u and him. if he doesnt then at least u gave him the chance and he blew it. but remember he will have the guilty conscience and he will b the one missing out on your baby. pls keep in mind that when u have the baby you will get strong feelings of wanting to go bk to him but if u werent happy now the baby arriving wont make things any happier for the both of u. its better to have two parents seperate that are happy then two parents unhappy togther. in any decision you make pls think of baby. good luck! xxxxxx

cant imagine me ever wanting him back even how ever emotional i feel. you made me feel better though by saying he ll have a guilty conscience i really hope he has and knows how much he let us down, and by acting way he has sacrificed seeing this baby all the time. yer ill leave it to him now iv tried to discuss it trying to make abot baby but no interest has come so far.

good on u!! thats the spirit. just remember u CAN DO THIS, with support from family and friends the baby is already Blessed and already has loads of people to fill his void. trust me guys always come around in the end and wonder how much they have missed out. but the thing is will it b too late??

I'm sorry for the situation you have found yourself in. I have no advise to offer you that hasn't been said already, but I wanted to post to show you some support. I think you are incredibly brave and I look forward to hearing about your lo on the sept thread.

thanks twitmonster

ladystunna, its far to late for me and him, i dont wont to be with someone so selfish ever again. ill give him the chance to see baby but leaving it for him at the minute until he asks that he wants to see her. my friend reckons its because the babyn is not here yet, so he s acting like it dont exsist but either way he s been cruel and if he does mes up with re coming to see baby then he wont be seeing her

Good luck for tomorrow Hayley, Will be thinking of you xx

thanks beller. im sooo scared lol.
the ex prat text me this text this morning
"we all been layed off"
thats it all i have heard fro him all week.iv chosen to ignore him. does he think that i care because i dont.prob suits him as wont have to pay any maitenence being unemployed.
what a cheek to text me though when he aint mentioned i'm actually having our daughter tommorrow, when things cant get worse he still manages it

(((((((((((((hayley))))))))))))))))))))
thinking of you today, hope all goes well xx Cant believe thats all he text you!