Hey guys,
I'm having real difficulty trying to figure something out and I need your help.
My ex and I separated 2 years. My kids are 3 and 5. Sometimes me and him get on well. Other times we don't at all. When we broke up at the start he rented his own place and the kids went out there. It was a really dark time in my life. We went to court. There was so much raw emotions. He hated me for finishing it (he is an absolute bastard and I couldn't take anymore). So he tried to make my life hell for a while. I decided I couldn't cope with him trying to make my life a misery and I let him move back in which is what he wanted and we said we'd try again. Needless to say it didn't work. So he was sort of like a lodger in my home (it's my house, we were never married) he lived with us for about 9 months. The things we fight over are lazy parenting eg not giving my son his inhalers, not dressing them warm, watching sky sports all day while they roam around the house in their vests. That sort of shit. He is the dirtiest man alive. Also an only child and his mum did everything for him. He literally lives in filth and I can't handle it. So he moved out. He moved into a single room in shared accommodation. He's been saving for a mortgage so he can have his own place. So the arrangement is that he comes to my home to see he kids and spend time with them as he doesn't have his own place to do so. At the weekends I occasionally work a weekend shift. So when it's his weekend with the kids he stays in my house the whole weekend. I put up with so much bullshit just because I don't want to start an argument because he is a force to deal with and I just wanna want my kids to be happy. Also, he is a loving parent. Just fucking lazy. Doesn't look after them properly but does love them. So once my kids are happy I'm happy. When he stays the weekend he eats my food. He uses all the utilities. I don't say a thing. We often do stuff together with the kids. But last Friday evening I came home, I work 12 hour shifts 9:30 to 9:30 Thursday and Friday so the deal is he collects the kids from crèche brings them to my house and cooks for them and puts them to bed. Then once I'm home he leaves. Well I walked in the door and he was really angry about something potentially dangerous that happened, our son almost locked himself in the house, I was still taking my coat off and wasn't fully listening. He went mental and was saying LISTEN TO ME I AM SPEAKING TO YOU. I said woah, I will not listen to you when you're shouting. He said SOMETHING DANGEROUS ALMOST HAPPENED AND YOURE DISMISSING ME. I said no I'm not. I'm taking off my coat and you're shouting at me. He stormed out slammed the door and I walked into my home and it was wrecked. This is a common occurrence. He looks after the kids and doesn't clean up after himself or them and leaves it to me. So I then have to clean my house from scratch after a 12 hour shift. So Friday evening I had enough. I text him and I said I'm giving you an opportunity to come back and clean up your mess. He replied with a laughing emoji. I just thought I can't have him in my home anymore.
So I said that to him. This evening he called to see the kids and it was hideous. He had so much hatred towards me. My daughter who's 5 asked him in and he said no mummy says I'm not allowed. I hate when he does that. I never speak ill of him in front of hers.
He took them around to his friends for a couple of hours and brought them home. They were both crying leaving as they wanted me to go.
I feel like it's either I suffer or they suffer. He will hopefully have his house in May where they can stay there. But in the meantime am I wrong by not allowing him in my home? By locking him out I'm effectively locking my kids out. But he is so verbally abusive when you cross him and he has no respect for my home. I'm starting to think I'm going to traumatise my kids because he makes the transfer at the door so ugly and vicious. And it's embarrassing too.
Should I let him back in so he can spend quality time with them and it's their normal routine and just suck it up until May?
Sorry this has been so long winded xxx